Wednesday, November 29, 2006

office coffee

I don't drink coffee at the office. I drink one cup (450ml) in the morning on my way to work and otherwise avoid coffee. 2 reasons: 1) I'm really picky about my coffee; 2) I avoid stimulants because of my fibromyalgia (a condition with muscle spasms as a primary symptom is not a place to put stimulants).

I do use office coffee for one thing though.

Air freshener.

As a guy whose primary diet is raw or close to raw vegetables...

(all you ladies are going "eeewwwww! did you really need to share that piece of information?")


(the guys are going "Cool. I should do that")

I can't stand the smell of most commercial air fresheners and having allergies to many scents I have physical reasons for avoiding them. When I walk through a department store, if I walk by the perfume counter my nose will be literally running within seconds of inhaling.

This is my solution.

Monday, November 27, 2006


i am intending to buy one of these to learn to sail. i have found one with a trailer for a very low cost. i could even tow it behind my present vehicle.

this would represent one more step in my personal journey. My desire to sail has been thwarted for many years.

As mentioned in much of the pain is gone (Monday, November 06, 2006), Smitten wants to learn to sail with me.

we also have access to Smitten's friends' sailboats (much more serious/deep water vessels), and to the cabin on the large lake some 6-7 hours away, but the craft pictured above is small enough to happily sail on the lake that is right outside my door (as pictured in Everyday is a new day I'm thankful for Every breath I take) - so we could launch on 40 minutes warning including travel time and putting up the sail.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Smitten and impromptu dinner with my parents

Smitten and I went hiking last weekend. That was fun, even if a little frosty (about -4C). A nice day. There's not much snow around here yet.

Went by my parents' place to pick some stuff up after the hike.

I had called to advise them that I would be by late in the afternoon "after we go for a hike". I did not elaborate on who "we" were. When we arrived it was about 6pm. I popped in the grab the stuff. They invited me to stay for supper. I advised them that Smitten was waiting in the vehicle, and they suggested I invite her as well.

I checked with her and we accepted the invitation.

Supper was good. My parents think Smitten is pleasant.

My Mom had picked up on the "we" in my statement.

She decided spontaneously to invite us. She said later (to me) that she had not had the idea until that moment.

I had predicted to Smitten that they would invite us in, but had said I didn't know if they actually would. I did not ask her to join me in my initial entrance into the house because I did not want to put my parents in an awkward position.

I did not know if they would want to meet her at this time.

I was pleased they invited her.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

i was going to do a post...

except as i was writing it, instead of just telling you what was happening and how i was feeling, i was thinking about how to write the post in order to defend myself from my shadow, blog_surfer

i started wrting material that would look more at home in a political position paper - full of explanation and background and covering language to avoid attack, or to give myself cover in the event of attack

and it wasn't any fun

you see, blog_surfer has decided to start posting his rebuttals about me and this blog's content in the comments on other people's blogs (i imagine that's because i delete his stuff pretty quick off of here).

i also have a problem with leaving some of his wild and twisted interpretations of what i say without rebuttal - which leaves me in the original position of having to spend my time clarifying and explaining while under constant attack. that changes the nature of my blog from being a refuge and a place to explore my life and feelings to being yet another place where i am under attack - where i have to hide my feelings and thoughts because i am being attacked for those thoughts.

i imagine that pretty quick, in order to avoid the acrimony and weird crossposts to their blogs - to avoid the spillover and because of the discomfort that they might be attacked too - people will stop posting comments here. then there would be only two voices left - mine and blog_surfer's

or, if i close comments and leave it in moderated mode, it will limit comments because that is a big part of the culture and the circle - seeing what other people have said and being part of a thread of discussion. waiting for moderation kills an essential part of the life of a blog.

i do not understand a couple of things:

1) why blog_surfer won't set up a blog of his own to expound his views
1a) why blog_surfer chooses to just post here and now in other people's comment sections instead of setting up his own blog

2) why he has such a case on about me
2a) what is he getting out of this set of actions

there are two eventual possibilities:

1) i shut down this blog and stop blogging
2) he goes away

if i were to shut down this blog and start a new one, i assume that blog_surfer would be looking for me in a new incarnation and would simply resume his disruptive activities and comments

he shows no liklihood of going away and shows every sign of being obsessive, so him going away is not very likely

the third possibility not described above is to take this blog private and only allow users who have whitelisted blogger IDs to be able to see the blog

that would present some other problems with how i would like this blog to operate in the best of all worlds... i would like some online friends from another community to be able to freely come and check out what is going on in my life

i am considering these options at this time

By the way - this is in no way a "please beg me to stay" post. This is a "blog_surfer is right under my skin and is ruining what i want to get out of blogging" post. If I have missed a solution, please advise.

