express yourself

i...

expressed

myself

last night

to my kids about their choices surrounding christmas, their disregard for the fact that my parents stayed here for two extra months in the cold just to be with them for christmas (my Mom has a cold exacerbated illness), that my sister was going to go be warm for christmas too - but chose to come here instead

and daughter's continuing choices about ditching me on weekends, and still asking me to play taxi and be there for her when she wants to go places

and daughter asking me for $40 to buy Christmas presents for stbx-Mrs_C's family at the point that they are getting ready to leave on their ski vacation with their Mom - and why wouldn't she ask her Mom for that cash? and why should i subsidize gifts for people that character assassinate me privately and publicly (including mutual professional settings)?

and son not living up to his written and signed agreements on household chores and schoolwork

that they wouldn't interupt their ski vacation fun to come back even a couple of days early to see my parents and family (i offered to fly them home [steep discount]) - until the trip itinerary got altered (by stbx-Mrs_C) and had them doing something not so exciting on the last few days - then they asked about getting flown home - after the seat sales were gone

and the fact that i was irritated by the bidding war that seemed to be arising for their affection

and that i wouldn't be participating in that bidding war. that they could take me or leave me just the way i am

and when challenged on raising my voice and being upset

i asked them if only their emotions counted - and if mine were invalid - or i wasn't allowed to have them

and that it was pretty easy to ditch dad 'cause he's the one that never gets upset - so it's easy to ignore me because i'll just suck it up - and they can always come back and i'll be there for them

and that they take that and me for granted

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i gave daughter the $40. she asked for money - that is my choice - give the money or not

so i did

it would be improper to try to extend a set of rules about how she can spend money that is freely given. to attempt to control her.

i still have feelings about the issue - and expressed them - but in the end, the choice is about whether to give her the money she wants for something that she feels is important to her - no matter what the problems i may have with her aunts/etc are - daughter's relationship is fine - and if she wants to do something, then my only choice is whether to support it or not - not to control it

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found out last night that stbx-Mrs_C had been telling the kids that she was buying all their new clothes on her exclusive dime - even though i have been shelling out half the cost

so the kids thought she had dropped about $800 in the last couple of months on clothes when i have been ponying up

fascinating

BTW - i have put stbx-Mrs_C on notice that she has to rein in spending on clothes for the kids because i just can't cough up every time she decides an outfit is cute - we either get a spending pre-approval system in place or she proposes a budgetted amount because this isn't working for me

i recognise that kids outgrow stuff, but when i challenged on what items were outgrown there were only a few that were able to be produced

most of these clothes came from those weekend shopping expiditions daughter would ditch me for

if stbx-Mrs_C wants to buy off the kids she'll need to do it on her own dime.