Flip Sides

Bottom Side:

Mrs_C came over to the apartment with daughter Sunday morning to pick up some stuff. She did her usual call me and wake me up thing on weekends when she wants to get me before my brain is fully firing (in my opinion it is a deliberate strategy). She yaks while daughter gets her stuff. Mrs_C says "You know we could do movies at the house with the kids sometime - that might be fun - I dunno maybe Sunday night like last time - that was fun, wasn't it."

I said "Yes, that was fun" (which it was) and the conversation moves on.

She phones me on Sunday to say "What time will you be over to watch movies?"

I'm like "Uh, no. What are you talking about?" I advise her I am not coming.

She calls me later on Sunday evening. It turns out Mrs_C did not cancel the "marriage" counselor's appointment for Monday. She had told me she was going to. I should have followed up myself. She says she hopes I'll be there. I tell her "No. There's no point." She says "Think about it, I really want you to be there.". I say I have no intention of doing so, and that we should be moving on. That I have every intention of being a constant and solid co-parent, but that I had made my feelings and intention about our marriage clear. I said good-bye.

I did not go to the counselor. I called the counselor before the appointment time and left a message saying I would not be there and that I saw no point in being there.

I saw her this morning when I went to pick up son to drive him to school. She said "I just want you to know I forgive you. I forgive you your decision."

I said "Yeah" and left.

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It's funny how she moves from tactic to tactic. One time she doesn't understand. Another time she begs forgiveness. Another time she finagles time using the kids as bait. Other times she tries to dangle sex.

I told her after the last time the "I just don't understand" thing came up that if she didn't understand over a year of talking about it, then she either wasn't listening or would never understand - and that if she didn't understand the reasons, she would never be able to fix it.

But she never addresses the core issues. I just don't care anymore. I have so had it with even caring to address the bullshit.

I realise it is about control. As long as she can keep me engaged in the conversation she has control.

I'm tired of that conversation.

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Up side:

[Lady Of Smitten] and I went to go to the movie. But it was closed. So we ate the picnic supper I had made in the park. It was wonderful. We walked around the park and a bunch of marshland in one particular part - watch the birds flocking and the beavers preparing for winter. It was a gorgeous day - unseasonably warm until very late.

It was a day that God had made.

As it got dark we climbed a hill overlooking that part of the city, and looked at the lights. And walked back to our vehicles.

[schoolboy pitter-patter: +2]
I held her hand as we walked. It was thrilling.

We kissed in the park. It was wonderful.
[/schoolboy]

I intend to maintain an appropriate decorum. The wonderful spinning motion going on in my head feels much like coming off those merry-go-rounds they used to have in the parks when I was a kid.

While it might be fun while doing it, I certainly can't function that way, so I am keeping myself under a healthy level of control.

It's glorious not having to worry about getting bitten when I express joy.