Sunday, September 30, 2007

Why do I feel the need to talk about my success?

Because for so long I was told that what I did wasn't up to snuff. There was always something that would make the day go sour no matter what I did. That something that I did wouldn't be nice enough or sincere enough.

Because I was told I was insensitive.

Self-centred.

Lacking awareness.

Emotionless.

Disinterested.

Slack.

Uncaring.

5 comments:

Big Pissy said...

Everything that stbex-Mrs C used to tell you should be applied to her.

You are none of those things. :)

Nobody said...

well said, Pis

t_cole said...

here, here, we all agree with pissy

Balloon Pirate said...

Interesting. Those are the characteristics of an addict (with the possible exception of 'emotionless'). I know that, because they're the traits my EW had. As a codependent, I tried to 'balance out' these negative traits by being overly sensitive, self-depreciating, overaware, meddlesome and overworked.

Yet no matter what I did, it was never good enough.

At the mediation EW called me a pervert and a horrible parent.

Didn't bother me, because I don't believe it about myself any more.

I think I'm getting better. I think you are, too.

And tell Smitten to stop trying to be perfect. She never will be. Instead, try for excellence. It's actually attainable.

yeharr

cadbury_vw said...

"And tell Smitten to stop trying to be perfect. She never will be. Instead, try for excellence. It's actually attainable."

Smitten's Mom was Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I didn't know that until after I had come to the conclusion that the stbx is BPD. Smitten didn't tell me at first. Smitten is a psychologist. She gave me a few books, and answered a few questions, and listened to what I had to say. But she didn't tell me about her Mom until after I had arrived entirely at my own conclusion about stbx-Mrs_C. It was kind of funny - I wondered how she could be so penetratingly accurate in her observations about stbx-Mrs_C's methods and reactions when we first got together.

So Smitten is still recovering herself. From not being good enough. Not up to snuff...

But she's getting better too. She's learning to accept help after a lifetime of having to stand on her own. And my help is "good enough" for her.