Monday, November 20, 2006


went to Smitten's dance performance this weekend. these pictures should give you a flavour of the evening. the other pictures of the evening were too clear. because the costumes are so individual, even if i obscured faces, there would not be an adequate level of anonymity.

the belly dance/tribal dance show was spectacular.

there was a narrative behind the show that tied all the dances together, so it was really a full performance. it was artistic and quite sensuous. i was wowed.

i took the kids to see the show. both my kids are ethnic dancers, so this was right up their alley. it was also interesting for them each in their own personal way. my daughter is just really starting to explore pre-adolescent ideas around sexually and womanhood and this performance was about women dancing for women in a "sisterhood" of dance. she was quite taken.

my son is 15. it was a belly dance performance. 'nuff said...

met Smitten's ex-husband after the performance. he came to pick up their kids. he's not a dance/art/performance kind of guy so he didn't go.

it was kind of a weird moment, but it went just fine. it was only a couple of minutes long - i was leaving to drive my kids back to their Mom's place.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

too busy having fun


so, i'm too busy having fun right now to keep deleting blog_surfer hust this minute, and probably the weekend, so i decided to leave him up. i'm still wondering why his only existence is to come here to make comments about my life.


never said my wife beats my kids dude. i said that they were anxious, my son had to intervene, and my daughter had bruises and nail marks.

not enough evidence to get the police or have the kids removed from the house.


gotta go, leaving town for the day, need to be back for an evening tribal dance performance

i hope everyone enjoys their weekend

Friday, November 17, 2006

clarification on the "half" posting

A fair bit of emotion comes through in my previous postings.

To those who take offence: Sorry if I'm emotional with regard to these issues, or upset about being compared to a child molester...

I understand that anger lessens me. Especially public displays of it. But I have contained that anger for years until it made me physically ill.

I apologise for the display of anger you saw here.

The people who have seen that anger as expressed here? My parents, unfortunately Smitten, and you. I suspect it will pop out at my next counselling session...

Not even my lawyer. My instructions there? An even handed and flat voiced statement "I have decided that your advice is well taken. I should proceed toward an even split."

I believe that spouses in a marriage breakdown should get half. I worked for years supporting the inclusion of those principles into our matrimonial property act. I also believe in joint custody, and worked to have those principles enshrined in law as well.

Oddly enough, we were successful in our endeavours and it is law in our jurisdiction.

I also believe in the value of raising children and have worked to alter our social welfare structure and childcare and scholastic structures to recognise the value of children and families.

Many of those beliefs are also reflected in public policy in our jurisdiction.

We were classified as the best place to live in the world by the United Nations. A huge part of that was the social environment we have created for families and children. We actually reduced child poverty levels here. The only jurisdiction in the western world to do so.

I believe that the work I did in raising the kids is a significant value to our family. That even I did not earn the same money as Mrs_C while I was at home (when they were little I earned about $12-20,000 a year just working from home. mrs_c earned about $40-50,000 at that time) I believe that I made a strong contribution in child rearing, and made pretty decent money out of my basement during nap times and after they went to sleep.

My income went up when they started attending part-time daycare and part-time at Grandparents. But I still did the shuttling, school, doctors and other stuff. I cooked, cleaned, shopped and other stuff too.

I was prepared, in my divorce situation, to take less than half for a number of reasons:

  • i believed that it would make things smoother;
  • i believed that it would make the settlement faster;
  • i believed that it would cause less disruption to mrs_c and to the kids;
  • i felt guilty about leaving, even though i felt justified;
  • i felt guilty about earning less money than mrs_c during our marriage, even if it was a mutual decision;
  • i have been angry for years when every time mrs_c would tell me she was leaving me, the thing she would always say was "The thing that sickens me most is that if I leave, you'll get half of my pension." I didn't want her fucking pension.

