not leaving me alone

stbx_Mrs_C called this morning to ask if i would endorse a dental reimbursement cheque. because we are still married the medical insurance plans are still set up that the insurance comes off mine first (we have two plans with the same company - goes by whose birthday is first), so the cheque comes in my name.

i said sure. she said she was just leaving to go to the bank and could stop by. i said OK.

as i hung up i realised that it was probably a bad thing to do. she had tried to hug me and kiss me last Thursday when i dropped some stuff off for son.

when she got here i signed the cheque, had about 10 minutes of blather, and went to usher her out. i kept the coffee table in between us through to entire contact. i came out from behind to see her out. she stops at the door and says "aren't you even going to comment on my new coat?" i mumbled something and the conversation was on. she began to blab about all variety of things. she walking toward me. i'm backing away. i make motions to have her leave again. she approaches me and tries to hug me.

i'm stepping back. she's on me kissing me and grabbing my ass and saying "fuck me. do you want to fuck me?"

i'm pushing her away and saying "no. this is not going to happen. look at what you said last time you tried this. you told the kids we had slept together."

her response. she steps back. she looks me in the eye. i say "this is not going to work. this is not going to happen." she starts taking off her clothes and trying to fumble at my belt. i step away and say to stop and underline that it's not going to happen and that she should leave. she lies down on the couch naked and says "fuck me" (and such) again. i tell her that it's not going to happen. (i really want her to go away). i tell her to get dressed and hand her her clothes and ask her to leave. she says "you really don't want to?" i say "no".

i ask her if she's going to tell the kids we slept together again? i ask her if it worked or did anything for her last time. that her actions and the things she was saying to the kids were inappropriate on so many levels.

she begins a nasty diatribe about me and about Smitten. about our respective and joint characters. that Smitten is just using me. for my money and status. when point out that i have no money, she says "but you will". she says Smitten has her hooks in me because Smitten will never find anyone else as good as me. that Smitten is parading around saying to stbx_Mrs_C "I've got your man." that Smitten is playing helpless and weak to trap me and make me feel strong.

that once Smitten has me solid then Smitten will start handing out orders and that I'm not strong enough to resist. stbx_Mrs_C says "i should know, i was married to you. i know your weaknesses"

she's crying and cursing and breaking down. i get her a box of tissues.

she's telling me how i ruined the family, and that she's fucked up, and her kids are fucked up, her side of the family is being damaged, and that everyone's lives are being ruined because i'm too selfish to see what i'm doing. and that if i really loved her or had any love for anyone but myself i wouldn't do this.

that she's a bad parent and letting the kids walk all over her and that she isn't strong enough to do it on her own.

that she still believes in miracles and thinks that somehow someway it can be put back together.

i listen. i listen with different ears. i see the projection of how she feels inside and how she interprets the actions of others.

after awhile i ask her to leave and remind her that i had said no at each step of the way and that it was not my fault that she feels rejected at this moment. that i didn't take her clothes off, and that my only mistake was letting her in to my apartment.

she apologises for some of the things she has said and then says "but you have allow me the nasty comments, don't you? you have to allow me being angry and upset?"

she launches into a further diatribe about my character and my lack of morality.

i listen for awhile.

i ask her to leave.

she storms out.

i wash my face where she kissed me. i spray cologne on to cover up her scent that is still on me.

i sit and think for a few minutes.

i realise that she probably had in her mind that since daughter has chosen to stay with her that i might be vulnerable to her "siren call"

i think more

i call Smitten and ask her if she wants to go for lunch.

she says yes.

and we do - it was pleasant.

i very much understand why i made the choice i did. to leave Mrs_C.

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the above may contain some contradictions or timelines that don't completely match up internally. i will be reviewing this and editting it so that i have everything in the right sequence.

it was a little fucked up, and so am i after that, so my account will be a little scattered. the core story is there: she arrived. she came on to me. i said no. she raved and cried. she left.