The other day my son [14] and daughter [10] and I were talking about things. In response to their questions, I had told them that it was still up in the air whether things would work out between their Mom and I.
My daughter said "Well, either way, I'm OK because I know that it's not my fault, and you guys need to just work out your own problems and make your own decision."
That is a siginificant change.
She used to believe she could impact our relationship and do something that would keep us together.
I was always worried she would feel guilty if we split - that she hadn't done something.
She's a real card-making, craft making, colour between the lines, teacher's dream child.
She has guilt issues and pleasing authority figures issues in my opinion...
She is my precious gem, but I can't relate to the please authority figures thing. Maybe scurry to please loved ones, I guess, but teachers? But she loves her teachers and her school and I'm pleased for her - she has had some just amazingly nice teachers (not my son, let me tell you. sorry if I'm dissing teachers buddha_girl - I suspect you would a teacher I would like. Did I mention I teach? [adult computer education])
Anyway,
she said she would be OK even if we did get a divorce, and that she knew it wouldn't be her fault or responsibility.
That's a big step, and a huge hurdle out of the way for me.
The impact on her was my largest anxiety subset.
“All I want is for the baby to be healthy!”
8 months ago
2 comments:
Working and loving children for years and years in many different venues has taught me so many things; one of which is this: children are more resilient than we think.
Your daughter's comments about the problem and solution for your marriage belonging to you and your wife rather than her is proof of this. I'm sure she's a people-pleaser, but she's also quite insightful, honest, and forthright - all amazing traits to have at such a young age.
As for the teacher comment - hell, I work with some people who I believe should be locked up merely because of the verbal games they play with kids they choose to not like. Not all teachers are good. Humans are fallible.
My daughter's world was always a protected innocent and joyful world. I didn't/don't want her to lose that innocence until she grew to meet her contact with the world.
I realised along the way that she's probably losing it pretty good during this period with Mom and I. We've never fought (more than once or twice) in front of the kids and that has been restrained. Her Mom and I have been really tense around each other for most of this year. I imagine that has broken down a little of that innocence.
> all amazing traits to have at such a young age.
She's REALLY bright - both kids are. Her teacher said to her "Are you sure your not a 35 year old trapped inside a 10 year old body?"
----
On teachers (i feel guilty for possibly offending you, buddha_girl):
School sucked for me. My teachers were OK, but failed to protect me from bullying. Grade shool was hell. Some teachers in high school were idols of mine.
My son had 3 [male] grade school teachers who made his and all our lives miserable - he was failing school (context: standardized tests done outside the classroom [while he was in gr 8] by school board consultants put his academic abilities at 1st year university in english, and at grade 11 in french. he speaks and writes in a third language [both kids], but we didn't have him tested in it).
In high school he hit honour roll from day one and hasn't looked back.
Environmental?
----
anyway, i have a bit of an anti-authority/anti-establishment streak that often comes out around the school system.
did i mention that i am on a bunch of parent committees and sometimes "guest teach" computer stuff as a parent volunteer at the school?
(trying to prove i'm not one of the bitchers that makes your life difficult)
Post a Comment