returning to work

a lot of the tension and emotion seeped out of me in the last week. i'm sure it will arrive back at some point, but for right now i feel pretty normal. well, whatever normal is.

i feel relatively devoid of anxiety. i am having zero panic attacks. i am ok,

didn't get everything i wanted to done in the last few weeks. but i don't care that much. they don't seem like the insurmountable hurdles they were before. mostly because i did get so many things done.

later this month i expect to finally be clear of the tar baby that was my business (i discussed that situation last year). all the tax and other stuff is finnlly looking like it will be cleared up. i have negotiated a settlement for roughly what my legal costs would have been to take it through the full appeal process. i consider that a win for me.

this also clears the way for me to claim all my shareholder loans to the business as an allowable business loss deductions. that will come to more than the settlement and leave me in a positive cash situation. i will be able to clear up most of my credit card debt with the remainder. a set of payments ended on Feb 1. my vehicle payments end shortly.

i have a verbal agreement with stbx-Mrs_C on the shape of a settlement as well. not perfect from my perspective, but fair enough. the closure is worth a lot of money to me.

i should be able to seriously begin looking at houses soon.

just to wander off on the cash valuation of a settlement for a moment (yes, i'm rationalising): avoiding a legal wrangle: at least $5000 (low end); reducing counselling costs (let's say cut in half...): $1200 per year; reduced massage (tension headaches and fibromyalgia attacks) $800 per year; potential equity lost on buying my own house vs renting: approx $3600 per year; capital gain loss on projected property value increase: estimated $10,000 this year; reduced interest costs: est $2400; reduced mortage cost by buying now in a rising market: est $600 per year; [later edit] i just realised there would also be about $5000 - $10,000 more in property costs as well as the lost capital gain[end edit]

peace of mind and not having to think about it anymore: priceless

so, lets's see, this year alone, settling quickly will be worth over $23,000 [later edit]( actually over $28,000-$33,000)[end edit] in one year - in my pocket

plus the avoidance of pain and suffering

plus my daughter will come back to stay with me for my weeks

plus it will allow me to do the travelling i want this year and to easily buy my boat and trailer.

estimated value of going for everything i could theoretically get: est $22,000 (including pension allocations that i morally don't really want) plus some of the above values (cut them in half because of a minimum of a six month timeline) total: $35,000

if it takes a year to settle and more lawyer money... i break even (absolutely best case scenario) and have all the pain and suffering. [later edit]to wait more than six months likely sinks any positive financial outcome[end edit]

yep - i'm rationalising. and the rationalisation looks good from here.

the sooner the full break comes the more free i am. the better i'm able to live the life that i want.