Moved In

I've had the beds/mattresses since last week. My brother and I assembled most of the bunkbed, and I finished it mid-week while waiting for the TV guys to come hook up my internet and TV service.

I have a TV (parents old one) and some living room furniture. I have a table and some chairs. I have a microwave (my parents old one), coffee maker, and a toaster oven. I have lamps and night tables and things.

I now have some dishes, pots and pans, flatware, cooking utensils, and various other accoutrements of a household.

There is food in the fridge and some stuff in the cupboards.

I have toilet paper and a shower curtain and limited toiletries.

I have the makings of a household. There are still boxes and stuff piled around.

The kids stayed over on Saturday night.

More stuff is still arriving, and as I am sorting out what I have, people who know me (friends and co-workers) are volunteering more stuff - at times pulling it out of their own cupboards and/or buying me stuff - yeah - some people are buying stuff to make it easier for me.

I've been asked to make a list of what I need.

There is a consensus emerging (directly stated and implied by actions) that most of the people who know me don't want me to go back to Mrs_C.

It's not just because they are my friends and they are helping me out, or are bailing me out of an action I've taken... in the cases where I have inquired this is a well formed opinion. These folks apparently haven't been happy for some years with how Mrs_C conducted herself toward me.

The 50+ women are the harshest in their comments.

Not blowing my horn, but apparently I am the best Dad they've ever seen - and apparently a good spouse too... Just so my head doesn't swell, they still happily list various of my other faults - including not getting stuff done on time, forgetting things, and a messy office.

Also, apparently no one else has noticed any problem with me being able to express myself emotionally.

I'm putting the above comments in this post, not to ask for accolades or anything, but because I need to keep reinforcing positive ideas. Emotionally, for me, sometimes things are good and sometimes things are bad. I need to reinforce to me, in my own mind, that I am a good person and that I am not "destroying our family".

I am also posting these comments because I am looking around with clearer eyes. Some of what I am seeing is new to me. My parents' exhortations to "just get some sleep" are proving to be true. I feel like I have just woken up. I'm a little wobbly and a little groggy, but I have new eyes for this situation.

By saying it out loud (or by posting it here) it becomes more real. The understanding becomes more real.