I have always proposed a reasonable structure and timing to settlement. I have always said that my goal was to minimise disruption, and to make sure that she was not put under undue financial stress because of the split.

I am still paying part of the bills on the house. I pay for her cell phone. She has the house and the use of all the stuff in it. I have offered to stay married for a longer period of time just to extend our medical coverage. Dental work (unless it is "disease" related) is not covered under medicare here. Mrs_C needs a bunch of major dental work. Each of our coverages will pay about half the bill.

When I was discussing property settlement with mrs_c, I proposed a decent and reasonable structure for settlement:

  1. She keeps her pension, I keep mine (hers is substantially larger).
  2. She keeps her personal (credit card) debt, I keep mine.
  3. I take the whole vehicle loan (even though $3000 of it was to to pay off her credit card) because it is on my vehicle
  4. She keeps the majority of the household effects (worth about $35,000 according to our insurance documents). I take my CDs and my personal stuff and some of the things that were provided to us by my parents that she doesn't use.
  5. The equity on the house gets split equally

When I originally proposed the above, and she refused to discuss it, I had offered to take only 40% of the net value of the house. I have since moved to the above position of 50% of house equity.

Mrs_C's response to the outline I gave was "I paid most of the bills while we were married, I should get most of the stuff. You can have your personal stuff."

When I pointed out that it was a mutual decision, and reminded her of the times she said I shouldn't get a higher paying job so that I could spend more time with the kids, and that she had said she liked me being home because then she could "Have [my] time whenever she wanted it, instead of a job interfering with it"

She retorted with something else that I don't remember. I asked "So what do you think would be fair? Should you get everything? The house, the kids, everything?"

She responded "YES!"

"You should get nothing. You should be left penniless and alone. I made you. You would be nothing without me, and now some other woman will reap the benefit!"

When we discussed bill splitting with regard to costs for the kids she was arguing about what constituted fair, then all of a sudden she said "You'll be paying me. I'm going for full custody and you'll be paying me support. I'm going to take so much of your money, you'll have to move into some shitty apartment that the kids won't want to visit you in, and I'll send you postcards from the Caribbean."

If I had received my share of the property settlement as outlined in either of the above scenarios I would have been able to pay off all my debt and buy a house - I would have the third bedroom. The reason I am still in an apartment is that it would make each month too tight for me. I prefer to have some maneuvering room.

When I said "fuck her" in the last posts, I meant (and wrote) "i am standing square on the line defined by the law. half is half."

The "fuck her" meant I am not going to bend over and be a patsy anymore

I meant: I am not giving her more than half and fuck her if I will be Mr Nice Guy and go further than half way.

Yep. That's me being nasty. Standing square on the line of fairness and not giving more than my share.

Just for the record, I still suspect the final settlement will look like my proposal above. I may ask for more of a split of the value of houshold effects... I really have little interest in taking her pension. Never did. That's why it pissed me off so bad every time she would say it to me.

I only ever wanted her to love me.

It is mrs_c's stated intention to take the kids away from me, and to "Use every trick in the book to get [her] way".

Mrs_C comes from a family where she was molested by her Mother's brother and her cousin, and beaten and abused by her Mother.

(in my opinion her mother still abuses her metally and emotionally)

Her mother's favourite tool to beat her with was a belt buckle. One of Mrs_C's Aunt's took her to the hospital (small town - early '60s) once because the bruising was so bad. Mrs_C said it happened regularly (almost daily) - that was the only time there was medical intervention.

Mrs_C has left bruises on our son before. We agreed that we would not use corporal punishment in our household after she whacked him so hard with a belt that it left bruises on him. She told me that she had felt herslef losing control and that she wanted to never be in a situation where the anger could take over physically because whe didn't know if she would be able to stop herself if she had that kind of rage overtake her again.

For the record, I can recall being struck by my parents (my Dad) twice. I recall getting a few quick single whacks on the ass from my Mom with a wooden spoon or such when I was little.

Having worked on a couple of child abuse prevention/protection protocols in my time, and having dealth with it as part of public policy debate, I have some notion of what constitutes reasonable force and what constitutes violence. I also understand my role as a parent in protecting and intervening. Also, I understand the weight of evidence and documentation that will be needed for that intervention.

I have discussed "escape/flight" scenarios with my children and have provided them with telephone numbers to call and locations to go to. I carry my cell all the time - even when I am working out. I have a couple of designated people who live in the area who will do a pick-up in the event that Mrs_c flips her wig.

