Wednesday, September 30, 2009

overeating group

so i'm in the lunchroom at the clinic here, and i am talking about women and my mother and such, and i crack off with an old line of mine "Food loved me long before anyone else did... except for maybe my mom - and you know - mom's and food... food is love..."

it elicited the usual yuks. except not from our nutritionist, who said "sounds like you should be coming to our group"

a group hosted by her and one of our clinic psychologists. a group on overeating and/or using food as an emotional crutch.

it was sort of a throw-away line from her too.

then i had to fix the computer and projector while the afternoon group was on - and heard some of what the people in the group were saying

and it really hit home - they were saying a lot of the same things i have in my battle with food and eating

i thought about it for the afternoon

then i signed up

my first group session is 12 minutes from now

Saturday, September 26, 2009

she phoned

i dropped off the agreement last night. my lawyer sent it to her lawyer, but her lawyer was busy and didn't respond and didn't send it to her.

i know, because i called and asked

so i dropped a copy off

she called this morning. she said it looked pretty good as far as she was able to read and interpret the legalese.

she wandered into how she really wasn't ripping me off (after i pointed out that i was absorbing the whole cost of her bad investment ($3000) instead of half, like would really be fair (among other points)

according to her, the fact that she was the primary earner when we paid off my student loan 20 years ago is the reason she should get more...


i just said that the whole thing wasn't really debatable - but that she shouldn't claim hardship because she's getting a really good deal

i cut the call off fairly quickly

however, it sounds like she's going to bite

that would be so great

i can't wait

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


[update] if you read this in original form, but haven't read the update at the bottom - you'll want to check it out [update]

voicemail from about 6:05 yesterday:

Hi [cadbury] it's [stbx]

I just got a call from the police

and I think you should ask your young son, there

what his run in with the police was

it wasn't very serious

but... his activities are starting to catch up to him

aahhhhhhh, he didn't get charged, Lief did

they only charged him with, uhhhhhh, violation of the property act

but, they did find him in possession of marijuana

so, our young son is going to be 18 in November

and I am kind of glad this happened because he is starting to see... that... there's consequences

but you might want to talk to him

you might not

i just thought i'd let you know

since you are indeed a par... his...


and you might want to know that he's had a little run-in with the law

over... over this

and he might or might not want to discuss it with you





fucking stbx...

mountain out of a molehill

for God's sake. what an asshat!

"violation of the property act"?

i thought his buddy had done a break and enter or something - which would be out of character - but that is what crossed my mind...

they crossed some railroad tracks in a switching yard while walking between some friends' houses...


we have Railway Police here, as do many countries around the world - including the U.S. In fact, CN (Canadian National) and CP (Canadian Pacific) Railway Police operate in the U.S. as a private police force in several regions bordering Canada where Canadian railway companies bought pieces of U.S. railways. For example, in the US three railway police services, Illinois Central Railroad Police, Grand Trunk Railway Police and Wisconsin Central Transportation Police amalgamated into the CN Police Service. CP Police are deployed throughout the CP Rail System in the USA.

"The appointment, commissioning and regulation of railroad police under Section 1704 of the U.S. Crime Control Act of 1990, provides that: "A railroad police officer who is certified or commissioned as a police officer under the laws of any one state shall, in accordance with the regulations issued by the U. S. Secretary of Transportation, be authorized to enforce the laws of any other state in which the rail carrier owns property."

It is important to note that Section 1704 also states that this police authority is to "the extent of the authority of a police officer certified or commissioned under the laws of that jurisdiction". While a railroad police officer may have general peace officer authority in some states such as California, they are limited to the railroad's property in other states.

The status of railroad police officers varies by state, in that they are commissioned by the Governor of the state in which they reside and/or work in and they may carry both state level arrest powers and some interstate arrest powers as allowed by 49 USC 28101. Although railroad police primarily enforce laws on or near the railroad right-of-way, their police officers can enforce other laws and make arrests off of railroad property depending on the state in which they are working.

