i'm alive

more or less alive

so much has happened

so much has changed

so little is different

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i'm going to have to stretch out my posts about the last two months because it would be the mother of all posts to do one single update

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i'm still employed even if many of my friends aren't. much of my life is clustered around the business, and so are my friends. i like having friends whose worldview is like mine.

now the people who made up my daily life and who shared my passion are scattering

it's sad

it's an adjustment

i will see how many friendships endure beyond the common tie of work

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my Dad had a couple of major TIAs (transient ischemic attack). He was hospitalised and had partial paralysis in his right side. He is still recovering from the paralysis.

"TIAs occur when a blood clot temporarily clogs an artery, and part of the brain doesn't get the blood it needs. The symptoms occur rapidly and last a relatively short time. Most TIAs last less than five minutes. The average is about a minute. Unlike stroke, when a TIA is over, there's no injury to the brain."

TIAs are also called mini-strokes. It's a bit of a mis-nomer. A stroke causes permanent damage, a TIA does not.

The medical folks believe that this episode caused no permanent damage. They found evidence of dead tissue, though - so he has had real strokes already. This doesn't come as a huge surprise to me. He has had various confusion issues - he is really quite brilliant, so his slightly damaged brain is still sharper than most people's full capacity. But knowing him - he is diminished - as noted in a couple of past posts.

My mom isn't talking it very well. Dad is being his usual asshole self. Concerned for the first little bit, adjusts to the minor discomfort and then doesn't change.

He has the adult version of teenaged invulnerability. He has always been such a capable individual he was able to handle anything and everything that was ever thrown his way. Add to that a politician's ego and you have a recipe for ignoring the decrepitude of age. Add to that a healthy dose of physical laziness. He can work physically hard - he farmed for most of his life in addition to his professional career. His jobs have been extremely demanding - he always works hard at anything he works at - but only what he chooses to, and only what he wants to. And he doesn't do exercise. It holds no interest for him. He can bluff, and slough, and slide his way through everything else. Now this too.

Add to that a streak of stubbornness that would put a mule to shame...

We'll see how all this works out.

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after being stable for awhile

stbx-Mrs_C is losing it

in a bad way

the shit that used to be directed at me is belching out toward my kids

it has accelerated over the last 3-4 weeks

that is a subject for a whole post

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it's home time, so all the rest of what i was intending to write about will have to go by the wayside for now

i will post a few pictures from the wine tour Smitten and I went on - where we got to meet Balloon Pirate.

things are good there

sometimes wonderful

sometimes tired

not the relationship

but the people

there is a lot happening - maybe most of it is happening in my own head

but it tires me out

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home time

more later

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P.S. sorry to have been a bad blog buddy, but there was little choice over the last while

i have tried to keep half assed up to date on your blogs, but have sucked in general. i will continue to suck for the next while - just not as bad as i have recently

thank-you to everybody that checks in and who has inquired

thank-you for being friends