Sunday Morning Coffee With Mrs_C

[a rant]

On Sunday morning I get a call from Mrs_C about 8:55am. I'm still sleeping. I'd been up 'til 2am. I was moving in until around midnight, and couldn't sleep back at my parents - so I looked at real estate listings until 2am.

[tangent]
I had briefly discussed my future housing with my Mom when we were out getting mattresses and stuff. I cautiously mentioned that I would likely be approaching them about part of the costs or co-signing and other efforts related to getting into a house - I want that 3rd bedroom. Payments on a house in the size and price I want would cost less than rent of a 3 bedroom house or apartment. Mom said that wohatever would be would be, and that Dad was the finance guy to figure out how anything would work.

(Why would I be asking them? Because it's easier than trying to lift the whole weight myself. Easier than some of the scraping and hardship that would entail within a solo effort.)

I deliberately left the listings I printed out on my Dad's printer in in home office (he's retired - he's doing some work as a research fellow at the university and some cosulting, but he's around 80 years old). Yes, I know it's a bit of game playing on my part, and I'd live in a hole if were just me (I've done it before) to avoid leaning on my parents, but we're talking about my kids here - I'd sell my sorry ass on the streets for them. I figured that Dad would find the listings (Dad hasn't seen a piece of paper anywhere that he hasn't wanted to read or snoop at... this was like leaving a steak in front of a doghouse), they would see I'm not looking for the moon and stars, they would discuss it, and they would come up with a plan that would work for them. It would also allow them to pre-emptively think about and discuss the matter whithout me having to make a "formal request". It worked perfectly. They already had a preliminary plan in place in less than a day and had already spoken to their lawyer (on a Sunday no less) about some of their ideas. It included a rent-to-own structure for the first year followed by a mortgage assumption. This would also avoid any possibility of Mrs_C trying to grab any piece of the home (and my parent's money) as an asset in a divorce proceeding.
[/tangent]

But back to the phone call from Mrs_C.

She calls. She wants me to read something. I say "Uh, I was asleep." She says "oh, I thought you were going to be up early to work on things..." The night before I had begged off coming in to the house for tea when dropping the kids off. I had told her I needed to be up early to do stuff (9am on Sunday morning is early for me, by the way - also early for her - she usually sleeps until about 11 - 11:30am Sunday)

She wants me to read something. Says its important. Says she wants me to read it as soon as possible.

I groggily agree. I fall right back to sleep. I wake up and hour later. I'm up in flash - in a panic - good lord, I've kept Mrs_C waiting. I stumble out to the kitchen, where I see my Mom reading the paper and tell her I'm late to meet Mrs_C can she help me by getting my food for breakfast ready while I shower.

Mom is up right away and is getting stuff in order, and then asks "OK, what time were you supposed to meet her? Should you be giving her a call?" I say "No, I said I would call her when I was ready, but that was an hour ago and I fell asleep."

Mom asks "OK, so she called you?"

Me "Yes"

Mom "Do you want to meet with her?"

Me "Not really"

Mom "And so why are you getting your shit in a knot?"

And it dawns on me. I'm still scurrying. I'm still reacting in panic.

Mom "Why not tell her you'll meet with her when you damn well feel like it?"

By this time I was thinking - yeah - why did i go into panic mode?

I proceeded at an even pace, but still went to meet Mrs_C at a coffee shop. I didn't apologise for keeping her waiting or even mention how long it took.

She gives me this section from her Dr. Phil book to read that has something about being a "demanding taker" and not a "giver" and about being demanding and not allowing other people to give in their own way - always demanding that giving be on the "taker's terms".

She said that she had realised that was something she did. She went into some long half weepy apology.

Whatever.

I had arranged for daughter to go horseback riding later that afternoon (her first time). Mrs_C asked if she could come along. I was really taken aback. I said no, I didn't see how it would work - I had made the arrangments on the basis of an appeal to kindness/charity that my daughter/kids needed a special outing because of separation related stress. I said it would hardly work to suddenly show up with Mrs_C in tow with no prior notice. I also gave her shit for proposing such a thing with no notice, considering she had known about the outing since Friday.

I told her that I had arranged a bunch of special activities and things to do for the kids based on appeal to kindness because of the divorce and that her coming along would not work in those contexts. I said that a big chunk of my vacation was based on calling in favours surrounding the separation. I talked about some of the elements of that vacation plan.

Can you believe Mrs_C had the audacity to ask to come along? She wanted to come along for most of the activities.

I was hopping mad! I told her that it pissed me off that she was going to try and ride on the coattalis of my planning. I told her I was pissed off that she couldn't even phone her sister to see if we could use their condo in the mountains even though I had been telling Mrs_C to call her since February - and now she wants to ride on the planning I did in one or two days when she couldn't get off her ass since February? I let her have it. I told her I was pissed at the state of the house and the refrigerator since I left. I told her she bitches at the kids to eat healthily and then doesn't put any food in the friedge to eat - much more healthy food - they're home for summer vacation.

I let fly on all the logistical stuff I did over our whole marriage and how she said I never did anything.

I ranted for some time (about 15 minutes). It was all polite, and all accurate, and no repetition - all the things I did that involved planning and management that had fallen apart in a matter of 5 days after I left. That especially included all the menu and meal planning - as well a making sure there was a steady supply and variety of healthy meals, lunches, and after-school snacks. Most of the management of the kids school and activity stuff fell to me too.

It felt good to get those comments off my chest.

I told her that when I brought the kids back from the horseback riding I had better find quality food in the fridge or she'd be in some serious shit from me.

blah, blah, blah a little while longer

I left to continue my apartment move-in.

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For the record, she had bought food, but missed buying drinks for the lunches my daughter needs to take to her arts camp this week - so at 11:30 at night I'm off buying juice boxes.

Good planning Mrs_C...