weekend (18, 19, 20) part 2

i went home and showered after finishing at the gym and went to Smitten's place.

i had gotten tickets to a sex show - a trade show of sex stuff

there were seminars that looked interesting - and we had previously been to a few of the local sex shops and had been discussing lingerie, toys, and stuff for some time. i've bought lingerie but we hadn't moved past there much. we were researching other toys to see what might be a positive part of our sex life.

this show seemed like it would have all the stuff and many vendors in one place - as well as explanatory seminars that explained how this stuff is supposed to be used.

i have been reading always aroused girl for some time (years) and have been interested in her views and experiences as well. friends on VoyeurWeb and people in our blogging circle have also discussed their experiences.

and a couple of weeks ago i was teasing Smitten with a small hand vibrator i use for my neck and some pinpoint muscle work - and it got her going... and then some. she was surprised that it worked. she's generally a g-spot lady and hadn't experienced clitoral orgasms much.

so a show like this seemed timely

we went

we were intending to hit a seminar on glass toys to start with but got lost trying to find the seminar room and ended up near a stage where there was a demonstration of a bondage sheet and restraints - a kind of flannel sheet and velcro patches. it is supposed to be a "safe" bondage set-up because the person who is bound can always reach the velcro patches to free themselves - so it isn't "real" bondage. the demonstrator called for a volunteer and then was not especially gentle or considerate of the young woman who did the volunteering on a dare. he could have handled the whole thing much better. i didn't like the way it went - it unsettled me a lot. Smitten commented that someone who was into bondage wouldn't be that interested in the feelings of the submissive. i guess i'm not a dominator by nature...

[revision of above sentence to more accurately reflect Smitten's words and not my interpretive paraphrase - responding to AAG's comment on this post]
[i don't want to colour my views into what Smitten said and i guess i did make a blanket statement that wasn't fully accurate to the nuance of hers]
Smitten commented that he wasn't interested in her feelings. That what he was doing was all about him. That it was about him feeling powerful while doing the bondage demonstration.
[close revision]

the demonstration was a bit of a shocker for Smitten. it was in our first 5-6 minutes there and here was this twit being really pretty disrespectful to this poor volunteer.

it unsettled both of us and it took a little while to get past it. Smitten was also a little unsettled by all the naked women (porn queen style) on the packaging - again not a soothing or elegant context. especially when the show was marketed as "sophisticated" and "non-threatening". i'm not a porn-queen style guy either. my tastes are for real women. not fake hollywood or plastic body porn-queen style.

softness and roundness and real curves and real slopes. i still have a hard time getting Smitten to belive that i like "mature" breasts with their slope and shape and "sag" (her word - not mine) more than plastic surgery altered types.

anyway - we were pleased to see the prices were substantially less than in the local stores (which we thought were kind of overpriced when we visited them).

after a bit we found our way to the seminar room and sat through a sexologist (PHD) talking about long term relationships and sex. wandered a little more and attended a few more seminars. got pretty comfortable with things and enjoyed looking at what there was and asking: is this something i'm interested in? we might be interested in?

we bought some stuff. a couple of different vibrators - a mini-one and a larger one and some lubricant and stuff. we were both somewhat hesitant around the whole deal, but willing to experiment and just see if something appealed - were ready to toss or put aside that which did not work out.

well, that night it worked out pretty well - some pretty mind blowing orgasms all 'round

after some discussion of things we chose to go back to the show on Sunday and pick up a glass toy. I leapt in and it turned out to be some glass toys. 3 of them (more is better - remember the beer? only this involves sex - even better). Smitten had been intrigued by a discussion by one of the presenters about liking the smoothness of the glass - and the fact that they can be warmed.

the feel of the lubricant (tangerine flavour... not bad from my perspective) was quite appealing to Smitten and in combination with the smoothness of the glass was quite intense in its result when we tried things out.

Smitten was quite pleased with the differences in style shape and texture that i had chosen in addition to her choice.
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i am finishing writing the above and am starting to feel not 100% comfortable with writing it

don't know why

i'm relatively open about sexuality. i suspect it's the same reason i was in a bit of a panic for the first while at the show with Smitten. I have been beaten over the head for having sexual desire - being a man and all - and for being interested in exploration - the above would have been "perverted" in my marriage. It certainly was when i tried to broach the subject and purchased a vibrator one time while married.

i sit here and wonder why trying to ensure my partner has more pleasure and erotic stimulation and even more orgasms is potentially a bad thing...

there is a part of me that says: why discuss this on the blog?

i guess because it is new. i'm working my way through this just like other stuff. going to this show and being open about sexuality ended up with a number of positive results.

1) sex every day without erection difficulties (also a good argument for not discussing the kids or the stbx - because the first time i had trouble was thursday night after son's 8:36am phone call)
2) Smitten having even more multiple orgasms
3) Getting past the taboo and hesitance of discussing desire. and desire for given kinds of stimulation and sensation

a benefit for Smitten - she did not previously, um, engage in, um, autoerotic activity. tried it once in her life. didn't work for her. didn't try it again.

after the whole sort of orgasm and sex weekend she discovered she was still way turned on. In fact on monday she was finding the fog of desire to be too much. she actually left work early and went to try things out on her own. she asked me if the fog was what it was like to be a teenaged boy.

anyway - holy doodle - is the reported results

she also discovered (courtesy of a little hook shaped finger vibrator called "finger fun") that she can have clitoral orgasms.

the next night when we were together we spent a lot of time exploring her clitoris and its sensitivities together. which we hadn't done to that date - because she is a G-spot lady and that's where i put my focus. and now i have two special places to address with loving attention.

good for me - good for her - good for us

exploring new avenues and expressions of sexuality

so why am i writing this down?

getting it straight in my head.

it has had an impact on our relationship and has changed it - i think very much for the better

if i hadn't read some of AAG's writings, and read some of the stuff on voyeurweb, and Lara's discussions over the years, and SignGurl's discussion about attending one of those home parties, Smitten and I wouldn't have arrived here.

so i'm sharing. i hope it's not crossing any boundaries of propriety, but I don't think so. we are all adults. i believe we've all discussed that we like sex.

that's our experience