Naked/Half-Naked Women Equals Infidelity

This may be only semi-coherent. It was another 3am night...

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Looking at naked or half-naked women on Voyeurweb is infidelity. Or so I have been told. I can understand the logic, even if I don't agree with it. To me infidelity is something that occurs in the physical world.

Also, according to Mrs_C, apparently having fantasies about someone else is not infidelity, that's just human. But if there is a picture involved that's infidelity.

I'm not so sure about the logic of that when placed beside the original assertions about infidelity being in the mind.

Also, taking nude photos of Mrs_C and looking at them is sometimes OK, but not always. Even if express permission was given at the time of the photo taking to take them, save them, and look at them, and it was an entirely mutual event or even suggested by Mrs_C. But there is not hard and fast rule about when it's OK or not - it is a "feeling" thing. Sometimes it's hot (sexually), and sometimes it's degrading and objectifying, even if it was hot during the photo taking session... In fact sometimes it's OK for Mrs_C to email naked pictures of herself to me, but other times it's not OK to look at them.

Is this making sense to you?

Voyeurweb used to be OK. Ok enough to post on. Ok enough to look at before, but not now. OK as long as there was no question in Mrs_C's mind about the longevity of our relationship, but now it's not OK. No mention of this before a month or two ago.

But as of last night it might be OK if we looked at it in the future, but together - not me by myself...

So, to review:

• Looking at pictures of naked women is bad if it's not Mrs_C, but sometimes it's bad even if it is her.
  
• Sometimes looking at nude pictures of Mrs_C is OK
  
• Sometimes it's OK to look at naked pictures Mrs_C took of herself and emailed to me, but other times not
  
• Looking at Voyeurweb used to be OK, but now it's not - except for if we're looking at it together, maybe.
  
• Looking at naked women other than Mrs_C is infidelity because infidelity is in the mind not the body...
  
• Fantasizing about having sex with someone else is bad, until Mrs_C is reminded that she talked to me about her own masturbatory fantasies (and even during sex fantasies) involving people other than me. Then it's OK as long as it does not involve having looked at nude pictures. Because to fantasize "is just human", but to look at nude pictures is "sick" and "degrades" both the pictured person and the viewer.

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Also, I am now cleared in Mrs_C's mind of all charges of ever having a physical affair - for the moment.

Trust and Lying

Apparently it is the case that I only describe the good things about me on this blog, even if Mrs_C has ever seen it (she is aware that I blog, but has no interest in doing so herself).

Mrs_C time:

I (Cadbury) am a liar for having not told Mrs_C about racking up my credit cards during the period I expected to be leaving her. When we decided to stay together I outlined my situation and the steps I was taking to clear them up. Now I've been asked to provide a new detailed accounting of how they will be paid down even though I already provided one in writing (I suspect it is mostly an excuse to flagellate me for having rung up the debt). Fair enough request - but I don't think decisions made while I was operating witht he intention of "going solo" can be declared lies. They can be called bad decisions, but lies - I don't think so. Your take may be different.

I am a liar for not having told Mrs_C I was thinking about leaving her until I told her.

I am a liar, untruthful, and was unfaithful for not having described in detail what/which nude women I was looking at in the last year - even though I had prior permission to do so without discussion. In fact I was unfaithful just for having looked at them

All of this was told to me in a 5 hour session last night. She decided about halfway through that she needed a drink and and several stiff whiskies later proceeded to get mildly stumbly drunk.

The discussion went 'round and 'round over all the usual subjects. During it Mrs_C told me that she wanted us to split - this crescendo'd around 2:15 am and then she refused to talk about it and told me to stop bothering her while she slept on the couch (this was about 2:30 am). So I went to bed and to sleep (I had to work at 8 am [6:30 awake] - her at 1pm). About 3 am she stormed into the room and hit me several times through the covers while yelling at me that she had begged me to stay when I said I was leaving but now I found sleep to be more important than her.

I assured her that was not my intention, and that I had been trying to talk to her but that she had rolled away from me, covered her head with a blanket and told me to go away, and then refused to answer for several minutes as I asked repeatedly (politely and evenly) for her to answer me. She said "Well, I was angry, but you shouldn't have left anyway."

I said that if she didn't want me to look at Voyeurweb I wouldn't. She said "Well, not for now, and if you are going to the you can do it with me there." She said we would talk more about it later... and maybe it would be ok, but she's not sure.

She said she forgave me, and asked me to forgive her for spazzing.

I said OK.

Everything now sits in a limbo.

We'll see when she gets home tonight.