Monday, November 29, 2010

Some interesting Autism/Asperger's videos and links

Exploring the subject. Because I am pretty sensitive about the outcomes of being labelled different (you've all read about bits and pieces of my childhood) i want to underline that other than being a little nerdy in person, I am not as obvious as some of the folks in these videos.

I fear being labelled. I fear the results of being labelled. I am not a cliche or stereotypical case. I fear you, my friends, some of whom haven't ever met me in person, will think less (or substantially differently) of me because of the label/diagnosis.

i am funny and engaging and warm - i am very different from the cliches. i want to be me.

one of the counsellors here at the clinic talked to me about labels (her son has non-verbal learning disorder [NVLD]) and about being pigeonholed. i have found that i am worried about those labels. i thought i wouldn't be.

i was enthusiastic about my impending diagnosis. i was looking forward to it. i was counting the days. and then my sister reacted the way she did. and all my courage and liberation fell away and i ended up back to being frightened of who i am.

Smitten reminds me that the reception has been benign and/or positive from pretty much everyone other than my family - and that i need to take the time to internalise the fact that unhealthy responses are coming from unhealthy people - my family - and that these people also constitute a lifetime of emotional abuse.


and i'm distancing myself from my family to assist my emotional equilibrium. why hang around with people who affect me negatively? i am making an effort to spend time with people who actually like me and accept me.

but my family still pushes my buttons hard... without even trying (or trying very hard - i can't say if they actually make an effort to treat me poorly, or if i'm so overly sensitive to them that i add too much history onto anything they do or say, or if it is just a pattern of treating me the way they do... and now it's unconscious


As i said, i have been poked and prodded by psychologists and ed psych types for my whole life, and none of them flagged anything before one in particular (this last summer) took note of my poor reaction to (and inability to relax because of) having light from a window on one eye (i was sitting at a right angle to the window in his office) and dark/less light on the other. he suggested i look at something that has been dubbed "hypersensitivity" or "hyperarousal" - and books about the "Highly Sensitive Child" and the "Highly Sensitive Person"

and here i am. trying to wrap my head around it. it's different than i thought.

my reactions are different than i thought they would be

and this long essay started as me just posting a few links to some videos and an article, but quickly turned into me trying to assure those of you who haven't met me that i am not a social misfit...

so here are the videos:

and a really interesting article from Wired Mag:

The Geek Syndrome

Autism - and its milder cousin Asperger's syndrome - is surging among the children of Silicon Valley. Are math-and-tech genes to blame?

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