Sex

originally started on Feb 1 - updated/appended on Feb 23

Since Christmas, Mrs_C has tried to be more sexually active with me.

I feel a level of guilt about having sex, because I worry that it is insincere (well, I know it's insincere...) to be considering leaving and then sleeping with her.

At the same time... uh, I like sex. A lot. Mrs_C is still an attractive lady, and I'm also honestly trying to see if things can work (sort of, I guess). Sexual issues are part of the mix.

Sometimes things are OK. Those are the points where we have ended up having sex - I dunno, I think 5 times since just before Christmas. More than the whole year previous to that point, I think...

Here's where it all gets messy in my head.

I feel like I'm being insincere. I also have the suspicion that part of Mrs_C's newfound interest in sex is (for lack of a better word) entrapment (or entanglement). Now, in one sense, I'm OK with being entangled and entrapped, it's just I don't feel like she really wants to do it - if I believed she was really interested in me and really wanted me, things would change and this marriage could work.

But she seems to be missing the point.

Some background:

Shortly before Christmas I got mad about her never wanting to have sex. I try really hard to be an understanding guy, because I really do understand that she's tired - and I'm willing to wait (months in fact!). I tried to make a gentle approach by caressing her. She obviously knew where I was going (my erection pressing against her as we spooned might have been a give-away...). She got mad at me and chewed me out. I desisted.

The next day I was a little pissed (not just about sex - read further) and was sullenly silent and perfunctory in my conversation when I arrived home. I was still pissed off the day after, too. That night she confronted me about it saying she believed I was mad at her for not wanting to have sex. She said I was insensitive to the fact that she was tired.

I tried to explain that it wasn't actually the issue of sex, but the fact that she could stay up late watching re-runs of Columbo, home renovation shows, and stock market shows, but then got choked about me cutting into her sleep time by wanting to have sex. I said that I was OK with her being tired and not wanting to, and that I was more than happy to let her sleep, it's just that she wouldn't be so tired if she went to sleep sooner instead of watching the above cited shows... And I'm extra glad that Columbo re-runs are higher on her priority list than sex with me.

Anyway, Mrs_C became convinced that sex was the issue, not the question of whether she was attracted to me enough to want to have sex, or the question of Columbo rating higher than me.

At one point I said that I had considered whether she was having an affair or not, and whether her lack of interest in sex with me was an indicator of such. I came quickly to the conclusion that this was not a likely causality relationship. I did tell Mrs_C that I wished she was having an affair, because then at least I would know she was interested in sex, and just didn't like me (yeah, I know, kind of a cheap shot). Because I could live with her not liking me, or not being attracted to me, but that it would really sad if she just never wanted to have sex...

She got drunk the other night and wanted to do it. Just like old times. Mrs_C gets drunk, chews me out, and then wants to have sex.

Anyway, we're back to no sex or even reference to physicality again, and I guess I can live with that for now.

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Feb 23 addendum:

It's now several weeks later.

Much water has passed under the bridge.

Mrs_C wants to have sex regularly. I'm still suspicious of motive.

She says that she wants to change her ways with regard to sex. She says that she realises that she had abandoned that part of herself and our relationship and that she wants to fix that part of things.

She even says it's OK to just have sex for the sake of sex without the romance or "deep longing love" elements of making love.