difference

had a bit of a difference with Smitten last week

She has asked for space. Not from me, but space from my stbx. Space from my kids' issues. Space from the chaos.

To not discuss stbx or any effects she may have on me now. The turmoil surrounding the kids. The crap.

I was a little put out.

She told me when we started dating that she would tell me if it ever became too much.

She did.

She told me she didn't want to spend time together at my place. That it was no longer a place of comfort or refuge for her. That it was disquieting and jangled her.

This came after she asked me to spend more time with her. That she was finding our week on/week off situation to be hard for her on the week off (when we each have kids) - that she wanted to find a way to inject some more time together in that week as well.

I was pretty angry.

I have neglected my exercise to spend more time with her (and to be there for my kids when they needed me).

I have neglected my housekeeping. When we first started dating we didn't often get together until after we had eaten. She had other events and activities going on in her life - I had time to clean and do dishes. She recently made a comment to me that she didn't want to just come and watch me do dishes at my place - I gave up doing housework when she was around.

When I have the kids they eat up a huge portion of my time - just talking and guiding and helping them filter their lives.

I have a very demanding job that demands a lot of overtime right now.

My job standing has been damaged by my attention and involvement with my kids.

I am often too tired to clean-up or do dishes and things. I make most of my kids meals as well.

I am bugged that trying to attend to other people's emotional well being has resulted in my apartment looking like a war zone, my girlfriend not wanting to spend time in said apartment, and me feeling like being there for people just ends up with me getting the short end of the stick

of my neglecting myself suddenly becoming an issue

i'm bugged that the issues have come to the fore because i don't have enough time for myself and then she asks for a bigger piece of me

----

anyway

it's a little settled right now - it was a good weekend except for one bit

i understand the need to stop

i was exhibiting co-dependent style behaviour

stbx's antics caused the kids to get in a flap, the kids are already in a flap - and i just got sucked right into the swirl - didn't even really need to have contact with the stbx to have her reach out and touch me

i just ate it up

i started engaging fully in the bullshit. it was pretty much all i talked about - with smitten - my kids' stuff...

i recognised it myself and resented the intrusion of my kids onto MY life. that's part of the reason i didn't go apeshit to have them stay at my place. let them fucking learn how it all works out when they want to rely on their mother - saw how that worked out now, hey?

but i can imagine being around me was like being in an endless conversation with the stbx

if i could demand stbx let things go when we were still together (which she didn't)

if i could ask stbx to just stop talking about it

then i could let things go (never ask what you are unwilling to give)

just stop talking about it

for awhile

even if Smitten's request did stick in my craw more than a bit