And Now Its A Couple of Weeks Later

First - Holiday pics on the other blog

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A few of you have asked for updates. This is one. There is just so much less drama to report, though...

Oh, and thank-you for being interested and caring. Really. I mean that.

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We went on holidays. Well, we took a holiday. We did mostly day trips out of the city and slept at the apartment.

The first couple of days we slept. We slept late. We just kind of lounged and slacked around the apartment and went out for a few hours on each of the days. We listened to cool music and putzed about. I had planned for much more excitement, but sleep seemed to be the order of the day. Mrs_C and her whatever it is that she does to us emotionally is soooo taxing on the body and spirit.

We put stuff away in the apartment. I built desks and work surfaces for their crafts and models and for the computers. The kids helped with the building. Daughter painted a picture and we bought a frame for it.

We saw movies and wandered and enjoyed the peace.

I am amazed at what that woman does to me and does to my children. I don't understand how someone could have such a disturbing presence.

We enjoyed the peace.

So much of things is kind of a blur. I should have diarized it at the time, but with the kids around and only one computer and all the other stuff needing to be done I didn't.

Mrs_C kept phoning. I yelled at her once when the kids were around (not much choice - they can't be very far away in the apartment). She was demanding time and that we talk and wanting to know whether I had any feelings toward her, or any commitment, and why wasn't I making more effort to work things out, and how long would I be not talking to her for...

I pointed out that I had ended up speaking with her every single day since I left, and had seen her on more than 3/4 of the days since I left, so how the hell did she call it ignoring her. Blah, blah, blah.

I apologised to the kids for losing it as bad as I did in their presence.

I did not apologise to Mrs_C.

She tried to horn in on stuff a couple of times but I told her to butt out.

She did.

The kids went with her on one of the days for some time. I asked them if they wanted to stay at their Mom's place overnight. They said no. They wanted to come back to the apartment.

We did a border run and saw some stuff in the U.S. for a couple of days. That was cool for them. Because we weren't going on any big trips I tried to think of things that they could talk about at school that would be cool.

We went to the homestead sites of my Mom's family and saw the land and the abandoned (pioneer) buildings. We saw some small town museums and saw a few relatives. Scored a few free rooms and meals. The kids surprisingly enjoyed it - including the relatives.

Without hubris, I think I can say that just enjoy being with me. Also, the peace and calm of it all was so new. They clung to the calm.

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Mrs_C is in competition with me to attract the kids. She redecorated daughter's room. It looks really nice. Quite stylish. She called me to solve one of her decorating problems. I did before I realised I was helping Mrs_C in her bid for appeal to daughter.

Mrs_C generally isn't doing a very swell job of competing. Before they came over here she would whine at them to climb into the bed and cuddle and sleep with her. The kids complain to me that they just get hot and uncomfortable. Son refused to do it after the first couple of days.

I am staying constant with who I usually am. My ways of doing things and my non-demanding nature is all the contrast needed in the political push and pull with the kids. I may be non-demanding, but it's because I have rules and I have discipline - it is a structured environment - I am painfully consistent, and even when I am not I usually note the exception, or go back and correct the inconsistency. Mrs_C tends to be fairly arbitrary in her supervision. There is little consistency. Kids crave consistency.

I also include the kids in the decision making - and they actually get to determine outcomes. They complain that Mrs_C asks them what they want, or want to do, and then bugs, hectors, and harangues them until they give in to what she originally wanted (sound familiar folks?). And then accuses them of insolence when they try to hold their position.

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Mrs_C is working a later shift next week, so I will be seeing the kids for supper each day. They will be going out of town with her after this week. There are some interesting ways all that has come together, and some interesting swirl in Mrs_c's holiday arrangments that will be the subject of another post.

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Went on a date

Yes, I went on a date. It sucked. It blew. It blew chunks. It bit.

Did I say how bad it was?

It was a blind date fixed up for us by two people that know each other that know us separately, and who got to talking about their two friends who might be looking for a date.

The first three sentences of the date weren't bad - well, make it three minutes of ordering coffee (she doesn't drink coffee so hot chocolate for her) and picking a table. Shortly after the conversation went to where I work. I work someplace that makes policy decisions that affect the operation she manages. Only obliquely, but she blames us for her lack of resources (remember politics people).

After awhile (about an hour and a half) she made up an excuse to leave. I was OK with it.

Yep. This woman was everything I didn't want. Arrogant. Convinced of her own superior station. Demanding. Inquisitorial.

Yep. After less than a half an hour I was having to justify my own existence.

But in one way it was fun. I could make the choice.

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Speaking of choice, I am choice meat, people. I have been asked out twice outside of the above blind date.

Once by a teacher I know peripherally that I ran into in the grocery store. She asked me how I was doing, I told her that I had separated and was getting my act together, and she said "Is it too soon to ask if you'd like to go out sometime?". I said I would be delighted. Stay tuned this week.

The other, get this [heh], was while I was taking daughter through dress shops the other day (no - it was not in front of daughter). Son was out doing something with a friend, and daughter and I went to a nifty Italian deli and had lunch in the park (that whole afternoon - that time together - was dreamlike in its perfection). We then cruised the downtown, and I asked her if she wanted to go into wedding and evening dress boutiques and look at the dresses (she was so thrilled). She buys prom dress magazines and stuff, so it just seemed to be the right thing to do - something she'd like.

We had gone into a couple already, but then went into one that was little different. It had some groovy music on, and some very funky fashions in addition to the wedding dresses and regular evening gowns.

The lady inside appeared and I gave my stock comment about looking at dresses with daughter, and the stores being like a life sized prom magazine.

Daughter was wandering at the other end of the store. I commented on the music - how much I liked it - and then realized it was from a CD I own. It was new CD for the lady - none of her friends liked it but she did. We laughed and she played some other CDs she had recently gotten. I made some suggestions in the same musical genre. We talked a bit and I told her how daughter wants to be a fashion designer.

It turns out this woman owns the store and is a designer - clothing and costuming for movies. She's hot. We gab. Daughter wanders in and out. She is a precious child with a wonderful soul who never fails to warm anyone's heart. She knows how to lay it on thick too (Dad knows how to lay it on thick as well - I've been using "the voice". The one my kids razz me about - you remember - the Barry White/James Earl Jones/Gregory Peck voice. Oddly enough it gets deeper and more manly the more I'm trying to impress some unsuspecting woman [the voice never seems to come out around guys...]). Store lady is thrilled by how encouraging I am of my 10 year child's dream to be a designer. Daughter preens at the attention of an artsy hot chick.

Daughter wanders off some more.

Store lady asks me where Mom is today. I say "I think she's at home - I'll be dropping the kids at her place later in the day. This is the last day of our vacation together".

Store lady asks "Oh, you live at separate places?"

"Yes."

"Do you drink coffee - we could talk more about music..." she says (or something like that - this is an abreviated version).

"Absolutely." She suddenly seems embarrassed at her forwardedness - so I wrote down my name and number and said I would be thrilled if she called.

Daughter wants me, so I go with her to look at some dresses.

Store lady is looking at the piece of paper as we wave as we leave a little while later.

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I think that's enough for now. More later.