Depending upon the state or jurisdiction, railroad police officers may be considered certified police officers, deputized peace officers, or company special agents."

"Railway Police Services are responsible for all aspects of railway security. They are duly appointed and armed police officers that gather their authority in Canada via the Railway Safety Act.

The Railway Safety Act (Canada) is a federal act that allows for any Federal Railway to appoint officers as Police Constables. These railway police constables have all the powers of a regular police officer as it relates to the protection of property owned, possessed or administered by a railway company and the protection of persons and property on that property. Railway Police are unique in Canada as they are essentially a private company that employs sworn Police Officers. These officers were trained at the RCMP Academy until 2005, and are now trained at one of the provincial police colleges.

In Canada officers are federally sworn under section 44.1 - Railway Safety Act granting powers as Police Constables and have the same powers of arrest as any police officer in Canada as 'Peace Officers' under Section 2 of the Criminal Code of Canada. Their federal oath of office primarily directs their duties 'on and along' the lines of the CN. Officers also have special provincial appointments which allow for them to extend provincial enforcement outside the boundaries set under the Railway Safety Act of Canada, except in Quebec.

Some of the crimes railroad police investigate include trespassing on the right-of-way of a railroad, assaults against passengers, terrorism threats targeting the railroad, arson, tagging of graffiti on railroad rolling stock or buildings, signal vandalism, pickpocketing, ticket fraud, robbery and theft of personal belongings, baggage or freight. Other incidents railroad police investigate include derailments, train/vehicle collisions, vehicle accidents on the right of way, and hazardous materials releases.

The primary goal of Canadian Rail Police officers is protect rail commerce and rail infrastructure. The three main focused mandates are:

1) Traffic enforcement and collision investigations, to reduce deaths and injuries along rail lines and properties. 2) Criminal and provincial investigation including Crime Prevention (CPTED.) 3) Public Safety and Awareness Education."

- almost all of the above ripped off from wikipedia


they had just smoked a bowl while they were walking

the guy smelled it and demanded they cough up their dope

they did, he wrote a trespassing ticket for the one guy amongst the three of them that was older than 18, and kept the dope and the dude's pipe - and they called the stbx


while it may be a run-in with the law, her penchant for drama must has overcome her again

you see - the stbx has gotten what she wanted - her son moved home


because she is incompetent as a parent and as a human being, she is trying to draw me back in on parenting issues (more details on that in a different post) - after slagging me for so long about my parenting - and blaming me for everything that goes wrong

(just like she is trying to blame me for daughter having sex with that dude - when it happened at 10:30 am just a few feet from her bedroom - because she was "too tired" to drive him home

but it's still my fault)


but i digress


yes - a brush with the law

about as rough as a speeding ticket

a ticket for crossing railroad tracks

Thursday, September 17, 2009

settlement pending (maybe...)

(Readers: if you spot a real name or location or company name please let me know immediately so i can remove it)




mediation is theoretically complete - that is the "Agreement provisions" noted below

i am down about $4,000 - $7,000 from the last agreement arrived at in June. why? because i agreed to assume several more little pieces of debt and shit because i just want it all done.

and the bitch actually had the nerve to try to shake my hand at the end of that session - after jerking me around since June. And then gypping me out of several thousand more dollars after torturing me for the whole summer with her: now i'm buying you out, now we're selling, no we're not, now i'm buying you out, now we're selling, now i'm refusing to answer phone calls from your lawyer, my lawyer, the mediators... runaround.

why can't we just go to court? because there is a legal requirement (written right into the law) for mediation in the event of agreement impasse in separation. the government pays for the mediation and provides departmental mediators for free - but the courts generally require mediation and "good faith" negotiation before accepting any petition on a settlement.

she pushes every boundary

she only went back to mediation because I, my lawyers, her lawyers, AND the mediators threatened her if she didn't

i want away from her so bad

i cannot stand the chaos she brings to everything

she ups the volume at every turn because that is all she knows how to do

even the mediators don't want to deal with her anymore. her lawyers don't want to deal with her. this is her third set of lawyers. they even had to move her from the more junior lawyer who was handling her in her law firm to the most senior because she is so psychotic and unstable.

