can it get worse? oh, yes it can...

maybe i'll write more, maybe not

i'm so shellshocked i'm in a stupor

----

as part of the review of the statutory rape stuff with daughter there is also a mandatory family and environment review with regard to the minor involved (daughter).

i'm not in any danger

once again, i'm the only sane human being involved in the whole process. so the "authorities" review the situation and conclude that the stbx is nuts, that my children are fucked, but there is nothing they can do because there is one sane person in the picture.

and bad parenting and being a wingnut freak is not something they can do anything about. they can't intervene when the stbx hits daughter, as long as it isn't very much...

they can't order her into counseling because she doesn't pose a "clear danger" to daughter

they can't even officially urge anyone to go to counseling

but they can lump all the case details together and dump it all on me and tell me i need to try to get everyone involved to go for counseling. and try to get them to not be so fucked.

i hate this

----

it looks like my idiot son managed to incriminate himself

one of the things that came out in all of this is that there was some sexual interplay between son and daughter in the summer of 2006 when they were on vacation with their mother

(why is it that all the crap seems to happen on her watch, hmmm?)

it was not intercourse and it appears to have been a one time event

but son was 14 and daughter was 10 at the time. so he may get charged.

probably not, but he might

i'm not paying for a defense lawyer if he does. he's 18 (in a week) he can go to legal aid. he would get charged as a minor because the event occurred as a minor.

even though daughter initiated it - self admittedly - he was old enough - there's no excuse.

----

i know that shit happens between brothers and sisters sometimes... it's in the fucking bible...

it was a one time event, i'm told

so, i can cope with the event

there is no indication that he was acting in a predatory manner

the police and children's justice have reached that conclusion as well

----

there has been a bunch of spill-over behaviours and other shit that now makes sense to me

including son's anger about something that he would never discuss

some of daughter's weird sexually expressive behaviour (hanging out in skimpy bra and panties) around son...

----

i am really unsure of how to process all of this

i guess the thing that really infuriates me is that son didn't think through the consequences of his actions when he went to the police

there are spillover consequences for a whole lot of people - this doesn't just affect him or her and spills out in a lot places to a lot of people

this is a small enough community - if word of all of this crap starts to leak out it is going to make life very uncomfortable for everyone - but especially for daughter who still has to go to school...

the rest of us can leave and hide and things

----

son is out of control

i had already packed most of his shit

i am packing the last of it

i've asked for my keys back and told him he is not welcome here. not because of what he did with his sister (i still don't have the full details on what went down) but because he is out of control and i don't trust him

he is disloyal;

self-centred;

hypocritical;

self-righteous (without any basis for that righteousness);

and is not a team player.

he is dangerous to have anywhere near me.

i don't want him around. all of this could have been dealt with in counseling and in a softer manner. the police have only some fairly blunt instruments to use - like criminal charges

----

he was pressured into reporting this by his cousins

got all worked up and told to be a hero

and then left dangling

without having thought everything through

i believe that the stbx and her sister (cousins' mother) manipulated this set of events. it fits their past actions and profile.

they just had no clue of anything beyond the statutory rape stuff with the older guy

----

the police/children's justice would have had to be involved at some level because the counselors would have been legally bound to report it - and so they should - but if it was already in intensive counseling things would have gone a different way...

----

i cut off his phone and cut off his gym membership. i will still have to pay them out - $250 to buy out the cell phone contract. another year on the gym at $50 per month - but i can extract some of that value in extra training and benefits for me

daughter still isn't going to exercise

so that's another wasted $50 a month for her membership too

----

no good deed goes unpunished

----

either i have some serious karmic shit happening to me from a past life...

or, i don't know what

----

how does this happen?

really

i'm a nice guy

a really nice guy

how does this happen?

i try to be good and accommodating and nice

and what?

----

Smitten says that no-one who gets involved with a person with borderline personality disorder gets out unscathed

----

my lesson

the one i have really learned

don't accommodate anyone or anything

my way or the highway

in any situation now, if something strikes me as wrong or not the way i want it i am pushing back

it's a new behaviour

but the whole good christian/socialist/nicey nice thing has just seen people run over me and use me

i've decided that until someone proves themselves to be a thinking human being that conforms to my notions of loyalty and thinking ability...

that i am going to treat them in exactly the manner i would treat a dog

i like dogs

i like dogs a lot

but they are not people

they have their own sense of the universe and most of that sense has to do with who is up and who is down

if one dog allows another dog to steal its food the other dog will

they have a highly defined power hierarchy

and the big dog snarls and kicks the shit out of the others

----

you see

there are no points and little respect for being nice

people will treat you the way that you allow them to treat you

and if they think they can push or shove or finagle their own way

they will

without regard for what happens to you

without regard for you

and if you are always generous and accommodating - they will perceive it as weakness

and treat you as weak

and treat you without respect

----

no more