Monday, October 20, 2008

slipping over the edge

i'm slipping over the edge

i really am having difficulty coping

between

my son's depression, school absences, and drug use (pot, salvia)

my daughter's dyed black hair, overuse of makeup, party attendance and drug use (pot, salvia)

my ex's screaming fits on the kids - which they have normalised - and ranting tirades keeping them up late at night and keeping them from going to exercise or doing just about anything

the insane amount of work in my classes

how hard the math and related stuff is

the pain i am still in (shoulder/arm)

that Smitten is so on edge because i am not giving her what she had before in our relationship (mostly because of all the fucked up shit coming from the ex and the kids)

the fact that i am so defensive around her now

my parents deteriorating relationship and my Dad's incessant calls about how my mom is being so hurtful to him

Dad's deteriorating health and mental condition

the change in weather - first snow a couple of weeks ago - temperature freezing overnight, up to about 50F daytime - grey skies

not exercising because of workload and perceived demands for my time from the kids and Smitten

an inability to concentrate

and the roaring return of my fibromyalgia

and so much more...

i'm slipping over the edge

(no - i'm not suicidal - just unable to cope)

6 comments:

Wien. said...

*Big sigh Cad* I know the feeling. I reached my limit and made an appt. to see my Doctor. I've been at the bottom before and know when I'm heading there again.
good luck and vent away here on your blog. It's good for you.
w.

Sicilian said...

Mr. C. . . if you can look back on your post now and see that your life has a lot of crap. I don't know how you are dealing with it. I don't know what to say except that you must not let the STBX win. . . . it is her goal to break you. . . . . keep plugging and oh how I wish you could get your kids away from her. It would provide some peace in your life.
Ciao

Big Pissy said...

I agree with sicilian's comment.

Good luck with all this and please know that we care about you and your children.

(((hugs)))

Honi said...

wow..no fun.. first thing u must do is take care of you screw every thing else.. because if you do not have your health in control you can forget dealing with everything else... take it one issue at a time..
in whatever order necessary.. then the big picture does not seem so.. bleak...
talk to Smitten...
get a massage... take something to help ease your pain.. most importantly GET YOUR EXERCISE IN .. it helps with the pain!

terry said...

i wish i had some wise words that would be helpful, but i don't. i'll second what honi, said, though.

take care of yourself. you can't handle any of this unless/until you do.

sending good thoughts your way...

Wien. said...

Hi Cad, just checking in on you. Hope the skies are looking a bit clearer.

W.