signed petition for divorce

went to the lawyer yesterday. 2:30 appointment to "sign a few papers". read the documents for an hour. cooled my heels for another half hour...

i overheard that they had a crisis with another case and had to file by 4pm that afternoon and didn't have all the affidavits that would be necessary.

had just decided to walk out when she came in. she apologised. i ignored her apology and addressed the papers. i have no interest in getting pissy with my lawyer, especially when i was as emotionally charged as i was.

i just didn't have it in me to fight with my lawyer too.

went through the papers. made some changes on details. altered the part that said we were calling for child support from the statutory tick box to "other" and specified shared cost there instead

same effect, but made the change because stbx-Mrs_C's reaction would have been to immediately show it to daughter and tell her i was suing for support payments

the statutory tick box had a clarifying explanation later in the document saying it was shared cost, but i know the stbx and how she will willfully misconstrue anything i say... daughter doesn't need that one exploding near her.

i specified that i wanted a clause in the custody agreement that daughter was not ever to be alone with uncle molester or allowed to be even in uncle molester's house even with others present. we'll see what the stbx thinks of that. she'll either interpret it as just an attack, or she'll agree to it in a second in order to keep herself from ever being forced by her mother to go to uncle molester's house.

i have been contemplating since i made the request as to whether i should ask for a total ban on contact between my kids and uncle molester.

the only sticky part is that i allowed limited contact at family gatherings in the past. the rationale i developed with my lawyer for the change in position is that i will no longer be present to ensure their safety.

i discussed the marital rape accusation with my lawyer. she was really mad. she said that sort of thing made it very hard for women who come forward with real rape complaints.

she told me that if the stbx ever pursued it that the police and the prosecution's office would take a very dim view of the accusation. that they would ask why it only came to light after separation, and after a petition for divorce had been filed. they would ask if there was any record of it at the time, and if there was any evidence of violence - that not wanting to have sex and grudgingly agreeing or allowing it to occur against personal wishes in a marriage was different than rape - a violent crime. were there any pictures of bruises, doctor's reports, or even discussions with a counselor or anything?

that the police and prosecutions had dealt with plenty of spiteful or vindictive accusations after separations and divorce and would be aggressively skeptical if the facts were as i presented them to my lawyer.

i had some tears and almost cried as i discussed some of this with her. it's a little different to talk to friends about things than in this sort of formal setting.

i am overwhelmingly hurt by the accusation of rape.

i feel a tremendous sense of failure for not having been able to make my marriage work. i realised that as i discussed the uncle molester situation and some of the abuse context of the stbx's family. as i discussed my efforts to try to help all three daughter's through their trauma and to face their mother and confront their uncle over what had been done - and over what their parents had failed to protect them from - i realised that i am very sad that the healing and progress stopped.

it has damaged so many lives.

Son - we were discussing some of his mother's erratic behaviours once, how her behaviours drove me out and are damaging his relationship with his mother, discussing some of her over the edge worries about son molesting daughter, and discussing how some of those behaviours were a direct result of uncle molester - when son said to me "I'd just like to go punch out [uncle molester] for ruining my life."

i am glad that the rape thing will likely be off the table from a formal or actionable sense. with the conflict likely coming this fall, that is last thing that we would need to hit the media - me accused of rape. both the media/public perception hit and the loss to the team (as THE key opposition research guy).

some key members of the media have been friends of mine for over 20 years. we talk about our personal lives, and they have been concerned about my health. in fact most of the local press are on friendly terms with me and have been highly supportive on a personal level of my battle with fibromyalgia and my weight. they have been decent and supportive through my divorce

i have even talked to one of them "the dean" of the local press - the one i've known longest - about the accusation. it flowed in our discussion of my divorce and i figured some inoculation would be good.

the lawyer said that the fact that stbx-Mrs_C was making some of the wild assed accusations and statements she is in front of or to the kids would not fly well in front of a judge if things degenerate

blah, blah, blah

this post wandered a fair way away from my initial idea of an advisory piece just telling you i'd filed the papers...