stuff

they are going to charge the two guys that daughter got together with (on separate occasions...). they are waiting until a more senior detective gets back to do some more stuff on the case.

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2 sessions of the eating disorder group so far

had an epiphany

the leaders asked us to do some free-association with words - pumpkin pie, broccoli, raw oysters, turkey and so on. my word - really, this is true - the word that popped up with every food except for raw oysters (sex) was "mom"

the group leader (my co-worker) said - alright then - i think this shows some continuity, [cadbury]

they did an exercise where we were supposed to identify triggers for eating. examples were things like watching a movie, thanksgiving, celebration and such, bad day, "deserve a treat". none of the triggers that the others identified did anything for me. the rest of the group is women. all the triggers worked for them. not for me.

so i thought "when do i binge?"

when i am hungry AND after having to remain in control and even keeled for an extended duration. when i'm weak and frustrated.

then there was an exercise about how food is used. for example to soothe a child.

the leader asked "what elese could we do for that child?". someone said "hold them", "give them a hug"

all of a sudden out of my mouth pops the sarcastic and loudly stated:

"I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'D DO ANYTHING. WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST SAY "SUCK IT UP", GET OVER IT. GET YOUR HEAD SCREWED ON STRAIGHT. STOP SNIVELLEING. WHY AREN'T YOU DOING SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT? LIKE BUILDING A STRUCTURE OR A MULTI-STORY BUILDING OR SOMETHING? wouldn't that be more effective?"

(i don't believe any of the above and have never practiced it)

the lady sitting next to me says "i agree with him. just tell them to suck it up"

i said "uh, that's not my opinion - it's my dad's"

and then it all started to come together

and i realised

control
discipline
duty
order
responsibility
don't cry
don't shirk
what is the use of play when there's work to be done?

Dad

food
love

Mom