Yeah
1 day
Well, actually 2
It was nice while it lasted
The job stuff and everything are still there, but the manipulation and crap is back again with a vengeance. She's on the same pattern as she was on before. Nice as pie, then BANG. It all comes down.
Smitten is going to give me a document describing the cycle of abuse (from a clinical model) that apparently portrays in detail what has been happenng to me for years. I look forward to reading it.
Daughter was ill today. She stayed at the house. Her puppy is there. Mrs_C phoned at lunch (daughter comes home for lunch). Mrs_C was out of town for Monday and Tuesday. Finds out daughter was home. Daughter didn't know whether she was going to school this afternoon or not, so I waited to find out before getting my parents to pick her up. Mrs_C calls, tells daughter she's staying home, and arranges for Mrs_C grandma to pick up daughter.
I am then informed after the fact. By telephone at work, by my daughter.
I was steamed. I am the custodial parent this week. Grandma arrived as daughter was telling me. I let it go for the afternoon.
I took a polite strip off Mrs_C when I picked up daughter about who makes decisions while they are custodial parent. She was testy but eventually conceded the point.
I found out later that Mrs_C and grandma had quite a conversation (and I was regailed with details about the Cadbury bashing in front of daughter by daughter). Daughter says Grandpa tried to point out a couple of flaws in their thinking but was told by grandma (queen manipulator/abuser) to "shut your mouth".
They also tried extremely hard to pressure daughter into saying she wanted to live with Mrs_C - they demanded she make a decision today. Daughter told them she didn't want to have to choose between her parents.
Daughter was yelling with anger and upset as she told me about this.
I am intervening tomorrow and will be threatening Mrs_C with legal action if she doesn't stop. I am booked to speak to my lawyer and will raise this in detail.
Daughter shouldn't have to deal with this.
I have arranged for counselling for the kids. Got the appointments lined up last week and they will be going soon.
Mrs_C just doesn't change.
I guess that's why I left her.
“All I want is for the baby to be healthy!”
8 months ago
9 comments:
Does any of this really surprise you. . . do you know she will do whatever it takes to hurt you. . . even if she hurts the children in the process. . . what a sick . . . sick. .. woman. Mr. C. I am sad that you have to deal with it.
I am glad that Smitten listens and helps you work through the crap.
Ciao
I can't stand bitches that get their kids in the middle of the divorce. I understand that she must be hurting, but leave the kids out of it.
As Barney Fife would say, "You need to nip this in the bud!"
Sounds like you're doing all the right things.
*sigh.
it never ends, does it?
i wonder what it would take for her to understand what she's doing to her children.
hang in there, cad. they need you.
I had a thought as I was reading this:
Perhaps you should bring a notebook with you every time you deal with her. Make a list of topics to discuss, and don't stray from them. Get all Robert's Rules on her ass. Take notes, especially when she starts getting aggressive. Let her know you're taking notes when you're on the phone with her. Keep on the agenda.
I have no idea if this will help, hinder or make no difference in the relationship. It's just the thought that occurred to me while reading your last two posts.
I'm kind of uncomfortable giving advice, so I'm just thinking of this as sort of a shopkeeping technique.
Whatever happens, I'm pulling for ya!
Yeharr
I'd like to me Miss Positive, but I'm not going to pose for ya.
No more givegivegive for Mrs. C.
No more.
No more notebooks, walks in the neighborhood, early morning and late night phone calls.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Consult with your attorney. Have some official papers drawn up. Be done with it.
That woman's not changing. Her goal is retaining you as her personal marionette.
Our stories are 100% identical.
Quick and decisive action on your part ... lawyer, counsellor and all. I wish I'd been that dynamic at the time and I commend you for being so.
I would be extremely interested in reading the document you mention. If at all possible would you be kind enough to mail a copy to larrymcjay@gmail.com?
Larry McJay
I guess no one was reading your earlier postings. Cad's lawyer said not to write anything down. People, please pay attention. I know you mean well, but you are going to hurt this guy.
You stated you wanted an amicable divorce. So why get all lawyery with her? Let the divorce take its course. Just tell your kids they do not have to decide anything. You and Mrs_C will be deciding. They can say whatever they want now, and change their minds when in Family Court.
I think amateurs reading pyschology papers is a huge mistake. You will see things that are not there. You will make your life events fit the paper. This is all too natural. In fact, Mrs_C's lawyer would love to know you are reading such things. She will be able to claim you substituted what you read for reality. Any judge will quietly nod their heads in agreement. Even if you manage to hid your readings from them, you will likely use a phrase or word that is uncommon, and then they have you on the spot.
Don't play lawyer games, and definitely don't play amateur pyschologist. Making a list of her wrongs is a bad idea, too. Be yourself, and your kids will love you for it.
"Mrs_C just doesn't change.
I guess that's why I left her."
Repeat, absorb, marinate, and follow your inner voice, babycakes!
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