Told Kids I Am Dating

As I had told Mrs_C about dating and being "with" someone else, I decided that it was the better part of discretion on my part to pre-empt their Mother's likely propaganda on the subject.

Son already knew about Smitten, and had actually met her for a few minutes when he came by my place unannounced to pick up his bookbag one evening.

It was not my choice to introduce that early, but it would have been unnatural and improper to have tried to "hide" her. He was very interested in her and later said "She seems nice". He's 14 - I thought it was a good review.

I advised both that their mother now knew I had been dating. I underlined that I had not dated prior to the split. I also advised them that I had intended to avoid the subject for some time, but that now that it was out in the open I wanted to be upfront with them.

I showed them a picture of Smitten and I together when we were dressed up prior to my fundraiser last week. It is a wonderful picture. The smiles on both of us couldn't be bigger or brighter.

They asked a few questions - especially daughter. I answered them all truthfully. I did not address any issues of sex - it didn't come up - I would have demurred on that subject, anyway.

I told them I had been on a number of dates, and that it had been my intention to engage in only light dating while things straightened out with the separation and divorce. I explained my rationale that I expected I was out of practice and might feel awkward after being dedicated to their Mom for so long, blah, blah, blah. They know me, they know how I think, they repsonded in a way that showed me they understood the rationale as presented. I told them that I had, to my surprise, met someone whom I wnated to consistently date for now.

We talked about this and that around the general subject of dating. Daughter told me that one of her friends' Mom's had been inquiring about my newly single status and that she and her friends had a giggle or two about the possibility.

I took the opportunity to talk about not dating friends Mom's because of the potential downside, I segued into not dating inside one's workplace or building and so on.

Daughter asked how we had met.

I first told her that we had mutual circles of friends.

Then I thought about that answer. And I told her I had just lied to her. I told her it was through an online dating site, but had avoided saying that because some people think it's kinda weird. I explained my rationale for not hanging out in bars, or hitting on women in my classes, or at work, blah, blah, blah - hence - online dating - you know people are looking - you can pre-screen, etc.

They laughed and thought this was both funny and well thought through.

I logged on and showed them the profile I had created and read it with them. I talked about the life I would like to live and the joy I would like to have.

I read the parts of the profile where I said that my children were the most important thing in my life, and that they were my most trememndous source of joy and pride.

I wanted them to have an idea of where I was coming from on the dating front.

These are kids who have endured their friends' parents separations and divorces. These are kids who have heard the horror stories of divorce in a way I can only imagine.

It was a good period of time to talk together, and to discuss the issue of dating and so forth. It dispelled some of their fears and reinforced their place in my life. They were happy that the approach I described to dating and the way I had addressed them as thinking human beings. They thanked me for being straightforward with them, and not trying to beat about the bushes.

They complained about a couple of instances with friends parents and the subject of dating with them and their kids, and then also some instances with their Mom where straight information had not been provided.

I believe things went well.

The kids seem OK with it so far.

We'll see how it goes from here.