Holy mixed messages Batman!!!

I was out shopping with my daughter this weekend. I am buying both her and her brother a wardrobe that will stay at my place so that they do not have to pack suitcases with all their stuff for the week when they come over.

There are a few reasons: 1) the above - convenience 2) in a custody dispute, if they have no permanent elements of "home" at my place, it will be less considered by a court as a permanent residence 3) if stbx-Mrs_C is nailing me for the expense of their clothes, and not even telling them that i am paying for half, then I might as well spend the money directly myself and at least get credit as well as the previous reasons.

But back to shopping. Well sort of...

This morning as i drove him to school my son asks me "When you were out shopping with [Daughter] did you look at some Playboy calendar or something?"

I said no. I told him that at one point i looked at a set of calendars in one section of the store (i can only look at puppy calendars for so long) that had celebrity calendars, model calendars, and the sports illustrated swimsuit calendar.

I am not a sports illustrated calendar guy, or a maxim magazine guy, or any of that. I looked at several celebrity calendars, the GQ calendar, the local firefighters calendar, and the sports illustrated calendar.

But my daughter is reporting to my son that I was looking at a "porn calendar". And giving him stbx-Mrs_C's newly minted "Your body is a temple" lines. They mesh with her "All men are predators" and "Your father is a porn addict" accusations (quotes are actual).

I will be addressing the issue when i get home after work.

From a personal conduct point of view, it tells me that I am under some pretty extreme scrutiny. It also irritates me a little. She did not address the context in the store to actually look at the calendars I was looking at. She didn't ask me about it. She didn't tell me she disapproved. She just talked behind my back.

I am irritated at the effectiveness of her mother's propaganda. I am irritated by the mixed message her mother is sending her. If you recall from episodes this last summer, stbx_Mrs_C is not above her own bit of sexual bait or dangling:

I Must Not Think With My Dick

On counseling, Weakness, Dinner And Sexy Dresses

From the sexy dress part of the above:

"While driving there I apologised to my kids for getting upset and that I had leapt to some wrong conclusions, and that I was sorry about making things difficult at supper. My daughter informed me that she was just going to wear her regular clothes and that it was her mother that told her to dress up and wear the dress I had bought for daughter in Mexico. That Mrs_C said that they should dress up and look good and make me feel bad about leaving. They tell me that their Mom was playing me. That it was the set-up I thought it was."

The actual line was "Let's dress up really nice and look good so he'll know what he's missing."

I'm aggravated. I have been pretty consistent in my approach. I have always addressed issues of sexuality straight up. Daughter has no issue with watching music videos with scantily clad women and teasing her brother about watching the ladies in those videos. She has no problem in talking about the sexual appeal of the clothes she would wear to go "clubbing" if she was old enough (i try to put approriate "dad warnings" about clothing and conduct while still maintaining a consistent "permissive" or open posture toward sexuality and its expression).

In this weekend's shopping trip I bought new underwear with daughter - including bras and camisoles. We discussed modesty issues and the reasons she felt (said) she needed a bra with padding (even if she doesn't have enough to fill it). I asked her if it was because she was too sensitive/painful or if it was because it would stop the boys from pointing out if she was "nipply". She said both. I still think that it also has to do with one of the girls in her class who is slightly more developed calling her "flat" (which daughter has felt comfortable enough to discuss with me). This is a girl who is in savage social/pecking order combat with my daughter.

I previously went with her to buy feminine products, we discussed which kind of pads and panty liners she wanted - I offered a somewhat informed decision (as a non-user, but as a 25 year purchaser on behalf of various women in my life...). I bought her the kind that were in the special box with the special tissue paper inside with the little gold seal and were scented (even if the unit cost was about 60% higher) so that it would make her feel the most comfortable and feminine about this time and new phase of her life. I make the actual purchase with her there, because she doesn't feel comfortable enough paying for it herself (even if it is at the pharmacy counter and the cashier is female).

But still. She raised the calendar(s) with her brother and suggested they were Playboy calendars.

I will address the issue straight and see what she has to say directly.