pounds

i gained weight. i'm up to 224 lbs again, or maybe a couple less because of when i weighed myself, but that's still a minimum of 15 lbs up.

i'm pretty upset.

it hit home the worst when the other night i was hugging Smitten goodbye and she patted my abdomen and said "oh no, you've got the curse"

the curse that she is referring to is that all of the men she has been in relationships with have gained weight.

i was crushed. i was really hurt. i spoke to her about it the next day and told her how it made me feel. she apologised profusely and said that it was something that popped out, and she realised as she said it that it was probably not a good thing to have said.

i'm a little non-plussed. the reasons i am gaining weight:

1) skipping exercise - a) ditching it to spend time with Smitten; b) ditching it because of child obligations and helping son/daughter; c) i injured/strained my shoulder for about a month at a time twice in the last 5 months and was only going to exercise about half my normal occasions while i was in severe pain;

2) not eating as healthily (eg meals with Mom and Dad), not spending as much time as i should pre-preparing my low cal food (c.f. spending time with Smitten and kids), being more slack about what i am prepared to eat;

3) alcohol consumption

A couple of beer in a week: 300 calories; a couple of glasses of wine: 600 calories; a couples of brandies or scotches: 400 calories

3.5 oz of beef: 280; 1 lean pork/beef sausage: 220; 1 bun/slice of bread: 220; 1 oz skim mozzarella cheese: 72

adds up pretty easily. every skipped session of exercise is over 1000 calories not burned... and so on

"Once we know your metabolic rate we can calculate more accurately your daily calorie use.Knowing the daily use, simply subtract 400-500 calories per day in intake. After seven days, you've cut 3500 calories out of your diet. If there are 3500 calories per pound of fat, you've just lost almost a pound of fat. (Assuming you were exercising while dieting.)

A couple things on this, first it's important that you not cut your daily intake by more than 500 calories. Any drop below this will trigger your body to store more fat as a defense against starvation. I know, you're not really starving, but your body doesn't have a conscious mind that reasons that way" - personaltrainingfitness.com

that means that in the weeks that i only went to exercise once a week, i gained 1 lb over a two week period... it means that 4 drinks, and 2 sausages in buns later i'm at 2/3 of a lb... add being careless with a little salad dressing (even moderate ones at roughly 60 calories per Tbsp, or even 30 calories) - eating salad 2 meals a day add up to the rest of that lb in a week

i'm imposing some personal discipline on myself to make sure i exercise every session i should (3 times a week for 1.5-2 hours). if Smitten whines about the time i'm spending at exercise i will remind her about patting my abdomen. she can't have it both ways.

i understand that it is my choice, and has been my own choices that got me here, but i want to make the people in my life happy and a priority. sometimes that has meant putting myself on the back burner.

i need to make myself and my continuing transformation a high personal priority

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i was a little freaked about the incident - it flagged one too many stbx-Mrs_C moments when she would criticise me about gaining weight, but would make it abundantly clear she wanted me to spend every waking moment with her.

Smitten doesn't get put out like the stbx, but still makes it clear she'd like me to be around as much as possible. i just need to establish a boundary.

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i picked up that used exercise machine i wrote about a little while back.

even if it it is a home machine and isn't as sturdy as the one at the gym, and even if it doesn't have the "elevation/hill climbing" setting (makes it a lot like a stair climber), and even if it isn't quite the right width (or rather the one i'm used to), i think i can learn to use this machine OK.

i figure if i can use it at least 3 days a week of the remaining 4 days i'm not at the gym, and work off 100 to 200 calories per use (approx 100 calories per 10 minutes at my settings) i can make a significant impact on my weight.

my original idea was to use it for 30 minutes in the morning and at night, but i tried 20 minutes morning and 10 minutes night on Sunday and it hit me pretty hard. i was quite fatigued.

i think this new regime will have to be grown into...

oh, and the other part that irritates me?

gas

switching back hardcore to the fully fucking vegetable laden diet has really given me bad gas in the last week. i need to investigate beano or some such