and my lawyers...

they all (mine, hers, the mediators) pressured me to just accept the lower price because their estimation is that with her crap it will end up costing me way more even if i'm already taking a low-ball right now

also, the possibility exists that when they get some additional staff at her work that her workplace might put pressure on her about her bullshit there

i want an agreement signed that will prevent her from suing for support and i want it signed fast before she has a breakdown (a real potential in my estimation - and i know her better than anyone else in the world)

(and before i have a breakdown)

she is demanding there be provisions in the agreement that i can't touch her pesnion - i am using that as cover to remove all future support rights and such from the final legal agreement - we have to explicitly waive all those rights under local law. our divorce laws are the stuff of fantasy for liberal activists in the U.S. - all equitable and decent and fair and protecting and negotiation promoting and conciliation demanding. good stuff when one of the parties is not psycho... i support the laws. i helped write the policy that created them. being the good socialist i am, i thought (and still do) that it is the most solid protection for spouses and children.

but not for me. with a psycho ex. and a system designed to protect women who most often get the wrong end of the stick. which i believe in.

it just hasn't helped me


i am using narcotics like candy - well, that's an exaggeration - but being the abstemious user of alcohol and drugs i usually am, my current usage pattern bothers me a lot (pot [most nights before sleep] and codeine). i'm on on muscle relaxants and another variety of pain blocker. i could get a prescription and be fully legal for the marijuana since it's a standard treatment option for fibromyalgia in Canada. i am still considering that option, but i don't have the will or the emotional/psychological capability to deal with the complicated legal requirements when i can get good quality local organic shit with a single phone call. and i don't intend to stay on it beyond the point when my pain dies down. hopefully once the agreement is done and the divorce is done - i didn't need anything (prescription or otherwise) for the first 8 months after leaving the cow

(all apologies to my bovine friends - it is insulting to them to compare her to cows. i like cows. i like dogs. i like pigs and other animals too [not so much cats, but i still play with them and enjoy them]. but i digress...)

pot nowadays is way stronger than when i actually smoked much in the past...

i take about 4 drags from my pipe - a pinch immediately before sleep. that way my usage pattern is about altering sleep and not about the fun of being high [later edit]a gram, or 1/28th of an ounce lasts me a couple of weeks or more even when i am using it each night[/edit]

i am under doctor supervision on all of this (though unofficial on the pot because of the legal issues), under counseling supervision, under psychiatric supervision (even my kids' psychiatrists are working to help me survive because they believe i am the only hope for my kids - and because they need a sane parent to deal with [the stbx is afraid to go near a psychiatrist and makes a lot of excuses to stay away from them]).

it aggravates me that i can't seem to be able to force a psychiatric review of the stbx

my lawyers and the counselors and the psychiatrists tell me that because she gives "good interview" that she would pretty much ace an independent assessment. and that they can't testify because of the fact that they are in conflict or already providing care or some shit - and that it has to be done by an "independent third party with no interest"

and that her psychosis only shows up after you've dealt with her for some months...

that i could force it, and subpoena them and such, but that they would be bound to fight the orders because of their legal position on patient privacy and confidentiality otherwise... and the kids' psychiatrists are government (department of health/health region) staff with the legal resources of government to help fight any order i might try to get. and the medical association, and the counselors association and the psychiatrists association would have to get intervenor status against me too...

because institutionally they have to protect their general position from super assholes who would interfere for not good reasons

they are all very sorry. and so are their lawyers. whom they say they have spoken too. and i believe them. because we had to support a couple of these kinds of cases when we were still in government (16 years). because the larger institutional protection is more important in the long run...


i'm not going to win

so i will suck it up and try to get the best deal i can

as i said to one of the mediators (paraphrased because i don't have exact wording with me right now):

"this is classic stbx - agree to something, when finally forced, then make the whole process so passive aggressive and aggravating and so torturous and painful that she gets her way in the end"


From: [cadbury]
Subject: Re: Personal & Confidential

On Wed, Sep 16, 2009 at 10:00:51AM -0600, [lawyer's assistant] wrote:
> From: [lawyer's assistant]
> Subject: Personal & Confidential
> The following is being sent on behalf of [lawyer]:
> [cadbury],
> Further to instructions received, we note that the Agreement provisions we received did not deal with custody of the children, child support, or spousal support. We have prepared a draft Agreement, including those items, for your review. Once you have had an opportunity to review this, we look forward to discussing whether we can proceed to forward this to [stbx lawyer] for his review.


