OK, the "When to date?" question

"my only concern is that you might be moving a little quickly, in starting to date..."
- terry, queen dork, September 10, 2006

This is an actual question, not a rebuttal.

When is the appropriate time to begin dating anew?

Here is my thinking:

I need to leave Mrs_C behind in my own head. She has been the only woman in my life and in my mind for almost 20 years.

I have looked around - I've not been dead. It was always more of a momentary thrill thing to "look around". My fantasies were always of her.

How do I chase her out of my head? By sitting in my apartment alone when the kids aren't here? By doing dishes and laundry and ironing and arranging the cupboards one more time? By immersing myself totally in my work? I can only go exercise so much. I refuse to hang out at my parents place. It is taking a little time to re-engage friendships that had withered. And sorry, but the guys don't do it for me when it comes to leaving Mrs_C behind.

I understand that I should not get into a deep and involved romance on any sort of immediate basis. That is pretty clear to me. What's it called? On the rebound?

Not where I want to go for me or for the other person.

I understand the criticism of dating when the possibility existed that I might choose to return. That is not in the cards now.

I do not think that the "moral" stricture of being still legally married is an issue. I don't, and I will not change my mind. Marriage is not a legal decree for me. It is a commitment that I have severed. I do however, understand the social conventions and social restrictions that are implicit with still being legally married and not divorced. And there are some.

I have no intention of allowing my children to have an awareness of my dating. I have no interest in having them see a parade of dates. I have no intention of involving anyone else in our family life, or of doing things together.

I have had it presented to me that I should "spend more time finding out who you really are".

OK. How do I do that? By sitting alone in my apartment?

I should also say that I adore women. I really do. Even when married, I was in the kitchen talking to all the aunts and ladies rather than talking car engines, hunting and trapping, sports, and all the "guy talk". I did engage the guys and have done and can talk about all that stuff, but I'm not in the same headspace as most guys. I like women. I'm reticent to say the following, but what the hell... Women never fail to give me a thrill. I am deeply enraptured by almost every woman I meet and talk to. Not in a "Rico Suave" sense of trying to make time with all the ladies, but in a deeply interested manner. I don't know how to describe it. It's not a predatory thing, but a fascination and delight thing. You know when you are walking though a forest and every breath and every view is sheer delight - you are equally enthralled by every moment and every sight. That's me.

Sorry if that comes across the wrong way or offends anyone.

I would underline at this time that until things actually began to seriously break down with Mrs_C she never had an instant of doubt about my fidelity. In her lucid moments after the accusations, she even said she really didn't doubt my fidelity even when she did question it. Mrs_C always enjoyed my ability to talk with women - her sisters and aunts and cousins and co-workers (and occasional friend) all told her what a charming and nice guy I was, and how easy I was to talk to. I think that's part of the reason they are so mad at me.

But enough digression.

Even if my kids did find out, and I have a intend to keep it private from them, I am not sure that they would be surprised or upset. They have given me grief/teased me for some time - even before the marriage breakdown occurred - about "the ladies" and being a "ladies man" - even Mrs_C would bug me. Again, I underline that neither they or Mrs_C or anyone else thought I was "cruising". I have a deep voice and an engaging manner. I garner attention in most social instances (male and female). I am a leader - at a community level, in the organisations I belong to, and in things I do. I can accurately be described as charismatic.

The kids have been teasing me about "sparkin' the ladies" (Beverly Hillbillies reference) since things stabilised after I moved out. I have always said that "there are other things to attend to first". I have never denied it as a possibility, but have avoided or deferred the subject.

So, again, the question is:

When is the appropriate time to begin dating anew?