rescue gene

daughter talked a bit about her counselling session

about the girl she wants to go out with

a girl at her school - a grade 8 girl - 14 years old

(read daughter's dinner engagement...)

this girl has caused some trouble for daughter already. she kissed daughter at school in the schoolyard. the kids reported her. this was few weeks back

daughter called me that day - she was scheduled to go talk to the principal in the afternoon. i told her to be completely open with the principal about what was up. about her attraction and about her bi-sexuality and about the teasing and stuff in the schoolyard. to trust the principal.

it was a long discussion with the principal (whom i am on decent terms with) who likes daughter. who thinks daughter is a good kid. and even if it is a catholic school, the principal is french... she has gay friends and family herself.

they had a long conversation. daughter told me afterwards that sometimes it was maddening because the principal said almost exactly the same things word for word that i did.

principal called me. we talked. we talked about both girls. i have concerns about this other girl because she has some impulse control issues. this girl was sexually abused as a kid and does a lot of stuff just for shock value.

i have expressed my concerns about her. the principal expressed her concern that the girl is not someone daughter should be hooking up with. the principal confirmed my suspicions about impulse control on this other girl.

the girl also does drugs, says she has sex with boys, and drinks...

i have expressed my concerns about his to daughter as well.

i have not done anything to facilitate their contact.

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- back to daughter's counselling session and our talk on the way back to school -

daughter talked about how she had discussed how she seems to always hook up with "the wrong kind of kids". kids who will get her into trouble. daughter talked about how she realised, while talking to the counsellor, that she was trying to "save" her friends.

that she was trying to stop them from their downward spiral. that she knew what would work to help them in their lives, but how she could never seem to convince her friends to just take her advice and live better. that they would always make the wrong decisions, no matter what she did

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no really - she said the above

and more

i am not shitting you

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she said that she realised the girl she was trying to date was a lot like her mother. all the way to the childhood sexual abuse and the substance abuse issues.

that the girl was as wildly mood swinging and erratic as her mother

a lot like her mother

that it wasn't probably a good thing...

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for more on rescuing read here:

control, loss of control, and rescuing

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son is still trying to convince his mother to turn her life around - still ready to battle her - trying to "point out how stupid she's being"

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but not me

nope

never

nuh-uh

no way

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"Observational learning (also known as: vicarious learning or social learning or modeling) is learning that occurs as a function of observing, retaining and, in the case of imitation learning, replicating behavior executed by others." - wikipedia

"Motivation: In general, observers will perform the act only if they have some motivation or reason to do so. The presence of reinforcement or punishment, either to the model or directly to the observer, becomes most important in this process."

http://www.funderstanding.com/observational_learning.cfm

"Many mistake observational learning with imitation. The two terms are different in the sense that observational learning leads to a change in behavior due to observing a model." - wikpedia

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rescue gene...