5c: some language that:

we agree that we may make holiday arrangements months or even years in advance, especially in regard to travel.

some other language that says that each of us will not unreasonably withhold permission for children to travel outside of [province] - especially outside of Canada

(i intend to take the kids to Europe next year, and my parents go to Texas in the winter and we might want to go there)

Personal Property:

[stbx] has tried to edit/cull which photos i get access to already. is this language strong enough? She may claim that a picture that just has her and the kids in it is not a family photo... please rethink with a mind toward her actively trying to screw me over on getting copies of ALL the photos

Family Home:

this section is wrong

[stbx]is buying me out for the sum of $nnn,nnn

I am taking my name off the title

she will pay for the transfer of title and all the costs associated with closing out the existing primary mortgage

she will deal with any tax issues

there are only two things that will come out of the $nnn,nnn - NO OTHER ADJUSTMENTS!!! (one exception - an adjustment up for her paying half the cost of creating this agreement) I want to pay for absolutely nothing else. She is already getting a way better deal than she should

the two things that will be paid - and i would like them paid by [law firm] and proof of the payment and such being sent to her lawyers and all appropriate parties

1) the line of credit will be paid out and canceled - both names are on it so she/we will need to sign some kind of document that authorises you folks to pay it out and close it.

2) the payment of $2400 to my parents

under 19

do we need to list any of the debts? eg [cadbury] VISA, MC [stbx] VISA


New provision:

[stbx] agrees to pay half the cost of creating this agreement



can we sign any appropriate papers with regard to getting divorced at the same time? would doing it all at once expedite the process?

if we could wrap everything up at the same time that would be super swell


From: [cadbury]
Subject: Re: Personal & Confidential

two other things that need to be addressed in the agreement:

1) currently we have an agreement that i use [son] as the equivalent to spouse (or whatever it's called now) and [stbx] uses [daughter].

[son] turns 18 on Nov 5, so that is the end of that deduction

i need advice as to what the best way to handle the remaining deduction.

do we each claim half (if that's possible) or does one of us claim her wholly and pay the other parent half the net deduction?

i assume you folks have the accounting/tax/whatever expertise in shop to answer that question

if you have to go outside for the advice - by all means (billable...)

the solution on this one should be equitable for both [stbx] and I

2) [son] is a minor for 2 more months. i want additional language in the agreement that the settlement covers the value of support payments for Sept, Oct, Nov of this year for [son]. he has been living full time with his mom since about June.

i also want to know whether I am obligated for support payments after he turns 18.

he is supposed to be working. he dropped out of high school and has been sitting on his ass since May smoking pot in his mom's basement because i told him to leave my place (he refused to even wash his own dishes or the dishes of his friends [and there were a lot of them...] or even pick up after himself [even when given several days to get around to it]). he refused to apply for jobs, then got one through a friend (and got fired for not showing up and being late all the time).

he will theoretically be finishing his grade 12 through web classes and theoretically working at least part-time.

i don't want to pay shit for him.

not that i wouldn't be glad to at a moments notice. i offered to buy him a car if he would just motivate himself enough to get his license. i offered to pay for private lessons since he managed to not have enough motivation to sign up for the driver training offered through his school. none of which has come to pass... he won't even ask him mom (who works at [licensing bureau/government owned insurance company]) to bring home a driver training manual from work (how much less effort could there be than that?)

