outcomes

daughter attended her first counselling session on monday morning. son on monday afternoon. i took time off from work to go with both and at the request of the counsellors i participated in the first parts of each session.

daughter's counsellor is off plan (both family assistance and health insurance [counselling isn't yet covered under universal medicare (which it would be if i were in charge)], so i am paying cash for her visits - $75.00 a visit. son's counsellor is on my workplace family assistance plan, so 5 visits will be covered - then i pay cash because even though you can be a registered counsellor with a master's in clinical social work, my health insurance won't pay for a non-psychologist as a counsellor.

in each case i selected the counsellor for their experience and abilities, not for coverage. i wanted people who would fit well with my kids and their needs.

i'll figure out a way to pay for it all later - i'll probably have to hit up my mom and dad for help in this case.

daughter's counsellor is an associate of a lady who is widely regarded locally and nationally for her work with the Lesbian Gay Bi-Sexual and Transgender community. i was referred to he first lady, but she is going in for surgery and is not taking new patients. i described my needs and she referred me to one of her associates. her associate is not a registered counsellor - though she is currently under application for registration. she is a professor of psychology at the local university who teaches clinical psychology, but bizarrely is not a registered clinical psychologist (minimum number of hours per year spent counselling is one of the reasons). she was both teach and finishing some post-doctoral work or some such in the last few years.

anyway, she's pretty wild. she's in her late 50s and is a self-professed weird person. crystals, energy, chi, reiki, hypnosis, wholism, blah, blah, blah. perfect fit for daughter - who sees herself as very different from her peers. we'll see how they get along as things progress. daughter has another appointment next week.

son's counsellor is a dude who has worked with teenaged boys for a lot of years. he is a bit jockish for my tastes (and son's) but he seems ok. he has a degree in fine arts in addition to his bachelors and masters in clinical social work, so he must have a little going on beyond his sports guy thing...

he used to live over the fence from my parents - they knew each other peripherally. he also played hockey with my brother. no close relationships. i am comfortable with that and so is son - we didn't feel the need to get someone who was totally removed.

it's hard to go anywhere in the city, and in fact most of the province and find a professional of any variety who doesn't know my family in some manner...

me not knowing daughter's counsellor is actually different. i know the other lady - she also served on the women's centre board with Smitten.

yeah - it's not a huge place where we live, and we're fairly high profile and darn well known.

[end of section written thursday may 8]

i asked my mom last night for help ($250.00 loan for 2 weeks until i get some health insurance reimbursements). help she had said would be forthcoming if it was ever needed for the kids. she gave me shit for not taking them to the same counsellor i'm seeing - the free one. telling me i could have saved my money by going there. as for the loan - she said she'd think about it. i was pretty hurt. but mom is sometimes like that.

i didn't bother arguing with her. i waited a few minutes and called her back telling her that i had been just called and told i would receive a payable from my consulting work and didn't need her help.

a lie. thinking about it i potentially should have told her that her response pissed me off and was inconsistent with her previous stance - but i may need help in the future and there is no point in burning a bridge by having a confrontation. so i avoided a potential confrontation in a personal trade off. i knew i could juggle shit and asking mom was more convenience for myself than anything, so it didn't much matter. she said she had the money and was prepared to spend on helping them - specifically talking about getting counselling in one discussion.

but, whatever....

because i went with the not lowest cost option it was an issue. because her ideas about counselling - that a counsellor who was really good for her would be good for the kids... a sort of one size fits all approach...

yeah - i guess i'm a little more irritated than i thought

but it's her money and i need to just get over it

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back to the kids:

daughter was quite enthused about her counsellor

son was a more nonchalant, but seemed to be walking a little lighter in his steps as we left

i think they are feeling positive that there must be a way out of how they feel and their rock and a hard place position.

signed both kids up for my gym. lied to the gym and told them daughter (12) was 14 in order to get them to accept her...

both kids are quite positive about going - the gym promo'd a bunch of sessions (8 hours) with trainers when i signed them up, so they will be well trained on the equipment.

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stbx called and sniveled at me about money - asked for some - said she needed to pay a credit card and couldn't get a personal line of credit in time to make a payment

said i owed her money for interest on the equity line of credit that she has paid

i told her she owed me over $100,000 for my share of the house she was living in

i gave her the money - $100

if i expected anything (which i didn't) it was soon to be not forthcoming

after work when i went to pick daughter up after her intro session at the gym, daughter told me to that her mom had told her to remind me to give her the money i owed her...

i told daughter i didn't owe her mom any money, and that i was just helping her mom out of a tight spot

oh, well

why did i give her the money?

i want the counselling and the gym time to be as undisrupted as possible

so i chose undemanded and unasked for pre-emptive appeasement

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yeah

and she tried to strike up conversations

"so, how are you doing?" she asks me brightly on the phone when i first agree. i tell her i do not wish to talk righ tnow

when i drop the money off she tells me "you're looking great, have you lost weight?"

bullshit

i've gained weight

she wants to talk

i tell her i am leaving

last time i told her flat out that i had no desire to have any conversation with someone who told me kids i raped her

this time - i didn't feel like it

i didn't want a confrontation or conversation

i wanted to go for dinner with Smitten

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stbx looked awful

oh my god she looked awful

her face was heavier and puffier - even if she is skinnier

her face has that large pore look - with the bumpy skin with uneven texture and colour

like you see on an alcoholic

not saying she is

just trying to give you an idea

her hair is like straw - all wild and out of control and unkept

washed, but dry and full of static

i was really bothered by it for the whole evening

she looks awful

i guess drinking a lot and smoking more than a pack a day will start to do that

especially on top of anorexic eating behaviours

it really bothered me

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but i still won't talk to her