i call [Son] this morning at 8:02 to tell him i'm leaving to drive him to school [blog note: he's at stbx-Mrs_C's this week], and he's asking me
"do you have any chili or anything to eat over there? all there is here is some roast beef that mom made and it really sucks. i don't know why. and i don't want to eat it. how do you go wrong on roast?"
so i pulled out a frozen quiche, nuked it a bit (enough to be able to cut it), and brought some of that for him along with a cut up apple (fresh fruit/food is not one of stbx-Mrs_C's strong points. she buys what she thinks everyone will eat (actually she buys what her mom bought) and then it sits on the counter because they don't like those kinds of apples and such - and they don't like to eat bananas every day... - and except for salad makings there's not much fresh vegetables)
Smitten: "hmm... that must have really bothered you."
it was more of a hassle than anything this morning
my children shouldn't eat like that. it's not good for them. she needs to make sure there is better variety.
i hope that food will be one of the things that will attract them to stay with me.
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but it also just grates on me. she can cook better than that - why the fuck can't she make decent food for them.
i have this idea that the only reason she cooked tolerably for the last 19 years is for my benefit and to "keep up with the [Cadbury(ies)]"
this is exactly the sort of thing she did before we were married. she would buy some frozen or canned shit and eat that and then bitch about how it sucked. that's one of the reasons i went to all the trouble to make her food to take with her to [her out of town job location at the time] (which she would then savage me for taking so much time to cook instead of spending the last minutes/hours paying attention to her before she left [which i had done for days before - every minute possible])
----
hmm
i had no idea i was so pissed off until i started writing this reply
the issue was just sitting there as a little irksome, localised to this morning's request from [Son], until the nasty gastric belch above...
Smitten's reply:
"Your ideas about her cooking behaviour do not surprise me. Especially as she needs to prove her self with everything she does.
But when a person is
A) stripped away of their supports
B) becomes too comfortable
their abilities (or inabilities) begin to show through.
The true her is emerging.
And it is not nice.
-----------------------------
On the other hand, your true self is emerging as well - and it is good."
we'll see
4 comments:
Ok..I VOWED I would never do this again but I have to. Yes, I still pop on over here occasionally (obviously) and have NOT commented on anything.....until now. This post just well, freaked me out.
First of all...you need to stop worrying so much about what your wife does with her kids when she has them. They are being fed and are taken care of. She is not going to do things like you do them...so stop wishing that is so. You left!!!...She can make a pot roast, or anything else she wants...HOW she wants to. SHE is the MOM!! They need to learn to appreciate her a little more and quit running to daddy every time mommy does something they don't like! They should have eaten that pot roast and you should have told them to! Maybe she is tired of catering to their picky asses! Maybe she is not the world's greatest cook...who cares? You don't live with her anymore!! You cook how YOU want when YOU have them and let her cook how SHE wants when SHE has them! You really don't see how they are playing you 2 do you? You need to quit expecting perfection from her and from your kids and everyone else in your life. I am sure you were no picnic to live with either!
Secondly.....smitten is your GF not your therapist. Do you NOT think it's unfair to BOTH of those women to continue to banter back and forth about one to the other. Or as is mostly the case, about your wife to your gf?? Smitten should NOT be adding fuel to the fire. My opinion, for what it's worth, (hahahah) is that you tell smitten all of this stuff because you KNOW what she will say, how she will react...and THAT "validates" you and that "validates" all of the decisions you have made....and THAT is, in essence, is what you are seeking!!!
chelle: i have no intention of stopping worrying about my kids at any time. i am consistently thinking about my children and their well-being. every day. from their mood to there food, from their clothes to their fun. it's what i do. it's part of who i am.
are my kids being fed? are they being fed properly? there is a thing called a food guide that describes a balanced diet. when the diet my kids receive at their Mother's place does not even roughly conform to the food guide - i get to be concerned. take a look at any discussion of diet and you will see nutritionists everywhere talking about the dangers of too much prepared foods.
as for the kids and your suggestion "They need to learn to appreciate her a little more"
perhaps you are projecting from your own experience.
as for your comment "Maybe she is tired of catering to their picky asses!"
my response is back off from my kids
you don't get to make comments that describe them as "picky" because you don't know shit about my kids. if you think my kids are picky, maybe you haven't read the post about pickled octopus.
and,
on the discussion of events in my life with Smitten, do you think it is reasonable that i should firewall the major event in my life from Smitten? do you think that it is a reasonable suggestion that i would be able to not discuss how the breakdown of my marriage and my new experience with separation and soon divorce affects me? that she should be left in the dark about what is affecting my mood and my daily experience?
finally,
i think you are irritated with your own husband and kids and are filtering my comments with the lens of your relationship with him
don't
i'm not your husband, and stbx-Mrs_C is not you - and you don't have to win a proxy battle for your own soul and your own experience by defending her
Isn't it interesting how little things that we think we just shrug off actually bury themselves down deep and bring out a whooole bunch of stuff when we examine them more closely?
You did some good work there.
Keep it up. I'm pulling for ya!
yeharr
Aw Cad, it's sweet that you fed your son, but I caution you. As a child of divorced parents, I know first hand how I worked both of my parents to get what I wanted. Kids are aware of this game way before the parents are.
I'm not saying your son was working you, I just wanted to make you aware of the posibility of it.
My mother is a terrible cook, and I survived. So will your children, lol. They just know that Dad will give them the good stuff. You are right, this will be to your advantage with them.
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