i have withdrawn my offer to buy a car ($3000 contribution offer - from age 14 to May of this year)

i offered to pay tutors (he's french immersion) and/or tutor him myself to get him through the end of his grade 12. he refused/demurred. i offered to pay half the tuition for his university/[tech institute] computer multimedia course ($14,000.00 total tuition). i said i would pay all of it and then push/file suit on his mom for the other half if she resisted paying. and pay for books. but he needed to finish his grade 12.

i said i would pay for any post-secondary course he wanted to take in [our city], and would let him live with me and pay his food and such. but he had to do his own dishes... and finish his grade 12

i said i would pay for any tutors or help he needed

have i mentioned that he is a certified and tested genius?

as for action by him on any of the above... nada

i offered to take as many days off work as needed to drive him to everywhere he might want to apply for work.

i offered to drive him to school every morning (and used to).

i paid (and still pay) for bus tickets so he can theoretically have transport to look for work

i offered to buy and/or repair a bicycle

i have offered to back and support with time and money and intercession any efforts he might make toward school or work and/or counseling and/or medical treatment. all have been rejected

after leaving the caucus office June 2008, i went back to university. i dropped out of my classes twice (fall and winter semesters) because of the emotional problems my kids were having so that i could spend time with them ([son]'s breakdown and [daughter]'s cutting/depression/suicide watch). i stayed home full-time to help them - help him - [daughter] pulled herself up - but [son] - pot and attitude only

my parents keep offering him work at their place so he would have even a bit of work and dignity of income/work


i don't want to support [son]

i love him so deeply, but....

i will not support him until he makes even a token effort to help himself. i have done EVERYTHING possible - even my counselors have told me that i am doing too much to help him - but even that is not enough

i don't want to pay child support for [son]


i don't know if it is relevant, but i currently pay for [son] and [daughter]'s cell phones (about $50.00/mo each), and I also pay for their gym club memberships (contracts) that they have stopped using (about $55/mo each)

Tuesday, September 08, 2009


some things going on:

1) mediation with stbx. she reneged on the buy-out that she agreed to. then she said she'd sell. then she reneged on that. now she is refusing to give any idea of how she wants to proceed. we are back in mediation.

the whole aggravating tale is for another post.

2) got into a fistfight with son on saturday. he agreed to apply for A job. that's it - just one if he could borrow some cash and such (about $20). he didn't do it. i told him i would cut off his cell phone if he didn't by 5pm saturday. i told him i would drive him to go apply for the job. i told him i would come and pick him up from the house. i phoned him 4 times over a two hour period to get him out of bed to be ready to go. he wasn't when i got there at about 3:30pm. he lipped me off something serious. i asked him if he wanted to go. he said "what are the rules?" i said "the rules are you and me right here, right now."

and we fought is that fucking garage. i hate that place

it wasn't that bad - my knees are worse for wear and he has some serious bruising on his abdomen...

but it was a little shocking it had to come to that

at some point i have to establish a boundary. and with young men (i still remember being one) this is sometimes the way boundaries have to be established. especially since i have established none in the past with my kids - they pretty much got what they wanted, and i pretty much forgave all their bullshit.

more on this later as well

3) i've "lost my religion"

my philosophical underpinnings for life...

i've become unmoored from them. this is a bigger deal for me than it may read.

this is really fucking me up

the world doesn't work the way i think it should

it's not a nice place

it's not a nice place turned bad because aome selfish people

it's just selfish to begin with - and doesn't want to become better. people don't want to find their way to the new Jerusalem - they don't want to "build a new Jerusalem in our green and pleasant land"

my children are selfish

they have betrayed me

and they do not see the way to the new Jerusalem either


i have to leave for mediation now

i am utterly

Friday, September 04, 2009

"whatever you guys did..."

There is a woman at work. She is the "excitable" type.

She works in medical records and is a "fussy" kind of person. Very high strung. Anything that deviates from the exact norm is a crisis and a cause for a total flap.

Well, pretty much anything is the cause for a flap.

Something she does, no matter what happens, is blame me, or someone else, but usually me for the event. And I've only been here since May...

