some things going on:
1) mediation with stbx. she reneged on the buy-out that she agreed to. then she said she'd sell. then she reneged on that. now she is refusing to give any idea of how she wants to proceed. we are back in mediation.
the whole aggravating tale is for another post.
2) got into a fistfight with son on saturday. he agreed to apply for A job. that's it - just one if he could borrow some cash and such (about $20). he didn't do it. i told him i would cut off his cell phone if he didn't by 5pm saturday. i told him i would drive him to go apply for the job. i told him i would come and pick him up from the house. i phoned him 4 times over a two hour period to get him out of bed to be ready to go. he wasn't when i got there at about 3:30pm. he lipped me off something serious. i asked him if he wanted to go. he said "what are the rules?" i said "the rules are you and me right here, right now."
and we fought is that fucking garage. i hate that place
it wasn't that bad - my knees are worse for wear and he has some serious bruising on his abdomen...
but it was a little shocking it had to come to that
at some point i have to establish a boundary. and with young men (i still remember being one) this is sometimes the way boundaries have to be established. especially since i have established none in the past with my kids - they pretty much got what they wanted, and i pretty much forgave all their bullshit.
more on this later as well
3) i've "lost my religion"
my philosophical underpinnings for life...
i've become unmoored from them. this is a bigger deal for me than it may read.
this is really fucking me up
the world doesn't work the way i think it should
it's not a nice place
it's not a nice place turned bad because aome selfish people
it's just selfish to begin with - and doesn't want to become better. people don't want to find their way to the new Jerusalem - they don't want to "build a new Jerusalem in our green and pleasant land"
my children are selfish
they have betrayed me
and they do not see the way to the new Jerusalem either
----
i have to leave for mediation now
i am utterly
“All I want is for the baby to be healthy!”
8 months ago
3 comments:
Mr. C. . . . . your kids have used the situation to get what they want. . . . they use both of you. . . . Can't you cut of son. . . . I mean like get him out of the house. . . . cut his phone. . . . and just stop supporting him.
I would not want him in the house if it came to blows. . . . the chance it will happen again is pretty good. . . . .
Religion. . . . another story. . . . I am wondering about my beliefs now. I would like to quote you some touchy feely Bible thing, but honestly . . . . I think God loves us. . . but stuff happens. . . . the stuff doesn't make sense. . . . can't say why God lets some stuff happen, but it does all work out in the end. . . . getting to the end is just hard.
Hugs to you!
Add me to the cut the kids off list. You've done everything within your power to help them, but if they don't want help, then why beat yourself up (literally) trying to give them something they don't want at this point.
Set your "rules", let them know you love them, but for your own health sake you can't endure this suffering and abuse any longer.
When they're ready you'll be ready too.
About your STBX, jeezo, it's so frustrating. Why do you have to keep going to mediation if she has repeatedly shown that she can't be counted on as a woman of her words? Can't all this stuff be decided upon in a court room?
You need peace. Maybe when all this crap is settled down you'll be able to find it and your religion again.
Hope my rambling made sense.
I am so sorry you ended up coming to blows with your son. It's horrible that it got to that point.
Breaks my heart.
CP
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