after a substantial amount of uncontrollable weeping (i'm alone, thankfully) i have regained my equilibrium.
i'm really quite inconsolable about my son deciding to drop out of school
him finishing school was my reason to be - my mission in life until the end of June
now he won't be
he won't be graduating
he won't walk across the stage
he will have dropped out
----
i was so angry with son that i was ready to kick him out
tell him to not come back
----
i was ready to pack his bags and throw them off the balcony (4 floors) and let son and the buddy that lives in his car come get them
----
i was going to phone and cut off his cell phone
----
i am so angry that i had to abase myself to my parents to get the money from them to live while operating under the personal delusion that son would finish his school if i just helped as much as i could and was there for him every day morning and night
----
i am so angry that i withdrew from my own classes to work with my kids through their shit and daughter is back at her mother's half time (well - not as of this weekend - it's now 9 me, 5 stbx, 7 me, 7 stbx [daughter can't cope with the stbx's shit again - more in a later post]), and now son is dropping out
i put my life and next career step on hold for what?
----
when there was issues with possible suicide and such with daughter in january, i also spoke to son. i told him that even if he had to stay in bed for six months and never leave the apartment - that would be better than killing himself.
----
i have told my children that i am on their side - always
----
i was ok when son was going to not finish school this semester and finish his other classes next school year
----
i called son on his cell phone
i told him that i expected him home by midnight
that i didn't want friends to be here at midnight
that if this is his first major decision as an adult he's going to get up at a reasonable time in the morning and he's going to go to the school and withdraw himself
that he's not going to just let it happen to him
he's not going to just sit until he gets kicked out
that he's going to face his decision head on and make it under his own terms and not wait for the system to just come along and boot him
he's going to handle it as an adult
that i was going out this evening and that he and his friends could come to the apartment after i'm gone (but be gone by midnight)
that he's not going to call it dropping out
he's going to call it withdrawal
that after he wraps up his withdrawal he will come up with a plan for what he's going to do next
“All I want is for the baby to be healthy!”
8 months ago
8 comments:
Outstanding Mr. C. . . . . I am in awe of your ability to push past the pain and emotions and tell him what he really needed to hear.
Being an adult is not all it is cracked up to be . . . . but welcome him into the adult world with open arms. . . . job, rent, budgets. . . . I am sure you get the jist.
You have done what you could . . . . you will not regret having tried . . . . now move on.
Ciao
My comment might be off track, but did you say No? Dropping out or withdrawing isn't an option?
If he can't pass by June, then summer school, or repeat the grade next year?
If he refuses to go, how about calling the authorities. There has to be someone that can come to your home and inforce the law that children must attend school.
I just don't think I would be able to let it go, to let it happen like that.
on second thought, what about home study?
I guess my issue is that I don't feel that graduating high school is a choice, it's a responsibility young people owe to themselves.
By dropping out he is also setting the bar low for his sister.
"no"
sure
and his response is
"no"
right back at me
you are only required to go to school by law until you are 16 here
so,
i have only one stick to use with him and that's kicking him out of my apartment or not
and that is what i have to decide
or rather, i will need to decide what my criteria for kicking him out will be
because i expect it to come to that
he's talking about finishing his school next year through any number of alternate means
i'll believe it when i see it
in the meantime, i will give him enough space, encouragement, and kicks in the ass to see if he is serious about making changes to his life and getting a job and stuff
if not...
then comes the decision
----
yeah - i'm furious. i want to beat him to death. for real.
i mean - for real.
but i am controlling myself
----
yes - it may seem like i am being slack and ultra-permissive as a parent one more time
it seems to be everyone's answer as everything else has failed - it's certainly the one coming from my parents and from any number of my friends
Smitten certainly thinks that he should have his ass booted out the door
but i'm not doing it yet
if leaving the high school environment is what he thinks will make a difference... well, maybe it will. i have previously identified him leaving his high school as a major life event that i believe will cause him to swing upward
it's just happened a little different than i imagined
Cad, I can't begin to tell you what I would do in your situation because I don't know. I really don't. It's easy to say "I would kick him out!" or whatever....but until it's YOUR kid you don't know what you'd do or how you'd handle it.
There were situations with my girls when they were growing up that I thought I'd never face. I handled things the way I thought best.
That's all anyone can do.
It's not your life, dude. Remember that. He needs to make his decisions. The only thing you can do is set limits on what he can and cannot do in your house. And whatever he decides to do will not be because of anything you have or haven't done. Just love him, and pray for the best. I'm pulling for you, man.
You have my number if you ever want to use it.
Yeharr
My gut reaction was to kick him out. He gives me the impression that he likes that you've given up on so many things to be a good parent and to attempt to somehow make up for the shit STBX heaped on everyone.
However, I think the kicking out bit is something that would be too difficult for me to do. I can't fathom the idea of my son dropping out and kicking him out my house. He's not even four. I have no foundation for giving a helpful reaction, much less advice.
I'm hopeful that you might come up with some sort of plan with him that will cause him to see the light of day.
His sudden choice to ditch school this late in the game makes me think of a drug awareness commercial that plays here in the US. Teens narrate clips of things like: dropping out of school, becoming pregnant, getting an STD, having people humiliate them, failing school, etc.
And the last clip shows that it's all thanks to smoking some serious pot.
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