And Suddenly The Storm Subsides

So, what's this about?

Yesterday, from work, I post how everything is going to shit.

This was after a night where mrs_c woke me up about 1:00 am to bawl me out after giving me the silent treatment during the evening, even when I had tried to gently pry the problem out of her (problem: I don't ask her out on dates enough).

I tried my half-awake best to be kind and sensitive. She stormed out. I went back to sleep. I had told myself - and her - that I wouldn't do the sleep deprivation thing again (see previous posts). If she wasn't going to listen to me, well, I had to work.

She then woke me up again a second time around 2:20 am to tell me that I was inexcuseably insensitive with my answer and by staying in bed - obviously I didn't give a shit. I tried even more feably to explain, but she rolled over in ahuff and I decided "screw you" and went back to sleep.

Mrs_C phones me once during the day with a logistical update regarding the kids and food in the house. Her call was quite brusque.

I later posted what I did from work (Caving In).

Then I get home, and mrs_c is nice as pie.

She tells me she handled things badly and she's sorry. She says she wants to try something different.

She apologises for waking me up and tells me she appreciates the fact that even though she woke me up, that I am still kind and sensitive enough to try to hear her out - even after my warning about not doing the sleep deprivation thing. She says that she got mad because I didn't give her the answer she was looking for.

I said that I tried to give the right answer. That I tried to address the emotional side of her question rather than responding to the specific substance of her complaint like I usually do. That approach didn't work.

I pointed out that I have tried every approach I can think of, and it never made a difference. My answers were never right.

I asked and she said didn't know if I could give a correct answer when she is mad.
(I didn't tell her what a bullshit attitude I think that is)

Now, she wants to, every week or so, tell each other one or two things we would like the other to correct or change or do differently.

So I asked her to try to put a time limit on her complaints. If she has a problem, she should limit her description of it to under 10 minutes, and discussion should be limited to less than 20 more minutes.

I said that I didn't think it was productive to go on for hours and days...

She said she was aware that was a problematic behaviour (my words) for her, and she would try to be more concise. She says the problem is that she is thinking out loud and thinking things through while she's talking.

I asked her to think first. I asked her to try to write it down in point form first.

I told her I thought she should think through more of what she says before letting fly, and that then maybe I wouldn't feel like she's ripping into me all the time.

If she would just think about it first, she might hear what and how she's saying it.

And so might I.

I told her I couldn't even remember the substance of the four days of grinding rant she just finished subjecting me to, and that it felt like abuse for the sake of abuse.

She wasn't happy about those descriptors, but took it.

She asked me to give her more hugs. More hugs and kisses.

Said it would be affirming and she wouldn't feel as "dangling".

I said it was hard to give hugs and kisses after being torn to shreds for a few days and that it usually took me 24 hours to stop being jumpy like a beaten dog.

She didn't like that comment either, but took it.

Then we had tea, watched a show we watch together, went to bed, and had sex.

I was still not completely into it (sex), but, well... whatever.

I wait for today's events after home time.

We'll see how the weekend works.

----

Right

On the don't ask out on dates thing.

I said that I would try to ask her out more.

I said that just like hugs and kisses, there needed to be a little emotional violence free time before I would get the big urge to spent time alone without witnesses (I may have been unneccesarily sarcastic).

She didn't like that comment either but took it too.
(usually i am much more polite and deferential, but i am seriously reaching the end of my tether)

I said that I would try to ask her out more.