I have not fully thought through all the "escape" scenarios.

I will be sewing small bags with keys and quarters that I will be sewing to the kids coats for emergencies. There is a 24 hour store right by our place (across the school yard) that is only ever closed on Christmas day that can always provide at least physical shelter.

So there you go.

Some clarification.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

let's talk about half...


what does half mean?

to me it means half

if one side gets less, then the other side gets more in any two way split


"To take from her is to take from them." was a comment on a previous posting.

is the phrase to take from cadbury is to take from them applicable as well?

i am living in an apartment. i am living an apartment instead of in a house because i was being easy on mrs_c and mindful of the kids. the kids don't like sharing a room here and mrs_c brings it up every time she can (with me, the kids, and anyone else). but i am doing this for the sake of stability. mrs_c is making it a cornerstone of her custody bid.

so me being nice to her is being played against me.

if i had asked for a faster settlement of my half of the property/assets i would be in a house with 3 bedrooms.

i think half means half.

she earns more than me because i stayed home with the kids for years. and yet i should let her walk away with the benefits of that again? do poopy diapers and school plays and kindergarten concerts count for nothing?

or is it because i am a man that all of a sudden the half rules change? i thought we all spent all that time talking about the value of raising children so that there would be some recognition of the value of child rearing. or is it different because i'm a guy?

i quote from my previous posting:

"i am standing square on the line defined by the law.

half is half."

and as for the kids suffering... are they suffering if i refuse to allow their mother to take them away from me during my week (unless it is a special occasion)? is my time with them worth nothing?

is it wreaking "vengeance" to finally say enough is enough? to say I have value as a human being and I will not allow her to trample me into the ground

is that vengeance?

is saying that i have given enough blood and tears to another human being vengeance?



when do i get to not have to meet her further than half way? when?

i understand that

"fuck her
i will get creative
she wants some burn?
i haven't even started"

implies a level of nastiness

but i'm unlikely to get there

i found out mrs_c was about to hit my daughter last week and my son had to intervene physically. i found out that she had squeezed daughter's arm so hard it left bruises and nail marks. my daughter apparently challenged her with the statement "are you going to turn into your mother now?" mrs_c's response "I don't beat you every day"

i took photos, but they didn't turn out such that you could see them and daughter didn't want me to retake the photos and i didn't want to push it.

one of the ladies in our office is a commisioner for oaths, so i am swearing out statements on the subject for documentation putposes.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

incomplete work and renewed assignments

i didn't finish a project i was working on by deadline. or rather the project wasn't finished by deadline...

i was done 30 minutes after deadline, and had the printers standing by ready to receive the files.

earlier this summer i wasn't able to write it (mostly because i couldn't concentrate worth a shit) and my boss farmed out a bunch of the writing to the other guys - they were feeling their oats on it and were whooping and hollering on getting a chunk of the plum assignment (high profile in the organization and public). i was doing lay-up and production direction, but none of the base writing. it had all previously been my work - for about 5 years. others did research, but no writing or layout or production.

my boss had previously approved their work- their writing. i wasn't very thrilled, but i don't shoot down other people's work just because it doesn't match my style.

i finished lay-up. it had been proofed by all the proofers. it had passed a lay-out inspection.

this has been my daily slog for over two months, and has been a preliminary activity since early summer (a very big document - large magazine size).

but as i was about to send it for printing, my boss pulls into my office and says "Don't send it yet. Let's read it out loud. We can pay the printers to sit there waiting for us."

we read it out loud.

he says "This sucks. I don't know why I approved it. It sounded good in the individual pieces, but it blows chunks as a package. There is no magic. No song."

He thinks a bit... "Tell the printers to pull the plug. We'll pay any penalties."

He then tells me to rewrite the whole thing.

"Work your magic"

i finished rewriting several pages by end of work today. He was thrilled "Now that's what I'm talkin' about". The other guys are a little miffed, but it was the boss's decision, not mine.

I was actually kind of getting into the rewrite. I had more song and inspiration than since last year.

I'm a little torn in how i feel about this.

I really want this project off my plate. I'm pleased that he values my work enough to toss everyone else's stuff except as base research. But I really want it off my plate. But I can feel the passion and excitement for the project building in me - that hasn't been there all year.

