felt like i was wanking my plonker one too many times. been beating that bush for awhile.
i want to thank people for your thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
and a note with regard to one of the things that CP said: "As for Smitten, she can't ask you those things. I mean, she can...literally, but she shouldn't."
I suspect a tonality implied in reading the question from Smitten that is not neccessarily there. Smitten is a psychologist. She used to work with kids in shelters and group homes. Now she works with battered women and women coming from really shitty situations. She does life skills training and stuff as part of her work. One of the key elements of that work is trying to elicit self-awareness - specifically self-awareness about why these women are making the decisions they are making - often to stay in abusive relationships. Smitten's question of why was asked (at least to my perception) as a prompt toward really asking the question "do you know why you stayed?" rather than a "were you ever dumb to stay" commentary.
and before anyone raises again the issue of whether Smitten is trying to fix me, and will leave me when i'm well/better or something like that... i asked her flat out (Sicilian flagged that issue awhile ago). she said no. she said she'd rather have me well and better now, but that she made an assessment using her personal and professional skills, experience, and training to decide that i wasn't too fucked up to be around and have a relationship with.
this post, instead of one more trip down to the first layer (or deeper) of hell, i thought would just round-up a little bit more of what i've been doing on my leave.
- went through many boxes of books and put them on my shelves. it feels nice to be able to put my books up after having been forced to keep most of them in boxes in the storage room all these years.
- got my fitness assessment and body sculpting routine done at the health club
- downloaded music (cha cha and merengue) for practicing dance
- bought dance shoes
- practiced a bunch for dance class
- started a new kickboxing class at the health club - we'll see how long i can keep that up
- dealt with some long standing wrap-up on my now defunct business
- dealt with a pile of paperwork and tax issues
- wrote up a chunk of my proposals for the separation/divorce agreement/settlement
- bought more new clothes
i spent a lot of swell time with Smitten doing fun things (both out in public and intimately)
i'm feeling pretty good.
i'm on track to get done what i wanted to get done, and am doing most of what i want to do.
Son tells me that stbx-Mrs_C is reportedly (from daughter) now "officially" dating a guy. He's a friend of sister's (actually he's a drinking buddy of sister's husband).
Good.
I hope he distracts her for awhile.
In fact, I hope he makes her happy. I never could, so here's hoping he can.
He got disembowled (figuratively) during his split from his wife a few years ago. I hope it goes better for him this time...
6 comments:
I can feel your relief about STBE-Mrs. C finding somewhere to put her attention. Maybe things will go more smoothly now that she has something else to put her energy into.
i have to say it again, though: no one can make stbx-mrs. c happy but herself.
however, if having a new man in her life makes her easier to deal with, then hallelujiah.
you are so dear to my heart.
i am glad you sound and feel better now.
can't remember - did I tell you how HUGELY proud I am for your efforts to improve your situation. I KNOW how hard this is. I am jealous of your courage. Keep on keep'n
t
Mr. C. . . you are right. . . a distraction is good. . . but he doesn't know what he is walking into. . . don't tell him.
I am glad that you have been open and honest with Smitten. I do think you have come a long way. . . and isn't the growth process amazing.
Ciao
Cad - I understand what you are saying. I do. And, further, I understand the need to open up to your new love. Been there, done that. However, the fact that she is a psychologist has NOTHING to do with it. She is too close to the situation to be objective. She was in a bad relationship herself. Now, did being a psychologist help that? Of course not.
There is a saying, "any lawyer who would represent himself has a fool for a client". The same holds true in any profession. As competant and capable of a nurse that I am, when my children or husband are ill, I don't try to be the one to nurse them back to health.
I can certainly understand why she would want to know things about you...but, what I meant was...to ask you "WHY" you stayed...that's a question that really can't be answered. There isn't one thing. There are many things. And, perhaps I am miscontruing what you originally wrote and taking it in a different way than it was actually said...but to me, it felt a little cruel.
That could be more because of your poor writing skills as opposed to her implied tone. ;)
Love ya!
Smitten should not be asking you for two clear reasons:
1) a g/f never steps in where a wife was.
2) as a professional, she needs to make sure her professionalism remains intact, and that means not dating someone she is giving professional advice or counseling to.
If you are allowing Smitten to do both, the relationship is flawed. Make it a point to not mix her professional career with your personal problems. If she asks, tell her, "I can't date my counselor. Let's talk about something else."
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