If the computer has an issue - often fixed by a reboot, her comment is "I don't know what you've [changed/done], but now it's not working."

Today I was following the fire extinguisher inspection guy around the building getting to know all the extinguisher stations around the building. Fire safety is now my responsibility too. Part of the "man about the house" component of my job, I guess. It happens more and more regularly. The only other guys are a doctor and a contract instructor who always hides in his office. So I am the "man on call" working with 54 women. Most (3/4) of whom are between the ages of 45 and 60 - but I digress...

I just got a call from her.

"[Cadbury], I don't know what you guys did to it when you were looking at the extinguisher this morning, but it's now fallen off the wall and it doesn't look like there is any way of re-attaching it."

I'm excited by the fact that she personalises every problem as being directly the result of my actions.

I will go look. I will find out that the extinguisher was mounted on drywall and the screws pulled out - just like one of the other stations i put in for repair today.

[put out]
And it's my fault. Of course.
[/put out]


When I went down to look at what had happened, she accurately identified the fact that the inspector had pivoted the extinguisher in its bracket. She also identified the fact that a heavy extinguisher was mounted just into drywall and not properly mounted. She helpfully advised me that she had taken note of the bracket in the lab which is also precarious and suggested I check the mountings on the rest of the building.

all good

all valid

all presented decently and appropriately

and i appreciate her pointing out the issues - really - i do. i need extra eyes - i am not everywhere.

but the initial call really put me off

i'm still the new guy here. i'm still edgy about being fingered as not knowing what i'm doing. which in an unfortunate number of instances, i don't.

because there is no documentation

i mean none

i got half a day's training on their systems

i am left to figure everything out on my own

and even with these inspections today. i get called at 9:20am for a 10am inspection and told i will just tag along with our 2nd in command (she is in charge while the executive director is on holidays). at 10am i'm told i'm on my own and to just handle it with the guy.

i have no clue where all the extinguishers are. they had no list. no map. i made the first list they have had. i had to go look for them in every area while he did each inspection.

i felt like a dumbass

like i do so often

good thing i was in politics and can fake aplomb in any situation - even when my boss had been publicly fired and is front page news or another has been charged with a criminal offense - both real situations i had to handle in the face of hostile media and police investigation(s)... but i digress (again)

so, i've put it on the work orders to fix the brackets

and realised that now that i am the "fire guy", in addition to being the computer dude, and the privacy officer, and toilet plunger, and toilet fixer, and dripping tap fixer, and the heating and cooling guy, and the on-call in the event of an alarm guy (during and after hours), and the pick-up the patient that fell in the bathroom guy, and the muscle in the event of a crazy person guy,

i am also the materials safety in the event of fire guy

which means i have to learn the WHMIS (Workplace Hazardous Materials Information System) for all the chemicals and crap in the clinic. which they only have a vague set-up for - mostly for stuff in the lab. they don't even have a proper listing of their hazardous materials (including specialised cleaning solvents and stuff for the x-ray machine and developer) and don't have an off-site nearby record of the specific location of any of the radioactive materials on site

"Why would we need that?"


excuse me, but do you think that maybe the firemen who come to save your ass are going to want to know whether or not there are radioactive materials on fire nearby? do you think that it would be good to make sure that we have pre-notified materials location with the fire department? so that it comes up when we make the panicked 911 call? or they arrive in the middle of the night when there is no-one around to tell them about the radioactive materials they are about to breathe in?

i have an idea - do you have a binder or folder that contains the details of the last fire inspection and any of the notes?


good thing the stbx had a bizarro stupid unorganised situation with WHMIS stuff at her workplace some years ago and I helped her and her workmates write up their management requests to fix up their WHMIS and safety stuff - so i actually know something about all of this (stbx and her crew are all wrench and "fixer" people - not professional writers (one of the various things i do in life...). management had been ignoring their requests until i turned it into proper memo - then it became an emergency [yes - i am a communications god]).

