slipping over the edge

i'm slipping over the edge

i really am having difficulty coping

between

my son's depression, school absences, and drug use (pot, salvia)

my daughter's dyed black hair, overuse of makeup, party attendance and drug use (pot, salvia)

my ex's screaming fits on the kids - which they have normalised - and ranting tirades keeping them up late at night and keeping them from going to exercise or doing just about anything

the insane amount of work in my classes

how hard the math and related stuff is

the pain i am still in (shoulder/arm)

that Smitten is so on edge because i am not giving her what she had before in our relationship (mostly because of all the fucked up shit coming from the ex and the kids)

the fact that i am so defensive around her now

my parents deteriorating relationship and my Dad's incessant calls about how my mom is being so hurtful to him

Dad's deteriorating health and mental condition

the change in weather - first snow a couple of weeks ago - temperature freezing overnight, up to about 50F daytime - grey skies

not exercising because of workload and perceived demands for my time from the kids and Smitten

an inability to concentrate

and the roaring return of my fibromyalgia

and so much more...

i'm slipping over the edge

(no - i'm not suicidal - just unable to cope)

did i see my shadow?

emerging from my hole with a few thoughts

1) i went to the gym last night - first time in about 2 weeks

i left thinking to myself

"Why does any large group of men generally smell like an old gym sock?"

2) my daughter and i were discussing sex and sexuality issues

i really didn't need to know that spanking turns her on

(practice or just fantasy... i dunno)

3) snow sucks

i hate this fucking place

actually i hate the weather. the place is ok

i guess

4) university was never this hard before

but that was social sciences - something i have been schooled in from birth

5) while i see the beauty of math sometimes

i still understand why i hate it so much

maybe i will grow to enjoy it

bra fitting

took my daughter to get a properly fitted bra last saturday

i have bought her underwear and bras before

caught shit from the stbx about the stuff i bought and allowed daughter to pick

daughter wanted more interesting underwear than granny whites - you know - jersey material with a little lace on the bottom - not white - slightly different cut - but nothing out of line

stbx spazzed - and then ended up wearing daughter's underwear... daughter was pissed. yeah - the stbx has baoundary issues... stbx said she didn't remember they were daughter's (bullshit)

i think it's a little greebly to wear someone else's underwear...

anyway,

daughter wears her bra 24/7 pretty much. says she just feels more comfortable wearing it. i have expressed my concern about it because of linkages between long term 24 hour bra wearing and breast cancer (theorised that it has to do with constriction of lymph nodes under arms, blah, blah...)

but daughter wore this one bra until the elastic came out. she said it was just so much more comfortable than the others.

so when the elastic came out i made an appointment with a specialty/specialist bra/lingerie place in town (hey - my mom orders her special 4 wire steel truss bras there [she's a busty lady]). i have made special orders over the last 27 years at the place for women in my life. it's a good place.

i took daughter there. daughter was worried it would cost too much.

i told her to not listen to her mother's bullshit and that there were better places to get bras than bargain bins.

about an hour later we had one. the ladies there were very pleased that i would bring daughter in (especially at age 12) and took a bunch of time to explain to daughter how everything should fit and be fitted.

as daughter was still awkward about getting fitted and such, while she was in the fitting room i gave some parameters for the bra - i explained to ladies that the bra needed to have a bit of padding to cover up nipple moments when they might show through a T-shirt. the ladies gave me an odd look until i finished my sentence about the fact that she is surrounded by moronic grade 7 boys - they immediately understood why daughter would NOT want to be nipplish around 12 year old boys...

i also explained the 24 hour bra wearing and told them it need to be ultra comfortable and forgiving

it turns out that daughter is now a C cup now instead of the B she thought she was and that is part of the reasons the other bras didn't fit comfortably - and that the way the others fit with daughters build would cause damage to her breast tissue over time.

daughter nearly crapped when the bill for it was over $120.00

while i was a little stunned (i was expecting maybe $80 or $90), i didn't blink. it was an important moment to underline the importance of properly fitting bras to daughter.

she asked me later why i would spend that much and i gave her the lecture about backaches and all the rest. about good shoes and good bras and avoiding pain and suffering.

i reminded her not to let the bra out of her sight around her mother...

we didn't discuss it at all after the ride home, but i believe that it was an important moment for her and the way she views her bra and money

unexpected extension

Read Dear Professor

He said (among other things) "The no late assignments rule is for most of the people in the class - the kids - the engineers that never have to take another computer science class after this one and try to to slough the work. We're both adults here - and we understand that life has other things that happen other than the next beer drinking party. I'll give you until I hand all the other assignments back. That should be enough time"

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I wasn't expecting that