rape?

stbx-Mrs_C told my children that i raped her twice during our marriage.

my son told me last night that she had said this a couple of weeks ago.

fuck

i did no such thing. i phoned her this morning to confront her on the issue. she asserted it to be true. i asked her when these incidents took place. she said one was about 2 years ago and wouldn't say when the other allegedly took place. when i pressed her for an approximate date she kept deflecting by repeating that it occured and that it was forcible.

because she couldn't give any real timeline, i asked her for what else was happening in our lives at that time to help me get an idea about when she says it happened. she refused to go there - she wouldn't tell me any information about the date.

after i pushed for more details she that i had held her down and had intercourse with her. she said "well, you didn't hit me, or threaten me, or hold a knife to my throat, or anything like that. but it was still unwilling, so that makes it rape."

i asked her if she had said no during her incident. i asked her if i had ever not stopped my advances when she said something - anything - to me during our entire marriage.

she said "it was still unwilling, so that makes it rape"

i told her that i was furious. that her allegation was bullshit, and that it was really sad that she couldn't even make up a date or a complete story to go with her lies. that i had no interest in ever sharing the same space or air with her again.

she said something about it being part of a conversation with our son where he kept "pushing me and pushing me" and that finally she was so overcome by emotion that she blurted it out, and that she regretted having told the kids.

i said that she needed help in controlling her emotions and her problems, and that she was being a lousy parent by fabricating stories like that.

she gave me some further shit about still loving me and always will, and on and on...

i said i wouldn't discuss the issue anymore and addressed two outstanding issues related to the separation and then left the conversation.

----

neither child thought it was worth even mentioning it to me because it was so patently absurd to them. it wandered out in conversation with son last night.

when i asked son about it, he said both he and daughter thought it was stupid and mostly just ignored it after the initial moment

son told me that he and daughter challenged stbx-Mrs_C immediately - that they asked her if she had ever gone to the police, or even told anyone else about this.

she told them no.

now i think their view of marital rape and such circumstances is limited by the more black and white moral world they live in, so their question is unfair in that respect. marital rape is rarely reported, and especially if it were as mild as the incident stbx-Mrs_C is purporting occurred.

but the fact is, this is the first time she has ever said anything about this one. she just seems to make shit up and sees which sticks, or gets sympathy.

she has been going back to the me having an affair thing again with the kids. she has suggested that i had an affair with the lesbian who worked in our office (and her lesbian partner) in our supply closet/computer storage room at work. they have both seen the computer storage room, and there isn't enough room for 3 people to move around in that room, much less the rather obvious issues of two activist lesbians wanting to have sex with me in a weird office threesome.

apparently i had an affair on a 5 day business trip to the pacific rim.

and i had a series of affairs while we were married.

and i have had an affair with Smitten for years.

the kids have asked for her to construct a scenario where it would actually work for me to have been out of sight long enough to have had any of those...

they have adopted all the questions i have asked to poke holes in this ludicrous set of assertions. she has never provided a believable scenario for any except the business trip - and even then, only because i had a room to myself for several days far away.

they are growing increasingly skeptical, and argumentative with their mother about her outlandish assertions and attacks.

i'm sad.

i actually want them to have a decent relationship with her.

but i refuse to rein them in when they call "bullshit". just because she is their mother, doesn't mean they have to believe her. it doesn't mean they have to accept her crap when it is crap. i support their mom when she is taking appropriate parenting steps, but on this - no way.