death of a dream

i have allowed a dream to die
(mostly - as they say - a week is a long time)

you all know the business i am in. i am currently staff. i was intending to move into the "client group". i had the opportunity, the motivation and the path. i could have fought the good fight for what i believe.

however, as staff, as an adviser, it is my job to make cold hard assessments. to do what needs to be done.

my boss put it best when he left, he said "This is a harsh profession and a hard business."

i cannot move into the client group. i have an ex-wife who has already told my children, and god knows who else, that i maritally raped her (which i did not). that goes public at the wrong time... and it's not just me, my kids, or her that are affected. it's a whole lot of people.

i'm vulnerable enough even where i am, though slightly insulated.

my dream has to die.

i have been raised since birth, and have lived my life, to carry the sword. to champion my belief in a better world. an almost religious calling. my father and his father before him. my mother, and her parents. we all work for a better world. a more decent and humane world.

a lifetime.

i will be in my mid-forties by the next opportunity, and there are plenty of young 'uns in the waiting. i will no longer represent the new

letting go