Oh well. Don't really have any choice.

I still haven't figured out if this isn't some weird maneuver by my boss to snap me out of my slump.

Either way, I have a project to finish. Again.

Monday, November 13, 2006

worse than a child molester

mrs_c told my daughter that i am worse than her uncle. that i abused her worse than her uncle.

her uncle sexually molested mrs_c from the age of 5 to 13.

she told my daughter i abused her worse than he did.

as we were discussing this mrs_c arrived to pick up daughter to go to a craft show. we have yet to return to the subject (i am being gentle with such things - i don't want to grill her for information - she needs to be and feel safe) so i don't know if there were any details about how i was worse...

the kids both made a couple of wisecracks about mrs_c's comment and then the door buzzer went.

i am very upset.

i am cold angry.

the names i have been called. the aspersions cast my way. the comments about my person and my actions and my lie with mrs_c. the accusations of and affair.

i was tolerant.

but this.


i am at the end.

this is too far.

i will not stand for this.

she gets nothing. she gets nothing from me. i am at the end of my tolerance. i am at the end of it all.

i will give nothing.

her pension? the one i was going to leave her with all of?

fuck her.

the furniture and household effects that i was going to let her have most of?

fuck her.

i am standing square on the line defined by the law.

half is half.

all the nicey nice with the kids?

fuck her.

she wants to do something every weekend (even on my time) with daughter like she always does?

fuck her.

i will make shit up if i have to. i will invent outings that the kids and i will go on.

daughter coming over to mrs_c's house every day after school before i get home from work?

fuck her

i will get creative

she wants some burn?

i haven't even started

Saturday, November 11, 2006

further reflections on the reality of the cycle of abuse

i was talking to my friend the other day. we were best friends. he lives in Quebec now. he's a professor. he was the best man at my wedding.

we only talk a couple of times a year now, with a few emails as well.

he was asking about the separation. he asked why it had happened.

i said "you remember when we were dating? you remember how about once each month (yes - timed to a biological phenomenon) she would say we were breaking up and she was leaving and that she didn't want to see me any more and then she'd tell me all the things that were bad about me and stuff like that?" he remembered. "well, that once a month event turned into a 4 days bad, 3 days good scene. and then it got so that it was mostly just bad with the occasional flash of good - i just couldn't take it anymore."

i realised that this cycle had been going on since we were dating.

i thought about what Smitten had told me about the cycle of abuse when she introduced me to the concept. The tension starts to build, its heightens, there's a blow out, and then there's a honeymoon period. the honeymoon can last for an indefinite period of time. sometimes years. but eventually it ends. then the cycle happens again. the time period is always shorter. eventually the abuser realises they no longer need to be nice or have a make-up/suck-up period because they are so in control that they don't need to hide or worry that they will be faced with any consequences.

i realised that the situation with mrs_c fit that scenario. all the way to the realisation that she didn't have to be nice anymore.

that would be when i left. after i realised she wasn't being nice anymore.

after 2 years...

all of this stuff still replays in my head over and over again. i keep recognising all the things i did that were criticised, and all the points where i would be jumped on. it's like a fog is slowly lifting and i can see the wreckage strewn around. i find that it is hard to have an hour go by - especially when i am with smitten - that i don't have some flash of a situation where mrs_c burned me on something - any action whatsoever - everyday stuff - how i park the vehicle, how fast i'm going, where i park in the parking lot, what i'm wearing, what i say, what i cook, what i buy, how i eat or chew, sometimes even how i would breathe or sigh or yawn.

i write it down lots of times. i then try to remember a bunch of examples of when the incident would happen, and i write them down. i ask my counselor or a few confidantes about the incidents. i have not much to measure against for "normal" relationships. most of the times they find it hard to believe. my counselor actually referred me for a couple of sessions to a female counselor who worked with abuse survivors to screen my impressions and get feedback from her. being a guy, my counselor has less experience with abuse survivors. i have a male counsellor because i am uncomfortable that sometimes i say something in a moment of anger about women in general - and then i realise that it is about one woman. i would find it uncomfortable to have said some of those things in the presence of a woman because i would fear i had offended her.

my feminist indoctrination and beliefs are taking awhile to change the vector on. not all men are evil. i am not evil simply because i am i large white male with a deep voice in a position of privilege and power... mrs_c used my feminism and guilt fairly effectively against me over the years.

