Hoping she has a nice trip, and all that...

So I was talking to the stbx yesterday. I had called her to read out the letter of travel permission that I need to have to take my kids across the border into the US.

I had put her contact numbers into the letter in case the border folks wanted to call her. She advised me that she was going to be out of town. I corrected her and said "I thought you weren't leaving until Saturday, we'll be crossing the border on Friday." I knew this already - she hadn't bothered to let me know, but the kids had told me.

She's going to Hawaii for 2 weeks with Boyfriend Bob, her sister and the brother-in-law (he of dogs, hunting, rye whisky, guns, and trucks).

She then asked me to watch out for the kids next week (her week) while she was away - first time she ever even mentioned it to me. 3 days from leaving.

how's that for responsible joint parenting?

asshat

anyway, i said i would keep an eye on them - they want a week of freedom. Son is 16, and the other guy (son's friend [18 years old] who is still living there - see this post, and this post for a couple of quick back references) would be adequate supervisors for a week, and I would be a moment away (3 blocks). the stbx gave me some shit about not wanting them to stay at the house and preferring they be with me... (if it was an issue why wouldn't she have called?)

anyway - her blah, blah

i listen and then say "By the way - I want you know that I really hope you have a good trip. I hope it's a really good time. I hope you really enjoy it."

She gave me some fuzzy response about having some new priorities in life and new horizons and looking at the world in a different way. That she was going to walk on beaches and volcanoes and sit under palm trees.

I went out to a birthday dinner for Smitten's niece (36) and to my friend's art show opening.

When I got back to my place the kids told me that their Mom had told them I only said that I hoped she would have a good trip to hurt her, and that telling her to have a good trip was hurtful because i had ruined her life...

The kids told her she was full of shit and had a tangle with her.

One of her points, one more time, is that i had an affair before we split.

They said it was otherwise mostly incoherent.

They were pretty rattled by the whole experience. I guess she bounced around every mood and accusation about all three of us that you can imagine. lovey huggy one moment, yelling the next.. She was apparently quite wild-eyed.

They said the reason she spazzed out was because their mom didn't actually want to go to Hawaii and was upset and had been trying to get out of it for some time, but was pressured into going by the others on the trip.

They also told me that she is "cheating" on Bob with another guy - Rick - who works with her. They don't think she's sleeping with him yet, but they are expecting Bob to get the heave ho real soon now.

They tell me that their mother is quite pleased that Rick has even more money than Bob.

I don't know quite what to make of all this.

For the record, I really do want her to have a good trip. I am pleased she is finally taking a trip somewhere (i didn't say that to her - only the kids - and they didn't say that part to her). I really do just want her to be happy - i thought this might make her happy.

But her being happy always has been a lost cause, now hasn't it?

I read a couple of blog entries out loud to the kids. I told them it was from my journal. They are aware that I blog, but believe (like their mother) that it is part of a larger "marriage and relationship" website (because i lied and said exactly that... well, it's not actually a lie if you take those definitions and interpretations a little generally and fuzzily... that's what we in politics call "telling the truth with extreme care" [the actual phrase is: i haven't heard a whole lot of politicians lie. they just tell very carefully constructed truths]. it's the truth presented from a certain perspective, language subset, and observational standpoint...)

anyway - i read them out loud with real names inserted in for pseudonyms. they were some of the older posts that showed their mother at her most erratic. at her most confused and most contradictory - contradicting herself from one hour to the next.

after i had read a few i went and sat by them and asked them what the point of me reading them out was.

my son said "To show that this is business as usual for her. That she's doing the same shit she always has."

Exactly

We talked for a few minutes of how tiring it all was, and how it left all of us so completely emotionally drained.

Then we went to bed.