daughter's arm on monday
what my mom made for her granddaughter (fully homemade) that was reported subsequently as "feels good in my stomach"
finally relaxing a little - she was home from school today (extreme headaches, muscle pain and spasms)
she had just eaten a bowl of the pasta (and finished an hour's massage)
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yeah - the stbx doesn't care what she does
she just needs to fill the void inside her
she doesn't care who she destroys trying to fill her void
even if it's the people she says she loves
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a draft excerpt from material i am writing for my lawyer - explaining what her "outbursts" are for when the courts ask what it is in her behaviour that is causing such pain in the people around her:
stbx doesn't trust that people love her. She lacks the sense of self, and the self-love to accept that she is loved and is lovable.
When she receives a demonstration of love or affection, two things will often happen that take much the same form:
1)because she doesn't truly believe that people love her, she will test them to see if they really love her, or if they are being nice to her because they want something from her. At some point the person reacts to being tested or their demonstration or statement of love and affection being challenged.
2)if she perceives the action or words to be real, because she usually feels unloved and unlovable, she wants more – and she will take actions or say things to get the giver to do more – and will ask for more as long as the person will give. At some point the giver recoils from love being demanded from them.
In each instance stbx's takeaway to her challenging whether people love her or not is that the people don't really love her or were “just being nice to her” - which then reinforces her self-image of being unloved and unlovable.
It is a vicious cycle of neediness and rejection which ends badly.
7 comments:
I'm so sad for your child, and for you, and I hope you all get it figured out a bit - peace and strength to you and your children during this very stressful time.
Lots of love,
lil'sis
Okay I am standing on my short soapbox.. Cad.. I could care less about that mistake of a woman who sadly is the mother of you children.. the only thing it seems to me ( and granted I have no clue who she is or what she is about) .. that she has ever done worthwhile in her whole pitiful life is give birth to your children.. frankly if she dropped off the planet tommorow it would be the best thing that happens for you .. and for your kids.. with little kids.. they can rebound quicker.. an older person.. with depth and perception can not heal quickly and sadly you and your children bear the brunt of the woman's failures.. I have never read anything about her that would allow me think she is a good parental force in their lives.. the sooner she is out of their lives the sooner you can try and mend some of the damage done.. and hopefully heal completely yourself.. MANIPULATIVE EVIL BITCH X of yours.. I wish she would just vaporize...
Off of small soapbox..
I hope I have not offended you Cad.. but that woman pisses me off to hell and back.. why do your children have to bear the carnage of HER issues.. that is just horrible to me.. Much luck in the healing process..
Can't you have your attorney ask the judge for a psychiatric evaluation on your stbx?
Devil's advocate here, but it's your word against hers. You need a professional oppinion.
I would like to suggest that you buy some vitamin E for your daughter to put on her scars to help them heal.
The comments are all great. . . I just don't understand why things seem to move ever so slowly with this divorce. . . and the kids. . . it breaks my heart. . .
I am so very sorry for you and your children. . . . even makes me sad that their mother is screwed up.
Ciao
The comments are all great....every one of them.
Your poor baby....she shouldn't have to suffer like this b/c of the woman who gave birth to her.
I am SO sorry.
Update Cad, how is she doing?
that poor little angel. dear god, i just want to hold her and protect her from that evil animal she calls a mother.
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