([sotto voce] but i didn't ever provide any support to the stbx [eye-roll])

but again, i digress

i felt like an idiot

i had a person whose tone and words were shaped to make me feel that way

i have been given little documentation and am having to develop all my own shit


thanks for reading while i blow off a little steam

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

unbelievable... more stbx stupidity (not an abort)

Subject: unbelievable... more stbx stupidity (not an abort)

the stbx says that she told me in a phone call

that "all you had to do was go to land titles and take your name off the property and you would have had your money already"


had she said anything like that i would have taken the steps immediately

fucking lying bitch

lies to the kids

lies to me

lies to her family

lies to everyone



Subject: Re: unbelievable... more stbx stupidity (not an abort)

she is very self serving, and probably believes that she actually told you this. Remember that she is a delusional addict.

Something is up - and I bet that whatever her plans for the future are, are going positively ahead. And so she will completely forget or minimize all the nasties of the past that she has done, as she focuses on the/her future... Which, depends upon her selling the house easily.
The only reason she is selling is because it is meeting her needs.

As long as she is getting what she wants, it does not matter about anyone else. Immediate gratification.

You are well rid of her.


On Mon, Aug 31, 2009 at 12:57:49PM -0600, Smitten wrote:
> > From: Smitten
> > Subject: Re: unbelievable... more stbx stupidity (not an abort)
> > she is very self serving, and porobably believes that she actually told
> > you this. Remember that she is a delusional addict.

> > Cadbury wrote:
>> > >the stbx says that she told me in a phone call
>> > >that "all you had to do was go to land titles and take your name off the
>> > >property and you would have had your money already"

i looked through my records. i received this:
(i just realised thaqt [male mediator] didn't send me information he received on the 20th of July until August 4th - i will be asking them how that worked when i call them this afternoon)


Date: Tue, 04 Aug 2009 07:30:05 -0600
From: [male mediator]
Subject: Fw: update
To: [cadbury]

----- Original Message -----
From: [stbx]
To: [male mediator]
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 4:18 PM
Subject: update

> >I went to the bank on Friday, currently I am waiting to see if I am
> >approved for the amount. The loans officer will have a couple options
> >for
> >Cadbury If I buy him out. He is also on the title to the property so he
> >will have to be willing to go to Land Titles and remove his name off
> >the property . I will keep in touch.


Date: Thu, 06 Aug 2009 06:33:17 -0600
From: [male mediator]
Subject: Re: Mediation Summary 3
To: [cadbury]

Morning Cadbury
I spoke to [stbx] on August 4th. Her loans officer at the bank went on Holidays. [stbx] was going to phone on the 5th and see when she was back or if she was back. The Bank had required more financial information. My suggestion for [stbx] is once the finanacing is approved, [stbx] seek advice from her laywer, and the have your lawyers draw up a matriomonial property.agreement. I sense she is still not totally
certain what to do. She seems to want to focus on the parenting issues first.
>From our conversation, I think another meeting should be scheduled to discuss parenting for [daughter] and [son].


Date: Sat, 08 Aug 2009 09:22:50 -0600
From: [male mediator]
Subject: Re: more information
To: [stbx]

Morning [stbx].
I received an email from Cadbury.
His perspective.
If there is no agreement in principle prior to you going on vacation. His settlement proposal increases to $117,500 on September 1/09, $120,000.00 October 1/09 and so on.
Cadbury is not prepared to have any discussions of other topics unless there is an offer on the table from you re the matrimonial property settlement..
If there is no response from you prior to you leaving on vacation, Cadbury is prepared to attend one more mediation session.
I will be available this weekend by email or cell [telephone] or in the office on Monday at [telephone]
----- Original Message -----
From: [stbx]
To: [male mediator]
Sent: Thursday, August 06, 2009 11:27 PM
Subject: more information

> >
> >I made a call to my bank today, I will be calling them back tomorrow.
> >I
> >am going on vacation on the August 10th till the end of August. I am
> >hoping to get you as much information as possible by tomorrow.
> >


Date: Mon, 10 Aug 2009 09:32:34 -0600
From: stbx
Subject: Re: more information
To: [male mediator]

I did alot of thinking this weekend and have decided to sell the house. Cadbury can use his agent and put the house for sale. I will be staying in town a few days to clean up a bit. It would help if he removed the items of his out of the garage.

