touch

Smitten has issues with her sacroiliac joint (SI joint) dating back to a motorcycle accident some 20 years ago. It affects her hip, back, and neck. She generally goes to the chiropractor - but with my influence has also begun massage and physiotherapy (I'm also able to provide massage and acupressure a couple of times a week). Where her condition was pretty consistent before, but only holding steady, it has drastically changed since the new therapies. Her pain is different, and her body is reacting differently. Most of the time she is better - sometimes she'll have a massive new effect. We (us and the medical professionals) believe that her body is shifting toward normalcy and that some of the extreme discomfort is muscles that have been in spasm or atrophied for years - complaining about being back in action.

Last weekend I spent most of Saturday (9 hours) giving her a massage (also ended up a couple more hours on Sunday). She was in pretty extreme discomfort. It's not the first time that it has been a whole day of constant touch - sometime massage or therapeutic touch - sometimes just touching.

She said to me "In the last year I have been touched more, I think, than I was for my entire life to date. Cumulative."

Kind of mind blowing.

She reminded me of what I had said on our first date (Smitten). She sort of interviewed me - asked a bunch of really personal questions. One of them - she asked me if I liked to touch. She asked me if I was the kid of person who casually touched while doing things in the kitchen or while walking or whatever.

After some hesitation my reply was "I'm touched starved."

"I don't know if I can do that because I haven't had the opportunity. I think I'd like to, I want to, but I don't know. All I know is that I am aching for simple touch."

Apparently that was some of the raw emotion and honesty that attracted her to me. She didn't realise at the time how much of a leap of faith it was for me to be that open emotionally. Maybe it doesn't seem like that big a deal to you either... But I've learned to be very guarded. That's part of what I'm trying to relearn.

I like to touch. I like to be touched.

I'm intending to take a series of massage courses so that I can be better at that, so I can help Smitten more. The massage, acupressure and reflexology based stuff I do already has been such a huge help to Smitten - I'd like to take it up one more level. If I can, through regular intervention, keep her pain free - it would be a wonderful thing.

And getting to touch for long periods of time is its own reward.

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What is the sacroiliac joint (SI joint)?
The sacroiliac joint is a firm, small joint that lies at the junction of the spine and the pelvis. Most often when we think of joints, we think of knees, hips, and shoulders--joints that are made to undergo motion. The sacroiliac joint does not move much, but it is critical to transferring the load of your upper body to your lower body.

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The boy has been hugging me more lately.

He did before sometimes, but often I was not completely receptive to him.

He's almost my size. That's kind of weird. Hugging a man... I try to hold him as long as he wants to be hugged.

Part of me says "What's wrong with him?" or "He must really be feeling the pressure or emotional trauma of the situation."

Or he could just want to closeness and support of a hug from his Dad.

I used to hug and hold him all the time. Until he got big. Then not.

I still hug and hold the girl, but still not as much as I used to (per hour of exposure).

There is a chunk of me that says it's wrong to hug him. That men don't hug - and if they do - only with women or children.

My parents weren't touchy feely. Our family has huge personal space. I can remember hugging my Mom once outside of childhood. So that would be once in the last 30 years. I'm not sure if I hugged my dad in that period.

I've never hugged my brother (and have no desire to).

I remember how freaky it was when my sister started doing the hug thing. I just froze.

That was kind of like hugging my mom when I did 10-20 years back... She was completely stiff to my hug/contact.

Yeah - a little uptight...