I was reading your responses to my last post, and thinking - yep - I got owned pretty bad in that last "conversation".
Went to bed last night and Mrs_C was all over me. She had also made her intentions clear the night before (night of blah, blah, blah [see below]), but I was really tired - I also had no will or ability to "get it up", quite frankly. As I have mentioned before I don't do so well in the "service" department in the aftermath of these sessions. Mrs_C seems to get some kind of emotion rush related turn-on, but not me.
Anyway, that and your various comments got me to thinking today. I thought - Mrs_C is not on me that aggressively otherwise. Her specific actions within that context were also out of the ordinary (usually it's me trying to work her up, not the other way around).
I remembered one time in the fall when she said she was going to use every wile and trick she had available to her to hold me in the marriage.
And I thought about her out of character sexual forwardness and "aggressive" come-on (not that I mind - in fact it would have been welcome - for years - instead of me always being the one to have to try to get her to participate).
Yeah... deked after the speech and tossed a sexual fishhook.
What will arrive today?
A new shirt? New exercise outfit?
She says she's being nice when she does all this. Trying to make everything work.
Booked a joint appointment with the counselor today.
See how that goes when it happens. I committed to at least starting that process, so I intend to go through with at least the motions of attending while I figure out how the hell to make the next "I'm leaving" speech. BTW - we don't pay for the sessions - they're covered under benefit plans - so we're out no money.
----
I've been approached about the possibility of getting paid more with only a minor increase in duties (there's some hurdles to jump through in internal processes, though). My operation here now believes I'm underpaid - they recently figured out what it would cost to hire the 3 staff it would take to replace my skillset(s)(no, I am not bullshitting you). So that's OK. A raise and more recognition would be OK ;-)
“All I want is for the baby to be healthy!”
8 months ago
6 comments:
Cadbury....do what you gotta do....
Whatever will make you sleep easier at night.....
But I still say: get out.
*hugs*
Pissy
WOW! Great job news! I am sure you are undervalued. I am so glad someone realizes who you are and what knowledge and skills you possess. YAY!
As for the rest, I too, know going with the flow until the next, "I'm leaving!" speech comes up. You know what is happening, you have had your eyes opened. ("she said she was going to use every wile and trick she had available to her to hold me in the marriage.") That says it all as do of your postings that I have read. Your writings are an excellent chronicle of your frustrations. Sometimes it is good to write and re-read your thoughts. Looking for growth, change, or progression. A valid process for tracing your path.
I never could understand using lovemaking as a tool to win. Just because one person thinks that is the end of the 'argument', so to speak, does not make it feel so good, or right.
‘Sexual fishhook’…hummmmmm
You have to make your move when it is right...You will know.
Peace will follow.
I wish you the best!
Hmmm...
First, good stuff:
Wonderful news on the job front. I hope that the hoop-jumping yields a better financial arrangement for you and your kids.
Second, bad stuff:
Backing out of counseling if you know you're not committed to preserving a relationship with someone who's openly abusive and manipulative is not the worst thing you could do.
Regardless, I'm here for you. I know you'll negotiate this maze in your own time.
isn't it somewhat refreshing, tragic as it is, to be able to really see now what she's doing? the fight, then the fishhook...
interesting pattern.
and yaay, on the job news! i'm very jealous. ;)
You know what I think I would do at this point? Seriously?
First of all, collect the email addresses of every single person who has been writing/reading along with you.
Second, move your blog and email everyone to tell them where you moved to.
Lastly? Take the URL to the VERY first post you made on this blog and hand it to her. Let her read every single post. Let her see how you have tried. Let her see that you have begged, pleaded, tried, cried and did everything you could. Let her see the candor of the replies you received...how no one should have to put up with the petty bullshit that you have been put through. NO one should be taken for a ride on an emotional rollercoaster by a master of puppets the way you have.
Let her read how completely ugly she has been to you, to her children...and how it is affecting all of you. If she feels a FRACTION as bad as I do after reading it...then she will realize that she BLEW it, big time.
You have this amazing way of making me feel so angry with this woman. I don't usually take sides in things like this or tell people what to do...but I feel like your back is so far up against the wall that you are holding up the entire house at this point.
Her words are empty. Her actions are those of a desperately sick woman. She is so piss poor insecure and filled with self loathing that she doesn't have a clue of how to conduct herself as a wife and mother.
She doesn't deserve either.
CP.
Oh yeah, and don't forget to let her see the "nice things to do for my wife" blog too. IT's really sad that she drove you to beg complete strangers on how to win her back.
Win HER back? She should be out to win YOU back. She's no prize.
Sorry. I know this is the mother of your children. I respect that. I just have no respect for this woman. None whatsoever.
CP.
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