"hi [cadbury] its [mrs_c]. i just wanted to uh apologise for this afternoon and uh i guess that's just the way it is... and you're right it's up and down and all the way around and maybe that's just a part of it but i want to apologise for my part. not that i'm apologising for being human, but apologising... ahhhh... well, for whatever... i'm just letting you know. ahhhh... if you get this message... and you... i hope you understand what i'm saying. ah, you can get what you want. i'll do what i have to and i'm really sorry and i will try never to, uh, be... human again, that way. i don't know what to say... if human's the word... be... that... weak... sorry... bye"
a little later i got a telephone call from her on my cell (i was doing laundry and was down in the laundry room).
she said much the same as above. that she was sorry for having pushed herself on me. that she saw me and i was talking and expressing my feelings and she thought i was so beautiful in that instant that she wanted to kiss me.
or that's what she said.
she then went on to tell me again why we shouldn't split up and about how she shouldn't have pushed herself on me and that she should have more respect for herself than to be throwing herself on me (same thing she said the other times), and that Smitten is a bitch that is just using me and that she hates her.
that she doesn't know why she did it and maybe she'll be able to figure it out when she goes to her therapist tomorrow. that maybe he can tell her why she still does it.
this is the first time she has been bashing Smitten directly. I was polite at first. i gave her space for her pain. to express her anger and resentment. but i don't think i will tolerate it much longer. by not telling her to stop i am tacitly telling her it is OK to bash Smitten.
she phoned son tonight to bag at him about dropping out of dance. to tell him that he's a quitter and that he could give it one more try. and that she doesn't know where he learned to be a quitter from... but that its just like his Dad and their marriage - quitting. and that he should give dance one more try.
son hung up on her three times as she started to call him names and put him down. he warned her that she was crossing a line and then he just hung up. she phoned back and started right in on it again. she phoned back a fourth time apologised.
(maybe the boy knows something i don't... me - i sit there and listen to her shit. and take it)
then she put his sister on the phone to talk to him. he told me it was weirdly abrupt.
daughter did not request to speak to me.
i suspect that is just stbx-Mrs_C playing a game with me.
make sure daughter does not talk to me. or maybe daughter doesn't want to talk to me.
whatever.
i'll wait for now.
8 comments:
I hate to say this, but stbx is MUCH worse than my husband's ex.....
stbx Mrs. C has a tremendous mean streak that she's not afraid to use. Even on the children.
My husband's ex was mean/hateful to him and to me~but never to her children.
I'm afraid stbx Mrs. C is going to damage your daughter emotionally....
You "suspect" it's your wife playing a game with you? You know better than that. She's just continuing with a pattern set forth years ago.
This is some truly scary stuff.
I have no other words.
Big Pissy: i think she is and already has damaged my daughter. and it will get worse. i look at the damage that her mother did to her daughters. and what stbx did to me.
buddha_girl: yeah, i know. i use the word suspect because i do not have definitive proof.
i'm a real peckerhead for accuracy. and if i am only speculating with education, i must neccessarily put a caveat on my words. it's also an occupational hazard. you know the business i'm in. unless i have domentary proof of something, i am loathe to hang my hat on it.
and yeah. it is a pattern. and it is scary.
i'm torn on how to handle it. i will be posting soon on the decision i am facing when it comes to the custody fight.
I don't comment often because I just have no experience in this type of situation and hearing your stories is truly overwhelming.
I hope you begin to follow your son's lead and hang up when warranted. Is she trying to manipulate you? Bashing Smitten? Say "This is not behavior that I will tolerate," and hang up. Though I suspect that if her tactics cease to work, she'll just shift to new ones. She is truly manipulative.
As for the daughter... I don't know what to say. My instincts say that she's a smart kid and is also trying to manipulate and it's time to call her bluff... but then my instincts also say "don't let stbx destroy her." And truly, which instinct is right? How can you really know? It's very scary.
The only instinct that stays steady is the one that says "don't try to buy her affection." Let stbx redo her room yet again... you don't have to compete with that. Don't buy her things whenever she wants... buy her things when YOU want.
But mostly... be there as the stable, sane parent she can come to when she needs someone. Because she will.
I hate to say it, but your daughter will one day realize that what her mother has done to her in regards to you was so wrong. She might be an adult by then, but she will know the truth. The hurtful part for you is the years in between.
Keep your chin up, my friend.
i got nothin'. i've never dealt with anything even remotely like this.
but i think lara makes a whole lot of sense.
good luck, cad.
Lara: The first couple of cheap shots at Smitten were just sort of hit and run comments. Her quick add on was always "Cheap shot, I know, but hey, you've got to at least give me that..." with a little grin and a laugh.
I let those go. In context they were not worth the argument. But over the last few days it's built up to the point where it's unacceptable. I would have never allowed anyone to get away with comments like that about stbx-Mrs_C. They would have gotten chewed out or a knuckle sandwich.
I won't allow her to do it to Smitten again.
I'm sticking with letting daughter go. I will protect my legal rights and see how custody proceedings go, but if she is asking to stay at her Mom's... well, she'll have to learn her own lesson. I have a life to live and grow within as well.
One time when my son was taking too long at his friend's place I left him to walk home at 10pm. He learned his lesson. Even if I did relent and go back and pick him up as he was walking about 15 minutes later.
Yeah - I'm just guessing too. I hope I am making the right choice. Daughter will need to learn a lesson. Or maybe she'll like it and turn like her Mom.
Signgurl: I sure hope that things work out OK. And yeah - I suspect there's a whole world of hurt waiting on so many levels for both of us.
Terry: thank-you for you support and your friendship.
She just can't let go can she? I have been left for another person (not that that is the reason you left stbx) and I remember feeling desperate, but what she did is the most desperate thing I've ever heard.
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