more on the calendar

i raised the calendar at supper last night.

i said "[Son] asked me if I'd been looking at Playboy calendars while I was out with you."

daughter leapt on it almost before the words were out of my mouth, she said "i saw you looking at a calendar with half naked women in it and i thought it was Playboy." her speed in response and tone, told me she realised it wasn't a Playboy calendar, and that she had been embellishing for sake of a story. i did not say that to her. i used ballon pirate's words. i told her that i was sad that she hadn't raised it with me directly. i asked her what she had seen me look at.

she said one with ladies in swimsuits on beaches.

i gave her the list of calendars i looked at in that section.

we had some discussion. she asked me why i looked at the calendar. so i answered about each of them.

i looked at the local firefighter calendar because i was comparing myself and my body to a bunch of regular guys (who happen to work out all the time). the britney spears calendar because i wanted to see if the photos were from before or after she'd had her baby (i have and ongoing interest in the evolving perception of the sexuality of mothers - it was piqued by a discussion years ago with Mrs_C [during her pregnancy with our first child] and her sister and the whole demi moore posing thing [aug 1991] - i postulate that societal and male attitudes are shifting and have shifted faster than the mainstream media and hollywood - this also feeds into my opinions about amateur erotica [but i didn't discuss that issue with daughter]). GQ calendar because it's fully dressed suave guys. and the sports illustrated daytimer because i wanted to see the layout and format they used. no - really - it's sad but true (we sometimes make calendars as fund raising tools - they spend a lot of money researching things like layout for that calendar - it's a huge money maker) - anyway, i have access better sources of porn if i wanted to view it than that calendar. i even said that to daughter.

i asked her if she thought that it was wrong to either make or look at pictures like that. she said it was. she is repeating things stbx-Mrs_C has said to her. so i asked her if it was wrong to have the placemats over at the house with reproductions of classical nude paintings. she said no - that was different. i asked her how it was different. she said "well, something that was painted 600 years ago is different". so i asked her if the sports illustrated stuff, which isn't even nude, will be OK in 600 years.

she was already realising that she couldn't hold her position of erotica/nude stuff all being wrong and said "it's OK as long as it's tasteful".

i asked her a few more leading questions of that nature and she couldn't hold her position well based on her otherwise previously stated stated postitions (on things like music videos, and religious fundamentalist censorship, and topless beaches in europe). i always made sure to say "i'm not arguing with you, i'm just trying to understand your position so that i can be respectful of it". after a little while i let it go. the discussion was over. no reason to rub her nose in it.

later on as i tucked her into bed she was telling me about how her and her mother had been looking at the firefighter's calendar and that there was only one guy in there that was "hot" (i was only wearing pajama bottoms and she was bugging me about my "manly chest" and being "hot for the ladies"). i asked her if it was ok for her and her mom to look at calendars for hot guys, but not ok for guys. she said "yeah... ok dad... i get it. it's ok. you don't have to bring it up again."

i responded "i was just wondering. just trying to understand your postion. your opinion is important to me, and i want you to think well of me, so if i'm doing something you disapprove of, i need to know"

she said "ok dad. give me a hug."

i did and tucked her into bed.