it sure helps that Smitten has been a women's centre activist and is fully read on all the major works of modern feminism. she provides a swell reality check.

also, as a recovering catholic herself she has a view on how my religious upbring has shaped all those nifty guilt triggers too

when i have a reaction or panic attack around Smitten, I will usually tell her what i believe the trigger was - or she'll sense the change and ask me. it's better that she knows, rather than just wonder what the hell is going on in my head if i suddenly get rigid or drastically formal or awkward or act different.

she works with people who've survived abuse (she not a counselor - she helps people put their lives back together afterwards). she is understanding. she says "i am not your counselor and don't want to be, but i can help you past these triggers, and help you realise that you are safe when you are with me."

in the movies it all gets resolved in a montage with stirring music in the background - until the scene where there is the big breakdown scene where the person cries and lets it out and it's all better. ta da. the end.

not for me.

it revolves in my head again and again. and it doesn't go away. i feel bad for Smitten. There is a third person in out relationship, and she's an ugly participant. it is a measure of the person Smitten is that she is prepared to put up with it. she says that i am a beautiful person - that i am worth it. she says that she has never met a more tender or loving man than me in her life. that she will hold me as i heal.

Friday, November 10, 2006

quick update - lawyer, counselling

Talked to the lawyer. My position is still solid.

Got direction on how to begin proceedings at the lowest cost. Will be sending an initial letter describing the process I envision.

I will be putting forward a starting position for negotiations on a "without prejudice" basis. That is - nothing proposed can be used in the future to try to hold be to a position proposed in the initial letter.

I am going to propose mediation to start with (lowest cost), and then we will proceed from there. I reviewed my expected final position with the lawyer and my parents and while they think i may be prepared to give up too much, they also agree that getting it all done qucikly is probably worth the $15-$20K down I will come out under my proposal - especially since about $10-$15K of that will be pension related transfers.

The lawyer says that the longer i keep the alternating week arrangement on custody, the less likely the courts will be to change the arrangement - especially since the law starts with joint custody and will only alter that if there is substantive reason.

Mrs_C rejected the counselling arrangments I made. Even though they were exactly as she had requested they be with the agency she requested...

She has come up with some other people, so i will review her stuff and see how it works.

More later.

Things are insanely busy between work, kids, fall activities, volunteer stuff, and Smitten.

Some days are better, some are worse.

Lots of thinking. Probably too much.

I miss cross-talking with all of you on your blogs. I miss you.

I will probably post again this weekend with a little more detail on the above stuff.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Tag - you're it!

Balloon Pirate and Terry say we are to consider ourselves tagged if we read to the end of their entries.

1. Explain what ended your last relationship?

I got so frustrated and upset with another multi-hour "conversation" with my wife that I punched out a big piece of my garage wall. A chunk about 4 ft high by 2 feet wide. (read about it here).

I'm normally a terribly restrained person. And while I realised that anyone that could make me lose my mind in such a serious manner was probably someone I should not be around, that incident is not really what ended it.

I couldn't cope with what was happening in my marriage. Read my whole blog for the answer.

2. When was the last time you shaved?

9pm Monday night.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?

waiting for my son to finish eating his breakfast - late as usual... as i picked him up from his mom's place to drive him to school

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?

Talking to a client.

5. Are you any good at math?

I am half-assed proficient at most varieties of basic math, algebra, and calculus - but i do not consider myself highly skilled.

6. Your prom night?

We don't have "proms". I assume you mean my grade 12 high school graduation dance. I took a woman whom i was sort of dating. She left the grad party with another guy - whom I consider to be a tool... I figure it was an easy way for me to realise she was not the girl for me.

I went for breakfast with my friends.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?

How famous is famous? Various official historical sites have plaques with various ancestors names on them. No statues. There are lakes, streets, and geographical locations named after various members of my family/ancestors. There are encyclopedia and reference books with entries about my family/ancestors.

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school?


9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?

Looked at myspace once. Cringed.

10. Last thing received in the mail?

A regional catholic newspaper that my dad subscribed me to and some bills and junk mail.