Subject: Re: unbelievable... more stbx stupidity (not an abort)

Ah, because she thinks you are a mind reader, she believes that her quote of

"He is also on the title to the property so he will have to be willing to go to Land Titles and remove his name off the property . I will keep in touch."

means in her mind that she gave you permission to do that (take your name off) and therefore she intended to buy you ou. She forgot that she said she would "be in touch " and didn't close the loop to this possible action.

She morphed this email sentence into a make believe conversation that she had with you (probably because she had been thinking about it so much).

It also gives her an easy out so she doesn't have to give you more money in case the house doesn't sell or whatever.(in the event that she has to buy you out).

This is not surprising to me.


Subject: mediation question [again] has [stbx] contacted you?
Date: Fri, 31 Jul 2009 15:31:14 -0600
From: [cadbury]
To: [male mediator]

this is my third email

i tried to call the office (###.####) and there is no answer

i left a voice message with humans who answered the phone last
week asking for some kind of response

and what have i heard from anyone?



i have not contacted [stbx] directly because the point of having
intermediaries is to avoid the likely conflict and escalation of a call
from me to her

is anyone willing to shed some light on the situation?

has [stbx] contacted you?

have you contacted her as per the minutes of the last session?

she is leaving the city next week for the rest of the month. am i just
twisting in the wind yet again?

what is going on?

i am extremely frustrated with this situation and how i am being not
being informed

someone could have at least told me that there was no information

but instead i'm just sitting here


like i have for the last 3 years

while i get jerked around yet one more time

just like the last two summers

i've seen this movie before

good work


Subject: Re: Mediation Summary 3
Date: Thu, 06 Aug 2009 18:13:40 -0600
From: [cadbury]
To: [male mediator]

[male mediator] wrote:
> Morning [cadbury]
> I spoke to [stbx]on August 4th. Her loans officer at the bank went on Holidays. stbx was going to phone on the 5th and see when she was back or if she was back. The Bank had required more financial information.
> My suggestion for [stbx] is once the finanacing is approved, stbx seek advice from her laywer, and the have your lawyers draw up a matriomonial property.agreement. I sense she is still not totally certain what to do. She seems to want to focus on the parenting issues first.
>> From our conversation, I think another meeting should be scheduled to
> discuss parenting for [daughter] and [son].

let me be as clear as i can be:

there will be NO discussion of any topics until i have an offer on the table from [stbx]

i am sick of her jerking my leash - this is exactly what she has done every other time. agree in principle to my generous offer of less than half, and then pull the plug when it comes to doing the deed

if [stbx] leaves on vacation without a proper response - that is, having visited her bank and having gotten approval in principle of the buy-out and me being able to confim that with her bank - or her having a letter from the bank confirming the arrangement in principle - if she leaves without that - the price of a settlement goes up from $115000 to $117500. on September 1 the price goes up to $120000. October 1, $122500 - and so on.

if i am left sitting with no response while [stbx] goes on vacation, i will allow for one more session on her return. if there is no resolution at that point i will withdraw from mediation and go for half

fully half. half my debt goes to her, half her pension goes to me. and so on

i will burn as many dollars as it takes

this is no longer about the money

this is another example of the abuse that [stbx] has heaped on me for years - and now she is doing it again


as for talking about the welfare of the kids?

the best thing for the welfare and well being of the kids is for me to have a house

as for discussions on parenting, the only question i have is how [daughter] (13 years old) managed to have sex in [daughter's] bedroom at 10:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning at [stbx] place with a 17 year old boy who had stayed overnight, and how is it that [stbx] was not on top of that situation

pretty pathetic


but - still - there will be no discussion of any topic until i have an offer as stated above

if that offer arrives before she leaves i will have my lawyers draw up an agreement