Friday, March 09, 2007

Interlude - thoughts on daughter's call

I started thinking afterwards. I already told daughter about all of this. She and I discussed my new house just last week. I already outlined the structure of the settlement to my kids verbally, just like to stbx-Mrs_C. I had already told them I wasn't going back - ever.

I realised that daughter is 11, and doesn't have a complete graps on the universe. That she was probably just reacting to things her mother had had just said to her, while forgetting about everything else she knew. stbx-Mrs_C is a master at upsetting others when she is upset, and how hard is it to work up and twist around the girl at age 11?

stbx-Mrs_C is also an emotion junky. She needs any kind of emotional response from someone for whatever reason she needs it. The easiest thing to get is upset and negative emotion - and since she has a this negative shit swirling inside of her all the time, it is natural to come out. so she gets daughter going. allows stbx-Mrs_C to play the victim one more time, gives her the ability to say "feel sorry for me [daughter]" and to have daughter comfort her.

Son says that stbx-Mrs_C has been setting up daughter with false hope - he now believes (after daughter's reaction) for the express purpose of having daughter upset when i laid the papers down (he didn't say anything before because we have a kind of agreement that we don't talk about the situation too much (for our own sanity) and that it is better to just keep the two house/worlds separate. That way he isn't "tattling" all the time). son says it would fit perfectly into his mother's modus operendi to set daughter up to hate me.

all things will be as they will be

once again, i have to remind myself that this is about the long term outcome, not the day to day.

3 comments:

terry said...

i wonder if there's a way you can try to assure your daughter that this isn't about her... that it's between you and her mother... and that you will not be discussing these adult issues with her. she's simply too young for that.

and remind her that you love her and always will. even when she beats you up like this.

Big Pissy said...

Terry gave you good advice.

I think I've told you before that Sweet Man's son went one year without talking to him or coming for his weekend visits. This happened when son was around 11 or 12. The ex-wife used son as an emotional sounding board and of course he took the ex's side b/c that was who he lived with and saw crying, etc all the time.

Sweet Man's daughter is a couple of years older than son and never stopped visiting, etc.

We go through it eventually.

You will as well.

I just hope stb ex Mrs. C doesn't damage your daughter too much in the mean time.

Brandi said...

I totally agree with Terry.
You reassure her that you love her no matter what and that you will always be there for her when she needs you, but this is between you and your stbx wife and it's nothing that she (daughter) did wrong. I wouldn't go into or explain any other adult issues with her on the matter. JMO! :)