Hell weekend - Part 3 (she leaves)

Read Parts 1 and 2 first

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I drive son's friend home and begin to return home. I'm trying to figure out in my mind how to deal with the situation, and how to address things with the children. I'm writing, tearing up, and rewriting speeches in my head.

I want to be balanced. I don't want to promote Mom hate. I want the kids to have as controlled a crash as possible. I want the kids to understand that shit happens, and that even if things have gone to bad - and their Mom takes off, that they should understand that things that have transpired between their Mom and I were a two way street, that I'm not perfect and have done things to upset their Mom over the years, and that even if their Mom walked out, or seemed to be the source of the tension, they shouldn't hate her. That in their lives they need their Mom. And that they should consider that their Mom may have valid reasons for doing what she does that aren't apparent at first.

I didn't have a very good feeling about things, especially given the last group discussion that involved the kids Monday, May 22, 2006 Incidents Of Note, so I was stalling for time to see if something would occur to me on how to deal with things.

On the way to drop her off at home, Mrs_C had given me $20.00 to buy something for supper for the kids on the way home from dropping off son's friend. I said I could afford it (and could), but didn't argue when she put the money in a spot on my dashboard - it's not like we needed another thing to argue about. I was going to get food, go home, and see whether anything could be sorted out. And if Mrs_C has left by the time I'm done getting the food, it will give me more time to think and probably a good starting point on precipitating a real split.

On the way back I get a call on my cell. It's Mrs_C - she says she is leaving in about 10 minutes. She's telling me how I'll be better off with out her, and how bad a person she is, blah, blah, blah.

By this time, I have the feeling she's playing for an audience - this is a drama moment. This is starting to sound and feel like the various times she "dumped me" when we were dating and I begged her to come back.

Also, by this time I couldn't give a flying fuck what she does.

I'm saying non-committal things like "We need to talk" and "We should really talk this over".

However, my daughter hears me responding and says "Is that Mom?"

Mrs_C repeats that she's leaving in ten minutes. I'm at the major turn-off that leads to our house. I'm thinking that if she leaves, and I had the warning of the call, and I don't make an effort to have kept things together - what will my kids think of my commitment? I say to Mrs_C "I'm at [street name], I'm coming home". She says "Then I'm leaving right now!"

I tell my kids yeah - it is their mother - but no other details.

I go to turn. Slowly. I stop unnecessarily at the light to allow traffic to go by. I turn slowly and meander my way down the street toward the next turn-off. I have an idea of how long it will take for her to leave. As I approach the turn-off to our street, there's Mrs_C's car. She makes a fast turn and boots it down the street we're on. I pull to a stop at our turn-off, hesitating. I know Mrs_C has seen me. Daughter says "Wasn't that Mom?" I say yes - and slowly accelerate down the street giving Mrs_C lots of time to lose me. She does. When I'm certain she's out of view I ask the kids if they see their Mom's car anywhere. They don't.

I take this opportunity to tell them that their Mom left to "Think things through". That I tried to go home but their Mom hung up on me and took off. That I tried to follow her, but she drove away too fast. I tell them that I don't know if she'll be back today or the next day or few... I also tell them that I have no idea if their Mom has actually split, or if this is just a drama festival.

They're all "Oh". And that's about it.

So I ask them what we should get for supper. Do they want pizza? We make decisions about what to get. Daughter wanted one kind of pizza, and son said it sucked - the usual haggle. My solution? Get it all. Get the kind of pizza each of them wants - one store bought, one from a nearby pizzeria. Son said he liked the riblets he had at my Mom's place the night before - we got them too! We got it all.

I dropped the kids at home, put the store bought pizza in the oven, and zipped over to the pizzeria to get the other. Came home and everything was ready. We ate.

We talked. I described how things could be different with a split. Talked about joint custody and separate vacations and all the details of how things would work. Talked about how we would probably have to sell our house and get two smaller houses.

But it was a joyous little meal - the three of us. I told them that they could eat as much as they wanted of whatever they wanted. That this was a bagging free meal (Mrs_C usually harps at the kids about how they eat, especially when it comes to stuff like pizza. Ok in principle, but she carries it a little far).

It was strangely giddy and free. The kids (especially daughter) couldn't stop giggling.

My son's other friend called - he wanted to come over. Son said "My Mom just walked out the door, so it's not probably going to work for a few days. My Dad got pizza and we're just eating and figuring stuff out." Son's friend said (I was told shortly after) "Oh, sounds good. Celebratory feast, is it?" (says what son and his friends think of the configuration of the universe). Son and daughter just about peed themsleves laughing over this friend's comment. They both thought it was kind of mean and cruel in one sense ('cause it is their mom), but still thought it was funnier than all creation. Thay laughed so hard they cried.

I talked about separate vacations. Daughter says "oh, you mean we wouldn't all go together as a family in one group?" I say "No. I think the wounds would be too fresh to try that." She says "Good, because if it was gonna be like vacation last year I don't want to go. I would to stay with Grandma and Grandpa instead."

I just about fell over at all of this.

All my fears about how the kids would take it were whirled away and flung in a corner somewhere. They seemed happy and bubbly.

What the fuck is this? Their Mom just walked out. Their family is collapsing, and they're happy? They're not fighting or picking at each other at the table? They're both positively bouncing.

We are enjoying our supper - they to their pizza - me on my diet food (fresh vegetables, tofu, salads, fruits, nuts and seeds [twigs and bark...]).

And Mrs_C walks through the door. I look at her, I look at the kids. I say to Mrs_C "Let's talk in the garage."

As I rise, and walk toward her I see the kids literally leap from the table and run for the basement (rec room).