11. How many different beverages have you had today?

2 - coffee and water.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machines?

almost always if i don't reach the person. my messages are clear, concise, and have all pertainent information (in this order) - who is calliing (me), whom i am trying to reach, time and date of call, usually subject of call with short synopsis of projected conversation, contact information/how to reach me - usually repeated so the person does not have to replay the message to write it down, and any deadline by which i expect a response to my message if applicable. Oh, and alternate people to contact to resolve the subject of the call if applicable.

I am a message weenie.

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?

Paul Williams of Phantom Of The Paradise fame - arts centre - maybe 3,000 people.

I didn't get to see Supertramp or the Police because my friend's parents wouldn't let him go with me and my parents wouldn't let me go alone. Second concert was David Bowie, Peter Gabriel, and the Tubes in one concert - football stadium.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?


15. What was the most painful dental procedure you have had?

wisdom tooth pulled. anesthetic didn't take properly. eventually took 3 shots to deaden the nerve.

16. What is out your back door?

apartment - no back door

17. Any plans for Friday night?

Dinner with Smitten - and our collective kids.

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?

don't have any hair to get done...

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?

don't even know what you are talking about.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?

every city that i have been in that has one. i am a museum and planetarium junkie.

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?

yes - about 3 days - hung to dry after each use

22. Some things you are excited about?

learning to sail, learning/brushing up a variety of spanish/latin dances, freedom to redefine my life

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?


don't really eat jello - lemon or raspberry, i guess

24. Describe your keychain(s)?

many keys. all the places i need to get into. divided onto different rings by utility/location cluster. releaseable catch on ignition key to leave vehicle running in winter if i need to step out

26. Where do you keep your change?

front right pants pocket

27. What kind of winter coat do you own?


leather bomber
leather 3/4 length
other winter coat (full size cold weather)
suit/car/dress overcoat

i have a couple of other winter coats kicking around that i don't wear anymore

28. What was the weather like on your graduation day?

nice - sunny - gorgeous

29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?


30. Did you read this far?


and in the tradition of those who tagged me - having read this, you are now tagged

Monday, November 06, 2006

much of the pain is gone

In the morning I woke up and the terrible stabbing pain I had in my head and neck and back was gone. Breakfast and fantastic lattes were waiting for us. We moved through the town from shop to museum to gallery no faster than our feet could carry us. The sound of the waves was our constant companion.

As I sipped my wine and looked in her eyes everything was right with the world

The people who own the bed and breakfast are friends of mine. I was in the "business" with them. The husband was one of my mentors, and I even worked under him for awhile. When we first met we were on opposite sides of an internecine war inside our "organisation". We still carry the "scars" we caused each other at that time today.

They have escaped from the business. I still carry the sword.

Both of them developed serious health problems after decades in the business. They have been concerned about my health. They are pleased that I have developed an exit strategy. They are pleased with the improvements to my health and my plans.

They really liked Smitten.

They invited us back about 7 times during the weekend (a couple of years ago when I visited with Mrs_C we did not get invited back... the invitation was always open to me to visit them, and I have also done work for them in their post-business lives).

They have offered space in their B&B if it is available, or if not we can stay at their cottage that is about 30 miles away from their B&B. They have offered it especially if we follow through on our desire to learn to sail.

I guess I haven't mentioned that yet. I have had a hankering to learn to sail for years (mrs_c is afraid of deep water and is terrified of even going on things like ferries...). Smitten grew up near the ocean and wants to learn to sail. The coincidence is wonderful. She loves the sound of waves and water. Even in her profile she said she wanted to be near water - but being as we are drylanders for the most part she didn't think she'd find anyone with a really big interest in water or sailing. And then she met me...

We have the opportunity to borrow a 15 foot sailboat to learn on (located 25 minutes from where we live) from some of smitten's friends. They also have a 32 foot sailboat that is coincidentally on the same lake as the aforementioned cottage and B&B - stored about 10 miles from the B&B.

The synchronicity of it all says this is meant to be.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

gone on a trip

Smitten and I are going to a cozy bed and breakfast about 7 hours drive from where i live.

some friends of mine run it. i do computer/internet stuff for them. they pay me with time at their place. i am collecting the last two years of payment - or at least collecting part.

it's a great place - indoor pool, sauna, hot tub

in a funky little resort town

i hope to escape the pressure and harrassment i have been living under recently.

if only for a few days

between work and life i am nearing a breaking point

see you when i come up for air