i'm finishing an assignment for class tonight, so i can't post many details
the working through is a lot of introspective stuff
spent the whole weekend talking to Smitten
i discussed with her and we explored more of my personal history and how it relates to how i am handling things now
as i detail my life i realise just how abusive it has been
i don't want to sound whiny as i say it, but as i have gone back over things it becomes more and more apparent how abusive my environment has been since childhood (eg - my brother's lifelong physical and mental abuse, getting beat up in school for my dad's politics, the local priest telling the kids in my [catholic] school to beat me up because of my family's politics, my parents' lack of intervention, their highly demanding posture, blah, blah, blah)
i won't blame the past, but i will understand how it has and is affecting and conditioned (as in: brainwashed) me - and i will take steps to change me world view and some of my behaviours
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daughter is talking about moving back with her mom half time
i am trying to do everything i can to stop that from happening
i am fearful she will end up harming herself severely or killing herself if she goes back into that mess
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more later
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2 comments:
I'm SO glad you have Smitten in your life.
{{{hugs}}}
Oh Cad, Once again I know what you're saying. Abusive treatment certainly does mold a person. And on the other side, those who abuse others never stop. They don't change. Their behavior has such an effect on others and the decisions we make.
The toughest part about being the abused is the frustration you feel when no one believes you, when the courts won't believe you. When you a forced to stand by and watch it happen to your kids.
Be strong for your daughter. You must be doing a great job is she wants to move back with mom, that meaning that you have rules, guildlines, set limits on what is acceptable behavior, all the parental traits that young people want to rebel against.
My 14 year old daughter is one of them.
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