Went out last night. Went to a Christmas Concert/Fundraiser - drinks and entertainment - at a concert hall. Smitten got some free tickets for the two of us. She then got two more late yesterday afternoon and asked if I had any friends that would like to go on short notice.
I called and a couple that are my friends were available (I have known then since I was in my late teens. They were not a couple when we met, but we were all part of the same organisation).
I was so tickled. I was happy that Smitten had found a nice dress-up event to go to. I was really excited to be going out with some friends.
A good time was had by all. Smitten and the lady got along fabulously. We made concrete plans to get together again soon.
I realised that in 16 years of marriage we had not gone out with another couple that was not Mrs_C's family - not even once. There were a few instances where there was a third couple when we went out with her family.
We went to a couple of work related functions and met co-workers (hers and mine) as part of those functions. But for a pure social evening out, this was it.
As I look back I realise that we did while we were dating, but once married, that stopped.
I went to functions/events alone, but not us as a couple. She would either refuse to go, or agree then spaz right before we went out and pull out of going. It would always be awkward for me to arrive at a couples events solo...
Eventually my social life dried up and there was only family and work functions left.
We went to one couple's house a once or twice a year. Christmas party, sometimes New Year's and sometimes a barbeque.
We had people over a few times, but those events were made so bad by Mrs_C spazzing about whatever (which she even did when her family was coming over) and the pain and suffering that I avoided that after awhile.
I was so excited to go out last night I was just bursting. I could barely contain myself. I actually phoned my Mom to tell her - I had to tell someone!
I knew that I was starved socially - but this really brought it home.
Smitten and I are hosting a Christmas party for some selected friends this month. I am sooooo looking forward to it. It was Smitten's idea.
She is so completely swell!
Is this what normal people's lives are like?
“All I want is for the baby to be healthy!”
1 year ago
7 comments:
interesting, because my social life also vanished while i was in my joke of a marriage.
i wonder if that's a common trait in bad marriages...
enjoy, cad.
Who decides what's normal? If the majority of people live addicted/codependent lives, does that mean its normal?
But I know what you mean. I was the same way with my marraige--no real contact with my friends socially. And when we did have contact with them, she let me know that she wasn't enjoying herself.
But we went to all of her friends houses for parties, where she would drink adn smoke, and I would watch the kids.
And I considered that normal.
Glad you're getting out and having a good time!
yeharr
I'm slightly scared since I am a little like Mrs. C in that I really don't enjoy people coming to my house. For me it's more the anxiety beforehand about whether or not I have cleaned enough or whether the food will be good. Once everyone is there, I'm able to relax and have fun.
You never went out with other couples? That would be tough. It always seems to help afirm a relationship when you see another couple and how they handle things together.
Your transformation in the last 6 months is truly incredible!
Yep, my social life begins when HG is on night shift. I visit friends and go out to dinner.
Sad isn't it?
Glad you are having a great time!
:)
You are due!
It's so nice to hear that you're happy.
You deserve it! :)
thank-you everyone for your wishes and thoughts
terry: that's an interesting point about a correlate between social life and quality of relationship
Balloon Pirate: it was sort of the same deal with us. we would go to her family's places and she would drink and get drunk and i would stay sober, watch the kids, and drive home. and then be accused of being a stick in the mud who didn't want to have any fun.
SignGurl: i understand the anxiety about having people over. and i know that it has to do with how critical and nasty her family is (more thoughts on this in a post later). but my thinking is: if your family is mean to you, why spend all your time with them? i could have lived with the lack of entertaining at home if there had been any sort of other outlet.
hippi: i'm sad for you and your situation with your HG. i hope that you are finding a level of fulfillment elsewhere. thank-you for your wishes
Big Pissy: i've never understood your online name. you are always nice. thank-you.
Stop comparing. Stop.
Just live this one out.
CP.
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