Mrs_c was supposed to be here for Christmas. We had discussed it. She had discussed it with my parents. She had discussed it with others in my family.
They made plans to come here for Christmas so that they could see my kids. Flights all booked. My parents put off snowbirding to the States for 6 weeks.
Then about 2 weeks ago Mrs_c announces she's going to another city with the kids for Christmas to see her family and her family that is here would be going with her.
She had previously said she couldn't afford to go. Now she's renting a vehicle for the trip (8 hours by car) and has a wide variety of enticing activities for the kids to do while they are there. The kids want to go on the trip because they want to do all the cool things.
If she had announced all of this earlier or made the plans earlier we could have altered our family plans (my side). But no.
Mrs_c says it's fair because last Christmas we went to the States to see my parents (except we cut the time short in order to make it back to see some of her family that had travelled in to our city... but that doesn't apply here).
It's supposed to be my week with the kids with shared time on the specific holiday days. I was going away in the week after Christmas. Neither the kids or their mother knew of my plans.
Now everything on my side is shot to shit. My family does not get to see my kids at Christmas because their mother is expertly yanking them exactly in the period my sister will be here, and not returning until after my parents leave for 3 months.
I offered to split the week and fly them home, but the kids don't want to travel on boxing day and any other day in there will cost about $600 one way...
Now that the kids have said they want to go it is appearing (from what they tell me) that some of the fun activities have moved from "for sure" and "promise", to "we'll try to do this" and "one of the things we could do".
I have told them that they should ask for a formal commitment on the specific things they want to do. Then they will be able to decide what they want to do.
I just figure on my end, I'm going to roll with it. If I get all worked up it won't do anything. I suspect it is just one of many occasions when this sort of thing will happen over the next number of years until the kids are fully responsible for their own arrangements and decisions.
“All I want is for the baby to be healthy!”
8 months ago
6 comments:
kristin:
if they are hurt by failed delivery of promises from their mom - they need to learn. or if she actually delivers it will be a better time than hanging here for a regular family Christmas. they've been promised skiing, mountain gondola rides, etc.
it will kill me (literally) to get all worked up again over Mrs_C's antics. i have to look to the long haul.
if 10 hours in the car with Mom and Grandma doesn't provide its own education - nothing will
we'll see
i am attempting serenity
look - see - i am the serene one...
it's all you can do, cad. and it's the best thing for the kids, i think. they don't need to see you wigging out.
still, it's hard.
*sigh*
...and so it begins.....
get used to it, Cad.
It's gonna be years of this kind of shit. :(
"I have told them that they should ask for a formal commitment on the specific things they want to do. Then they will be able to decide what they want to do."
Um, No.
Children don't get to ask their parents for formal commitments, Cad. Someday, that glass slipper can be on your foot, so you surely don't want to set that precedent. Fact of the matter is, this particular match was won by her. She knew your plans in advance. She played you, hard. Suck it up, son, because you are going to be dealing with this kind of animosity for a LONG LONG time. And, as for the kids? You have to let them make the choice. Maybe your son wants to stay home and your daughter doesn't? They don't have to be together, you know. My daughter always preferred to spend Christmas in New York while my son always opted to stay here in Florida with me. They are not a unit. Talk with both kids individually. Don't display anger or disappointment. Encourage their decisions. Yes, it sucks for your parents that they won't get to see their grandchildren. And, if this is your weekend with them, you can certainly slug this one out with the lawyers prior to Christmas. However, the best thing to do is let your children make up their own minds. If they end up disappointed, they will remember that next year...and the kids will be with you for every christmas thereafter! *L*
Doesn't THAT sound promising?
CP.
You have made the right decision, Cad. If you chose to make a big deal out of it, she would have won.
Mr. C. . . . I agree with Pissy. . . get used to it. She is trying to yank your chain. Better to roll with it and let your kids see it was a ploy to not allow them time with you. They are not stupid. . . they will figure it out.
Enjoy your time and don't let her get to you.
Ciao
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